Sassy Smackdown

‘Twas the day after Christmas,

No Need to Shout

Because Smackdown was boring,

You’re not missing out.

Ho-Ho-Hogan makes another appearance this week to host Smackdown! Alright, well I suppose that’s acceptable, brother. Although considering his career you would think he could afford better fake hair under that bandana of his. Really though, his hair looks like the platinum extensions I purchased from Hot Topic as a teenager.

Enter Seth Rollins: After shaking hands with the Hulkster he then refers to him as the “Seth Rollins of the 80’s” and tells it like it is, the Hulk doesn’t belong in the ring anymore.

That was harsh, brother!

But really, Seth is coming into his own as heel. He perfectly cries and whines for Mommy and Daddy every chance he gets! He’s the teenager we all were at some point–discovering sass and using it at every opportunity possible.

Now Dolph appears to deliver some sass and tell Seth to disappear for a few years. Why? Because Hulk thinks Dolph is the future of the company! Well alright then, brother! Now what would a Smackdown episode be if we didn’t have more of Seth’s buddies popping out to defend his honor? Well…I’m not quite sure, but Big Show makes an appearance and his guardian angel!

Oh is it a wonderful appearance actually. Threatening to knock out the Hulk and Dolph in the most casual tone ever was simply beautiful. Almost as beautiful as Roman Reigns making an entrance and threatening to slap Big Show in front of the wife and kids.

(That would be Seth and J and J security in case you were wondering).

The pure, absolutely scandalized look on Seth’s face was charming. Roman’s threat gave us a quick look into the sassy, wonderful Roman Reigns that we need to see more of. Really, let the man be free and sassy all he wants, it’s absolutely entertaining.

Ryback Vs. Kane

Uh…..? I don’t…I..I’m not quite sure why this pair up happened. What is Kane even doing these days? You know what he’s not doing? Not being used as a Christmas Kane.

Seriously though, the WWE missed out on that opportunity if they haven’t already used it.

….Hehehe, Christmas Kane.

Okay, sorry, I was distracted by the idea of Kane dressed as Candy. Ryback was distracted as well with Rusev attacking him in the middle of the match and mounting him like a damn beastly lion in heat. Don’t worry, Hulk took disciplinary action against the Russian Beast, brother.  Rusev will have to defend his champisonship belt against–you’ll find out later. Just like Rusev had to.

In the mean time Naomi vs Alicia Fox happened, with the Miz watching backstage like a creepy stalker who wants Naomi’s love but, damn it he just can’t seem to get it. Really, the woman has an absolutely adorable handshake with her husband, you just can’t get love like that Miz, you can’t! Naomi wins the match, and later her husband Jimmy Uso wins his match against The Miz.

Really, kicking him after “Let’s be Uses” and right after the Miz shouts “Us” was comical beyond belief. Well done Jimmy, well done.

Before Jimmy comically kicked Miz’s ass back to Hollywood, R truth and Adam Rose fought. This time the bunny rabbit was missing which somehow helped Adam to win…? He was extremely aggressive this time around. I think he was just sour the Bunny gets more love than him. To no one’s surprise (or the surprise of many, I’m not sure, I found the match boring), Adam Rose won!


Then just when I’m ready to take a nap during Rusev’s match, who better than to challenge him for the belt? Oh none other than someone who originally held it for quite some time….

Dean Ambrose!

Ah yes, after a charming kiss blown to Lana the Lunatic Fringe attacks Rusev. Throughout the entire match Lana looks absolutely scandalized as someone else managed to give Rusev a run from his money. Hell the man left the ring to get some air but Dean was not finished with him.

Well, not by choice at least.

The sour and psychotic Bray Wyatt attacked Dean, giving Rusev and Lana the perfect opportunity to flee. While it did seem that Bray was going to give Dean Abigail’s Kiss, Dean fought out of it and attacked Bray instead. Once the several steel chairs came out Bray retreated. Ah, psycho versus psycho, always fun and entertaining.

After Gold and Star each partake in a very short but nonetheless entertaining promo we finally have the Main Event: Tag Team Match!

Seth Rollins and Big Show vs. Roman Reigns and Dolph Ziggler

The sassy bitch face Seth made towards Dolph in the beginning was priceless. Michael Cole had his classic ‘vintage’ comment in regards to Roman. Apparently you only have to be in the ring for two years for your moves to be considered ‘vintage’, interesting choice. I had no idea such a short amount of time could pass in order to be vintage.

While Dolph is getting destroyed by both Big Show and Seth, it shows how eager Roman is to get in the ring. But in the mean time? Oh he is just thoroughly enjoying himself. He’s sassy and taunting and working with the crowd a bit. Hell, when the crowd chants ‘Big Slow’ he seems beside himself with amusement. We need this type of personality coming from him. Sassy Roman is an entertaining Roman, keep it around.

Even with J and J security interfering and changing the match into 4 v 2, Roman and Dolph still take the win with Roman getting the pin. Quite frankly, it’s about time the man was able to beat Seth down.

Plus the sassy golf clap as the miserable family sulks away? Priceless, brother!


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