I know, I know, I am disappointed in myself as well for not having an original title for this post. We can all boo and shame me later. For now, let us enjoy this episode of Smackdown which starts with Seth Rollins who is as always accompanied by his security team of Peregrin and Meriadoc (those are hobbits…sorry, I’ll stop).
Seth makes a point of relishing the distraught face of John Cena from Monday Night Raw. Really, the man looked like someone killed his puppy in front of him and then peed on its corpse. Graphic? Sorry, my apologies. Seth and the rest of the gang bow their heads in a moment of silence for the lost, “lackluster” careers of Ryback, Erick Rowan, and Dolph Ziggler. During this time one Roman Reigns makes an entrance into the ring and he is not happy.
Here we get to see Roman come into his own a bit as he refers to Seth as…well, being full of shit. After a wonderful and flawless use of alliteration and a wink to the camera, Roman explains why exactly he’s in the ring with Seth.
“I’m gonna kick your ass.”
With that charming promise, Roman proceeds to beat Seth and his hobbit security team until Seth has to retreat up the ramp to avoid near death by his angry ‘brother’. Big Show makes an appearance to comfort and defend his wife before gloating about being a giant that will beat Roman’s ass. Shortly after Kane joins and sets us up for the main event: a tag team match between Seth, Big Show, and Roman. Unless Roman can find a tag team partner it will end up being a 2 on 1 handicap match…well, 5 on 1 considering Seth’s lovely Authority family must always protect him.
Promo: Miz accompanied by Mizdow asks Kane for a straight championship match with only the Usos. Unfortunately for Miz, Mizdow ruins their opportunity by spilling water all over Kane. Ah, how bittersweet.
Adam Rose vs. Big E Langston
Adam Rose was accompanied by Cesaro and Tyson Kidd for some reason…Not sure why they would pair up with the dirty Russell Brand look alike but okay.
To no one’s surprise, Big E Langston wins.
Ascension vs. Nameless Jobbers
Pitting the Ascension and having them win against jobbers is doing absolutely nothing for the tag team. Honestly it’s a shame because I was excited for their debut but now there’s nothing impressive about them.
Alicia Fox vs. Naomi
Naomi has a new look, and it’s working out well for her! Kudos on the Usos shirt.
Unfortunately the new look did not help her in this match, because Alicia Fox takes the win.
Promo: Bray Wyatt promises to kick some ass and take some names at the Royal Rumble. Not his exact words, but close enough.
Usos vs. Miz and Mizdow vs. Goldust and Stardust
The best part of this match was Mizdow actually tagging himself in and fighting. Finally, because the crowds have been begging to see him.
At the end of the match, Jimmy pins Goldust so the Usos retain their titles.
Bad News Barrett vs. Sin Cara
After mockingly calling Dolph out for a rematch and announcing he will be in the royal rumble, Barrett goes against Sin Cara and loses. But because he’s a spoiled little brat and mommy never taught him to be a gracious loser, he attacks the wrestler after his loss.
Always count on Bad News Barrett to be fair and lovely.
Seth Rollins and Big Show vs Roman Reigns and….?
Trust me, Seth was just as surprised as you are. Seth had the face of a pure horror while Roman smirked like a cheeky devil, clearly happy at how frightened Seth looked. Let’s face it, Seth had a complete ‘uh oh’ face going for him.
Hell, Seth was so scared he regrouped with team Authority to make sure they had his back. At least the Big Show cares so dearly for his tiny love.
Roman and Dean were out for blood in this match and it showed with how hard they fought. Dean was hopping around on one leg for a good chunk of it. The crowd was absolutely loving the Shield ‘reunion’.
Roman and Dean take the win, proud of their work and sharing a fist bump while Seth was undoubtedly plotting how exactly he would tell mommy and daddy about this loss.