Summarizing Smackdown

Standard

Smackdown is boring these days. Nothing happens except basic filler content to keep us somewhat satisfied until Monday. Gone are the days of storylines and action. Smackdown may have been moved back to Thursday, but more will need to be done to get it back into shape than just changing the day it’s aired. Perhaps that should have been considered as one of WWE’s resolutions for 2015.

Well, now that the bitter monologue has already been stated, let’s begin shall we?

The evening starts with Daniel Bryan welcoming back the newly re-hired wrestlers three; Ryback, Erick Rowan, and Dolph Ziggler.

Someone, for the love of all that is holy, get Dolph and Seth to a beautician to take care of those roots as soon as inhumanly possible.

Ryback thanks people, awkward Rowan talks about being Bray’s puppet, and Dolph mocks the fitness DVD’s of Stephanie and Hunter that he viewed while eating stuffed crust pizza. Now while Stephanie and Hunter are not in attendance, their disgruntled family members are there to defend their tapes.

Enter Uncle Kane, and Big Show along with his wife and kids Seth Rollins and J&J security. Seth is just not pleased that the itty bitty garden gnome is back. He’s especially not pleased that mommy and daddy’s DVD’s were insulted! Kane in the meantime is the jilted ex-lover of Daniel who just wants to have another match with him later on that evening. All the while Big Show is simply trying to get attention for himself.

Really, that guy needs a good storyline or something to do because it is painful listening to the cry baby whine non stop.

All of that aside, the newly re-hired group, plus Daniel all must go through matches tonight in order to obtain spots in the Royal Rumble this coming Sunday.

(Fun fact: To the individual wielding an ‘Accio Roman Reigns’ signs, you are my hero).

Bad News Barrett vs Dolph Ziggler

Dolph wins the match after interrupting the bull hammer and delivering a mean ‘zig zag’ before pinning the English Bad News Bear.

Dolph is in the rumble.

Promo: Roman Reigns and Renee Young

While he did call Big Slow a tiny insecure man in a giant’s body (true) I just…I can’t tolerate his promos. The man either needs to stick with one liners and punching people in the mouth, or….no, that’s exactly what he should do. He may look like the Rock, but creative must understand that he is not the same man and cannot delivery the same type of comedy said Superstar can do.

Promo: Dean you sneaky devil.

While Fandango and Rosa are engaged in what seems to be the beginnings of a soft core porno, Dean sneaks in and steals Fandango’s entry number for the rumble.

Well played.

Ryback vs. Rusev

During this match Rusev decided it was appropriate to throw a tantrum so massive that Mother Russia would be weeping with joy. That did not save him, however, as he lost the match by count out. Since he lost he found it appropriate to continue his earlier fit and assault Ryback after losing.

Ryback won, therefore he is in the rumble.

Naomi vs. Brie Bella

Paige and Natalya joined the crew on commentary. As a result the match that was actually happening wasn’t discussed, they were far too busy entertaining their two guest commentators.

Brie Bella wins the match.

Promo: Luke Harper loves eyes.

Don’t blink everybody, Luke is ready for the rumble! He’s got monsters….and eyes on his side.

Scary stuff man.

Promo: Goldust and Stardust pick their numbers.

Can we please have more of them? They’re hysterical.

Luke Harper vs. Erick Rowan

In a match of body odor versus brains, Luke takes the win.

Erick Rowan will not be in the rumble.

Promo: Kane needs help.

Good ol’ Uncle Kane actually asks to Seth to borrow J&J security to make sure that he defeats Daniel Bryan that evening.

Kane asking for help…excuse me, I need to repress this.

Promo: Miz and Mizdow bicker.

The Miz is not at all happy with Mizdow imitating X-Pac, or that the crowd shows far more adoration for the stunt double. With the seeds of distrust and anger already planted, the Usos swoop in and basically encourage Mizdow to turn on Miz at the rumble.

All I can say is: yes please!

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane

No Disqualification

What a match. Despite interference by J&J security, Daniel Bryan takes the win and proceeds up the ramp to leave.

…Unfortunately for him Big Slow is out and decides to attack him from behind. He kicks him all the way down the ramp, then throws him into the ring so Daniel can take his lumps in the form of a 4 on 1 beat down.

Then the storm hits, where every single member of the locker room runs out and proceeds to duke it out in the middle of the ring as a sort of sneak peak for the rumble.

However two people in particular get their own entrances into this skirmish. Dean Ambrose is the first, then Roman Reigns is the second. At the end of the brawl these two are just some of the few that are still left standing in the ring.

Is this foreshadowing who the likely top competitors are for the rumble? Will Dean and Roman be the final two entrants? Are we getting a glimpse of just who it will come down to and the sort of behavior we can expect to see? After all, last year Roman broke a record, Dean has no sense of self-preservation and will fight until he literally can’t move anymore…

Oh, I don’t know if this was foreshadowing or just a teaser of what fans want but won’t obtain. I do know that I can’t wait to see what happens Sunday.

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