So….that was quite the eventful night, wasn’t it? There’s a bit to cover, so let’s start with the results of the Pre-Show.
Kofi Kingston, Big E Langston (New Day) Vs Tyson Kidd, Cesaro (escorted by Natalya and Adam Rose)
I’d like to point out that Natalya is wearing all black and has been accompanying Tyson to the ring with Cesaro. While yes, she is his husband….could we be slowly building up to a heel turn? A Natalya heel would be beautiful, now onto the match!
The crowd absolutely loves and adores Cesaro. New Day? Not so much, they’ve made it very clear they’d like to give Cesaro a push here. Much to the crowd’s enjoyment, Tyson delivers the pin and wins the match.
Now that the long pre-show has been covered, let’s carry on to the actual Royal Rumble Pay-Per-View. The first match of the night starts out with a vintage touch.
New Age Outlaws vs. The Ascension
This feels slightly terrible on my behalf, but for the duration of this match I was not cheering for the Ascension. Their booking has been terrible and they haven’t proved themselves to be anything special. They haven’t proven why they’re better than every other tag team out there. For awhile, I thought I would get my wish.
I don’t know what happened quite honestly, but it all went south very quickly. The Ascension gains momentum at a pace that feels like it was completely out of nowhere. The youngsters take the win over their elders, but it doesn’t feel deserved in the slightest.
Promo: Triple H and Stephanie
So…it seems like the power couple is still reasonably bitter about Sting’s appearance. Hunter threatens to attack the vigilante should he show up once more, but Paul Heyman steps in and offers a solution. The solution to their Sting problem would be one beast, Brock Lesnar.
It seemed like they were alluding to a Sting vs Triple H match, but perhaps we’re going to see a Sting vs. Brock Lesnar match?
The Miz, Mizdow vs. The Usos
Tag Team Championship Titles
Yeah, Miz will never let this go apparently.
Jimmy pins Miz for the win, therefore The Usos retain their titles.
Promo: J & J Security Gaming hour
Really, they’re gaming. I mean it’s a cute plug for the new, free WWE app ‘Immortals’, but still… Hell, every time I hear ‘Immortals’ I unfortunately do not think of the free-to-play game, but rather Fall Out Boy and Big Hero 6, whoops.
Well, Seth Rollins enters and is not happy about their gaming. During his little miniature pre-match tantrum, he reveals that he’s not the future, but rather “I’m the right now.”
Beautifully put good sir.
The Bellas vs. Paige and Natalya
In this match Nikki puts Natalya away after Brie pulls Paige from the apron, keeping Natalya from making the tag.
The Bellas win, and we lose because we don’t get to see Paige shine in the ring.
John Cena vs. Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar (If you’re Paul Heyman it’s: BRAAAAWWWKKK LESNAAAAR)
Triple Threat Title Match, World Heavyweight Championship
The crowd absolutely hates John Cena and they make that very clear as soon as he enters. They do however love Brock and Seth so, that’s some sort of bonus.
At the start of the match Seth immediately flees out of the ring–which is honestly a smart tactic when you’re against the murderous beast and Super Cena who apparently can never stay down. Brock suplexes the both of them all around the ring. In short, John and Seth are action figures that the bully child of our youth would rip apart and throw as he pleased.
Or Brock is a massive Chimpanzee ripping apart Colobus monkeys (those being Seth and John).
Speaking of massive, can we all appreciate the fact that Paul Heyman ran like an olympian to get out of the way of nearly being crushed by his client, the beast, Brock Lesnar? He even added a lit hop to save his ankles. That man was not going down without a fight.
While Brock pinned Seth for the win to retain his championship, the MVP for this match is undoubtedly Seth Rollins.
There were shades of HBK when he leaps off of the top rope and onto Brock who’s laying on the announcer’s table. It’s very reminiscent of his idol Shawn Michaels who did the exact same maneuver at Wrestlemania 25 to the Undertaker. Seth also, very beautifully executes the Phoenix Splash, leaps from the top turnbuckle onto John and Brock, and sells every move. His entire presence during the match showed that he belonged and is in fact Main Event material.
The Royal Rumble
Now for this section I won’t be listing every single entrant, mostly because I’m incredibly lazy. Also because some aren’t that important as entrants.
1) The Miz
Okay that’s an interesting start…?
3) Bubba Ray Dudley
The pure excitement as he entered was magnificent. He executes a few ‘vintage’ movies with Truth, and it is glorious. I also found it comical that the Dudley entered third…3D, get it? Okay I’ll be in my corny and lame joke corner now, I apologize.
5) Bray Wyatt
Curtis Axel Erick Rowan
Since Erick lost his spot in the rumble, he attacks Axel and takes his spot instead. He enters the ring and it seems as though he will team up with Harper against Bray. Now all three Wyatts are in the ring which leads to a Wyatt feud–which I can definitely get behind. Bray then throws both Wyatts out of the ring.
This man’s entrance is terrifying. Since he is alone with Bray they engage in a ‘weird off’ to see who is….more psychotic. I believe Bray won this, and he even throws him out of the ring.
Bray is destroying the competition, reminiscent to CM Punk as he takes to the microphone in between entrants. Well done Bray!
(Not that it matters but they let Zack Ryder roam free tonight, only to get thrown back into the storage closet by Bray)
10) Daniel Bryan
14) Diamond Dallas Page
Rusev eliminates DDP while Bray eliminates Daniel Bryan. Now that Bryan is gone the entire crowd proceeds to boo every single contender that enters the ring. Oh, and they’re sour for the remainder of the evening. That’s quite classy.
Kofi is thrown out of the ring, caught by the Rosebuds, and then they put him back into the ring. Always rely on Kofi getting back into the ring in some peculiar way.
19) Roman Reigns
The booing never ends when he enters, which is a shame. The universe has known he would win since last year’s rumble but they’re too sour over Daniel Bryan’s elimination.
This is marked because when Mizdow tries to enter, the Miz stops him and tries to take his spot so he can have a second chance. When he jumps onto the apron, Roman shoves him right off. Rather than helping him, Mizdow gets into the ring, only to be eliminated by Rusev and continue to mimic an absolutely livid Miz. Well, at least it was amusing and further fueling the split of these two.
25) Dean Ambrose
30) Dolph Ziggler
Crowd is livid over Ziggler’s elimination, oh dear.
Big Slow and Kane vs. Dean and Roman. The crowd is furious over Dean’s elimination, to no one’s surprise. As Kane and Big Show bicker with one another, a bloody Roman eliminates both of them. The crowd is screaming for Rusev, booing Roman, and taking far too much pleasure into the fact that a sour Big Slow and Kane re-enter the ring to beat Roman down.
Sore losers, really.
The Rock enters to save his cousin. Rusev who was never eliminated goes back into the ring only for Roman to eliminate him for good. Roman is main eventing Wrestlemania so it will be Roman vs. Brock.
The Authority enters and glares at the family duo, but The Rock and Roman could care less, and instead bask in Roman’s win.
Okay….now it’s rant time.
Personally, I feel that it’s rather childish to boo every single contender that enters the ring after Bryan’s elimination. For an entire year the build-up has been for Roman to win–hence the outcome of last year’s Rumble. When Roman didn’t win last year the fans were livid, but now that he wins this year they’re still livid?
Daniel Bryan can’t main event every single year. For one, it’s boring, two it’s unfair, three, do you want another John Cena? Bryan is just returning from a major injury, he cannot immediately jump back into what he was once able to do, it simply can’t happen.
The point is for younger talent to get their chances to shine, isn’t that what people are always crying about and begging to happen? Yet when it actually occurs no one is happy because their superstar Daniel Bryan didn’t win. Up until Bryan’s elimination the crowd was great. They were responsive, contributed well, but after the elimination they turned completely sour.
I just thought it was childish. But hey, congratulations to Roman Reigns! Take the win in stride and prepare for Wrestlemania.
Besides, perhaps creative has something wonderful planned for the future? A SHIELD triple-threat match? Seth cashing in on Roman?
The possibilities are endless! Don’t be sour…..just uh, attempt to hope for the best.