Fast Lane 2/22/15

Standard

The pre-show for this pay per view did not include a match. This time, we were blessed to watch The Miz treat Mizdow like he was a dog….or a child.

Or a weird hybrid of the two.

Actually now that I think about it, that’s rather concerning.

Either way, after the pre-show the event jumped into the first match of the evening. The 6-Man tag match between The Authority and the Wrestlers Three.

Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan, Ryback vs. Seth Rollins, Big Show, Kane

Seth and Dolph start the match, allowing the universe to get hyped up with their constant running and jumping around the ring.

At one point Rowan roars at J&J security, affectively scaring the hobbits back into their hole before getting a brutal ringside beating.

Finally Kane pins Dolph for the win after Big Show delivers a knock out punch.

After their victory Seth decides to take care of the wrestlers three once and for all. After curb stomping Dolph, Ryback and Rowan enter in an attempt to stop them. Rowan is curb stomped, but before Ryback can meet the same fate we are met with the return of Randy Orton.

Randy runs into the ring, sending everyone to scatter in a frenzy. After delivering a few patented ‘rko’s outta nowhere, Randy watches as Seth flees like a bat out of hell.

To be fair, if I tried to end that man’s career and he came after me several months later, I would run out of the country as well.

Promo: Dusty Rhodes and Goldust

Goldust promises to beat Stardust so badly, that he’ll simply never want to be Stardust again and will revert to going back to being Cody.

Topless Stardust vs. Goldust

Honestly though, Stardust went topless. He also didn’t have his face fully painted. It was odd, it feels wrong, it just feels so incomplete.

During the match the mostly dead crowd (and I mean this for the duration of the night) begins to chant ‘Cody’. Chanting his real name seems to throw him off with a sort of inner conflict of who he really is. Stardust reveals some of his daddy issues because he asked his brother “who’s your daddy? Literally who is it?” He also shouts “who’s your favorite?”

Seriously though, that’s weird.

Goldust counters ‘cross rhodes’ and pins his brother for the win.

Promo: Family Reunion

Stardust joins his family backstage and completes his final transformation as the little brother with daddy issues. After savagely beating his brother he goes on a verbal rampage. Stardust lists a few of his former lives including ‘Legacy’ and ‘Dashing Cody Rhodes’. He tops it all off with a painful and heartbreaking declaration to his father:

“You killed Cody Rhodes.”

Ouch, no parent wants to hear that. However his delivery and theatrics doesn’t go unnoticed. Cody is developing the madness of Stardust even further which serves to make him even more entertaining. Even something as subtle as reacting to the crowd chanting his real name in such a way is very telling of the mind of his character. Let’s hope creative steers this psychotic mad man in the right direction and doesn’t destroy it before it reaches its full potential.

The Usos vs. Tyson Kidd, Cesaro

Tag Team Championship

Dozens of near pins in the match show how equally qualified these two teams are to be champions. Similar to what we’ve seen in the past, Cesaro causes a distraction ringside. This allows Tyson to pin Jimmy for the win, leading them to become the new tag team champs.

Tag team champions isn’t a bad platform to rebuild from, unless of course they lose it just as quickly as they got it. However I think The Usos can stand to be without their titles for a little while.

Triple H vs. Sting 

The somewhat war of words

After publicly apologizing for pushing Rig Flair, Triple H confronts Sting in the ring over the WCW chants from the crowd. Hunter promises that Sting’s legacy can live on through the WWE Network (only 9.99) and merchandise sales. Hell, he might even get into the Hall of Fame…..eventually.

Not a word is uttered by Sting, leaving Hunter to go for a cheap shot that is ultimately denied. A brawl breaks out and Hunter brings out the sledge hammer. Sting counters with a bat outta nowhere and corners his opponent. The discussion now becomes a bat vs sledge hammer altercation.

Sting points to the Wrestlemania sign indicating that’s where he wants his match. As a teaser for what’s to come, Sting hits him with his ‘scorpion death drop’ before leaving.

Dean Ambrose vs. Bad News Barrett

Intercontinental Championship

When Barrett realizes he can’t win this match he tries to flee. Dean refuses to lose the title because Barrett can’t stand to fight him, so Dean brings Barrett back into the ring not once but twice.

Apparently Dean’s assault on Barrett in the corner of the ring was too much for the referee’s standards. Dean gets himself disqualified, allowing for Barrett to retain the title.

However, Dean did say he was going to leave the ring with the title. A livid lunatic fringe continues to beat the champion before hitting him with ‘dirty deeds’, stealing the title, and casually walking away.

Now presenting….The Undertaker

Just kidding.

The crowd finally seemed to wake up when they thought they were seeing the Dead Man. Instead, when the coffin opened up ringside we were all shocked and put into an animalistic fury when Bray Wyatt popped up.

Bray Wyatt is calling out the Undertaker for Wrestlemania. The Undertaker, according to Bray has become weak, a broken shell of what he once was. Which….quite honestly leads to the perfect opportunity for Bray to claim his soul at Wrestlemania.

Now this is cruel. This is cruel to the audience to bring their hopes up only to brutally stomp them out  with the sharpest stilettos available. It’s also incredibly disrespectful to the Undertaker. Using his theme, his entrance, only to be a fraud? It’s guaranteed to get a response from the man, and most likely lead to a (possible retirement?) match at Wrestlemania.

Rusev vs. John Cena

United States Championship

No one was excited for this match, not in the audience and not at home. Hell, the audience booed both competitors. There were chants in the audience for every other competitor and commentator but the two people actually in the ring.

Lana enters the ring towards the end of the constant back and forth wrestler toss. When she enters the ring her distraction allows Rusev to deliver a low blow to Cena. Two attempts of his submission later, John Cena passes out in the middle of Rusev’s ‘accolade’.

Well, it’s a pleasant surprise to see that Super Cena didn’t succeed in this instance. It gives hope that a rising star would take the title from Rusev and end his reign. Will this actually happen?

Knowing WWE, probably not.

Roman Reigns vs. Daniel Bryan

To Main Event Wrestlemania against Brock Lesnar…

This crowd is incredibly pro Daniel Bryan, which can benefit Roman Reigns if he has a heel turn.

During the match there is a constant back and forth between the two of them, mostly countering each other’s moves. Both end up outside the ring and are nearly counted out, but manage to make it back in the last possible second.

Daniel shows his excellent in-ring abilities by countering Roman’s ‘superman punch’, allowing him to take control of the fight and pummel the larger man. However Roman not only kicks out of the ‘running knee’, but he gets out of the ‘yes lock’ and pummels Daniel.

Roman Reigns wins the match with a spear to counter the running knee. He pins Daniel Bryan and is officially, for the second time, on the road to fighting against Brock Lesnar.

Once the match is over, a very bitter and utterly defeated Daniel Bryan approaches Roman. Both Roman and the audience think Daniel will attack, but instead he shakes his hand and states:

“You better kick his ass”

What a perfect way to put Roman over.

…Unless tonight on Raw, The Authority decides to ruin Roman’s chances once again. However I think they’ll be too preoccupied with their golden child being stalked by the Viper. Ah, they must hate when their children fight, but in Randy’s defense, he technically was the first golden child.

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