Smackdown should best be known as nap time, no doubt about that. It has become the recap show and nothing remotely progressive happens on the show that won’t happen in a more prominent way on Monday Night Raw. There’s minimal to none story progression and the entire programming has become a bore.
It can’t even be saved with Daniel Bryan starting off the night bringing back his old ‘no’ chants in a rage fit because he’s a self-proclaimed failure. Smackdown was the night of sob stories, because Bad News Barrett decides to interrupt Daniel with a sob story of his own.
Barrett is upset and pouting over the fact that Dean Ambrose stole his title. The man quite honestly can’t be that angry considering he hasn’t even tried to get it back. Really, the man claims he deserves to be champion but he always watches Dean leave with his title. He’s either afraid of the lunatic, knows he can’t beat the lunatic, or a sad combination of both creating a pathetic Intercontinental champion.
Speak ill of the man and he shall come. Dean Ambrose enters, holding the IC title to mock Barrett. The two have a short brawl outside the ring until Barrett makes it back in….only to find Daniel Bryan holding the title like he found a precious baby goat. Barrett clearly wants his title back, but instead of getting it he gets a double dose of Daniel and Dean beating him before Dean gets the title back. Together Daniel and Dean look way too amused about the whole situation.
Huh, imagine them as a tag team? You could call them Double D. Or Crazy Goats–that was a youtube hit, right?
Wait that was screaming goats.
Dean Ambrose vs. The Miz
Mizdow is nowhere to be found! He must be shooting that commercial he was so excited about on Monday. Can’t imagine that is going to end well for him.
During this match Barrett comes back in the hopes of stealing his title back while Dean is distracted. Like a good ‘champion’, Dean always has his eye on the belt and stops Barrett momentarily. When Dean’s focus is back on the match Barrett slips away with the title. All the while Dean takes the win with ‘dirty deeds’.
Promo: Renee and Bad News Barrett
Barrett takes time out of his busy schedule to slander both Daniel and Dean. Apparently if you hold the man’s title away from him he gets a little bitter, who knew? The man is just happy to have his title back, and I’m sure he’s hoping no one else steals it.
Natalya vs. Naomi
Right now, Natalya and Naomi are arguably the best divas wrestling. They always put on a great display of athleticism and skills no matter how long they have for a match.
These two intimidating women were escorted to the ring by The Usos, Tyson Kidd, and Cesaro. While the women fight inside the ring, their escorts have a brawl outside the ring which ends with Tyson and Cesaro sporting matching hurt jaws.
Natalya decides to play possum as the referee is checking on her. Naomi falls for this tactic, allowing for Natalya to attack and pin her for the win.
Well done Natalya, now….please help those two massive men away from the ring because if looks could kill half the WWE universe would be dead right now.
In Ring Promo: Lana and Rusev
The dynamic duo attempts to justify the fact that Rusev doesn’t need to agree to a rematch with John Cena because he’s a champion. Basically, in being a champion he’s decided he can do whatever the hell he wants. They follow up this lovely conversation by trash talking Americans, only for a Real American to step out onto the ramp and stand up to them.
Jack Swagger enters and plays the good ol ‘Amurricah!’ Card to hype up the crowd before he attacks Rusev. Unfortunately for Swagger, he gets put into the ‘accolade’ and taps out even though they’re not in the middle of an actual match.
Well then, that’s just unfortunate.
Daniel Bryan vs. Bad News Barrett
During the match R Truth is on commentary, again with his #GiveTruthAChance bit. Although he does deserve some credit. Truth says he’s disappointed in Dean stealing the title and confesses that he himself is an honorable man. The follow up is the fact that he was an “Honest D-straight student”, and that is absolutely hysterical.
While Daniel and Barrett are actually having a match, Truth steals the title. He sneaks over and stuffs the belt under his shirt before walking away and hiding it once he’s back with commentary.
This man is worse than Swiper!
Daniel Bryan wins the match after hitting Barrett with the running knee. As it’s time to leave Barrett looks for his belt but can’t seem to find it anywhere and has no idea where it went.
This man is the equivalent of a kicked puppy right now. Honestly, he needs to get a better hold of his stuff and be more responsible.
Promo: Byron and Roman Reigns
Roman swears to beat Brock Lesnar even though everyone says he can’t. Apparently the word ‘can’t’ seems to irritate him quite a lot. Regardless, he’s going to prove that he can win and make his family proud.
Alright, well, good luck. Not raining on your parade here but I think Brock Lesnar is the type of man that he punches someone and the victim apologizes for their face being in the way of his fists.
….I’m sorry, that was terrible…but can we make Brock Lesnar the new ‘Chuck Norris’ thing? Brock Lesnar doesn’t go swimming, water just wants to be around him? Something like that?
Promo:Dean wants the belt.
Dean confronts R-Truth backstage because he’s well aware that man stole the belt. Without any fight or hesitation at all Truth gives Dean the belt. Dean looks like the happiest little kid in the world and once again has the belt.
Really, he takes more care of that belt than Barrett does and he’s not even champion. Is this foreshadowing that Dean will become the legitimate champion, or is this just comedy hour?
Fandango vs. Curtis Axel
Curtis Axel should never be allowed near a microphone and he needs a psych evaluation. He’s still going on about #Axelmania and never being eliminated from the rumble every time he enters the ring.
Dude, shut up.
Fandango manages to shut him up rather quickly by hitting him with ‘last dance’ before pinning him for the win.
Promo: Mizdow’s commercial
Mizdow is trying to shoot his commercial with two lovely women in peace, but The Miz is completely envious of him. He interrupts the shoot and not only mocks him, but manages to steal the commercial from Mizdow.
Something tells me Miz just got himself into a commercial for erectile dysfunction.
Goldust vs. Adam Rose
This was no contest. The veteran Goldust destroyed Adam. He easily pinned him for the win.
As Goldust heads up the ramp, a giant sock monkey rosebud attacks him from behind. It’s revealed that the sock monkey was Stardust in disguise. He drags his brother into the ring and hits him with ‘cross rhodes’ before leaving.
Geez, sibling rivalry is no joke in the Rhodes family.
Promo: Curious and Impatient Bray Wyatt
Seriously though, he’s both curious and incredibly impatient. In short he wants to know why the hell the Undertaker hasn’t been answering his disturbing calls or challenges.
Well…Bray…did…did you see what happened last year? Maybe that’s why he hasn’t answered? Don’t take it too personally you little swampy nut job, Taker hasn’t been around at all. It’s not just you.
Actually considering that you did steal his entrance and thoroughly insulted the WWE Universe in doing so, this probably is incredibly personal now.
Six Man Tag Rematch:
Seth, Kane, Big Show vs. Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, Erick Rowan
Leave it to the recap show to actually go all the way and recap a match because it was ‘so good and amazing’. No, it wasn’t that amazing of a match at Fast Lane and it’s not going to be amazing when it’s redone at Smackdown. If there was ever a match to replicate because it was just that good it would be Seth, John Cena, and Brock Lesnar’s triple threat match from the Royal Rumble.
Instead of the usual 2% of effort that WWE puts into creating Smackdown each week, they dropped it down to 0.05% by throwing us a so-so match from the disappointment that was Fast Lane. What a joke.
You can also count on WWE to highlight Rowan’s skills on a platform where barely anyone is watching or paying attention. Rather than having him show off how good he is during a pay-per-view or Raw, they let him get utterly pulverized during those matches. However in this one rare instance on Smackdown he’s actually displaying quite a feat of skill that should be highlighted on the main stages and not the recap show.
During this match Ryback botches ‘shell shock’ set up not once, but twice. The first time he ruins it is when he tries to execute the move on both Seth Rollins and one of his hobbits. Thankfully he didn’t get the chance, otherwise we may have seen the death of an Avenger rip-off and a hobbit.
The second time he botches the set up is just to Seth alone, but still manages to execute the move. Ryback gets the pin, allowing for Dolph, Ryback, and Rowan to win, in contrast to the last time those three went head-to-head with the Authority.
In Summary: Nothing was missed nor all that important. Perhaps something worthy of watching and remembering will happen on Monday Night Raw…
Which is usually the case.
Speaking of Raw, when the hell will Sheamus return?