SmackDown: The Raw Replay 3/5/15

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The latest edition of the SmackDown Summary Show starts out with one Dolph Ziggler wearing the Intercontinental Championship belt. He takes the time to point out the fact that he never got his rematch after losing the belt, and this is his second chance. So, to have another shot at getting his beloved belt the right way he officially enters himself into the IC Ladder Match at Wrestlemania.

Dolph begins to introduce Daniel Bryan, but before he can officially announce him Bad News Barrett enters instead. Barrett demands his title back or else there’s going to be a fight. Dolph prepares to fight him off but Luke Harper appears in the ring behind Dolph and attacks him from behind, turning this into a 2 on 1 fight.

Dean Ambrose enters the fray and joins in. It’s now Dolph and Dean vs Barrett and Harper. While the four of them are having a fight, R-Truth steals the title. He crawls underneath the ring and appears out of the other side so he can happily walk away with the title.

Promo: Renee and R-Truth

Honestly, Truth figures that if he just steals the belt he won’t have to go through a ladder match to have it. When Renee tells him that it’s not exactly how that works, Truth sets out to find someone to give the belt to so that the heat isn’t on him. Hell, he sets off to find ‘Jean Ambrose’ whom I suppose we’ll have to assume is the less of a lunatic fringe twin brother of Dean Ambrose.

Tyson Kidd, Cesaro vs. Los Matadores

During the match Tyson manages to pull one of his opponents off of the apron to prevent a tag from happening. In the meantime El Torito is snitching on Cesaro’s cheating tactics and plays the referee’s favorite little sidekick. Natalya is not happy with this little bull trying to ruin her husband’s chance at victory, so she tries pulling him off the apron as well.

Cesaro covers one of the matadors, giving he and Tyson the win.

Promo: Kane and Big Show

Big Show claims that Kane owes him an apology because Kane was wrong about Randy and his intentions.

Yeah I’m going to go ahead and say that Kane’s not wrong about this in the slightest. The man would know, he used to be a demon for Christ’s sake.

The giant also announces that he will be entering the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Then once he wins he will put himself on the trophy and make it the ‘Big Show Memorial Battle Royal’.

Don’t you have to be dead to have a memorial? I don’t think Big Show knows how this works.

Kane points out that he too is in the Battle Royal, obviously meaning these two will fight again like they did at the Royal Rumble. However Big Show delivers one hell of a remark to make up for his silly memorial comment. He asks if they’ll be getting “Devil’s favorite demon” Kane, or the “Men’s Warehouse Spokesman.”

Kane replies “You’re gonna like the way I look, I guarantee it.”

Collectively, we all died inside hearing Kane say that.

Ryback vs. Kane

Big Show is ringside to admire the Andre the Giant statue. When he’s seemingly bored with that he goes to the apron to try and distract Ryback for Kane. Instead, Ryback is able to pin Kane who was distracted by Big Show’s attempt to help.

Livid, Kane tells Ryback to stay in the ring because he will have a match with Big Show.

Ryback vs. Big Show

Big Show is incredibly unhappy right from the start, but really, is he ever happy?

Kane manages to successfully distract Ryback, doing what Big Show was unable to do for him. This allows Big Show to hit Ryback with the ‘knockout punch’ before pinning for the win.

Promo:Bray Wyatt has a death wish

Undertaker has yet to answer Bray’s call.

So, like any man would do, Bray obtains the urn and gently caresses it, hoping that holding the urn and being an overall creep will finally bring the Undertaker to him.

#GiveDivasAChance

This was an awkward shit show.

Before Brie can have her match with AJ, the Bella Twins say that they have been ‘giving divas a chance’ what with AJ being on vacation. However, none of the other divas were able to make it up to heir standards.

Uh…I’m pretty sure this is exactly what the trending topic was not about. The point wasn’t to turn the divas against each other, and it definitely wasn’t to have the supposed ‘top divas’ (yeah right) shame the others. WWE essentially turned what fans thought would have helped to elevate the Divas Division back to their prime and turned it into a joke. It’s done even later in the show, when Cameron, Summer Rae, and Eva Marie all point themselves as deserving a chance and scoffing at the other woman.

Yeah, way to make a mockery of a fan base right there.

AJ Lee vs. Brie Bella

Brie can’t seem to pin AJ to save her life. There are constant pinfalls but Brie is never successful. AJ is taking one beating after the other delivering very little offense.

AJ is able to counter one of Brie’s moves and contort it into her ‘black widow’ move, making Brie submit and giving the win. All the while, Paige was ringside and keeping Nikki from interfering with the match.

This match was a surprisingly long match, but rather than put it on Raw they put it on their secondary show.

Promo:Renee and Daniel Bryan

In short, Daniel hypes up the ladder match. He’s over the moon excited about the impending fight and can’t wait to see who comes out on top.

Miz, Mizdow vs. Kofi Kingston, Big E Langston (New Day)

Mizdow almost tags himself in, but because of this the Miz becomes absolutely livid. Distracted by his personal assistant trying to steal the spotlight, he gets hurt and that allows for Mizdow to tag himself in.

Miz later tags himself in when Mizdow is on an absolute role. Rather than quietly going back to the apron, Mizdow stands up to Miz and they stare each other down before Mizdow reluctantly gets out.

Because Miz was pandering the crowd, Big E took advantage and pinned him for the win.

Promo: Roman Reigns and Byron

Byron brings up Paul Heyman’s statements from Raw to get an opinion out of Roman.

He responds: “You do know Paul Heyman has made a living running his mouth and lying, right?”

Fair point there, Roman.

Roman knows he’ll undoubtedly get hurt during this match, and that he’ll take one hell of a beating. But at the end of it all, he’ll stand up and continue to fight Brock until he wins.

Yeah, I sense a lot of blood at this year’s Wrestlemania.

Jack Swagger vs. Rusev

Back to the ol’ U.S of A fighting with the Russians.

To no one’s surprise and with little effort, Rusev puts Jack in the ‘accolade’ and wins by submission.

Promo: #Axelmania

Just after Rusev wins the match, Curtis Axel appears on the jumbotron to call out the Bulgarian Brute. While perfectly imitating and mocking Hulk Hogan, he announces there will be a Curtis vs. Rusev match on the next Monday Night Raw. Then he’ll take his title at Wrestlemania.

Well, whatever works for you, you crazy wacko.

Promo: Cameron, Summer Rae, Eva Marie

This was what I referred to earlier before Aj and Brie’s match. The three of them all look at each other in disgust as though none of them deserve a chance. Effectively turning a serious issue about Diva’s being reduced to bathroom breaks and turning it into petty high school drama.

Well done, WWE. I tip my hat to you.

Dean Ambrose, Dolph Ziggler vs. Luke Harper, Bad News Barrett

As usual, R-Truth is on commentary, and he really doesn’t want a ladder match. The man would quite honestly prefer a footstool match.

This match requires all future competitors to work together. During the match we learn that BNB does not enjoy referee’s telling him the rules, because he shouts ‘I know the rules’ at the poor man who’s only trying to do his job. Dean and BNB later end up brawling outside the ring while inside Dolph hits Luke Harper with ‘zig zag’ and pins him for the win.

BNB is livid that he lost, so he hits both Dean and Dolph inside the ring. When he tries to take the title back from Truth, Dean dives through the ropes and takes out Barrett. Truth tries to leave but Luke stops him. Truth sets the belt down on the floor and tricks Luke into taking it so that he can kick him in the face and try to leave again.

Daniel Bryan appears on the ramp just as Truth gets there. Truth willingly gives Daniel the belt and goes on his merry way. Just when it seems like WWE may be foreshadowing Daniel entering the ladder match and possibly leaving as the victor, Stardust appears out of nowhere. He attacks Daniel from behind, takes the belt and climbs the ladder himself.

What…?

Well this upcoming ladder match is incredibly confusing to follow and seems like they’re just throwing anyone into the mix. Alright, well, whatever works for them I suppose.  It does lessen what seemed like it could have been a good feud between Dean and Barrett, but I’m no storyteller.

I don’t understand why WWE feels the need to use SmackDown to summarize Monday Night Raw, that’s kind of my job actually. Alright I don’t actually get paid for it, but it’s my ‘for the benefit of the public’ job. Huh? Huh? That was good right?

Goodness I’m awesome.

Well, this coming Monday supposedly Miz Khalifa–I mean, Miz–damn it. Wiz Khalifa will be performing. We may finally see the Undertaker answer Bray Wyatt’s call and uh….probably have more Diva cat fights.

Man Wrestlemania season is nuts.

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