SmackDown: Don’t Poke the Bear 3/19/15


SmackDown starts with Roman Reigns making an entrance, with all of his cheers shadowed by boos. The man barely gets out one sentence before Mark Henry decides to make another appearance. Mark Henry recaps what happened last week, in which he pushed Roman until the large man speared him into a new century.

After the recap he expresses that he expects Roman to win against Brock Lesnar. Mark does so by almost perfectly quoting Roman’s shirt, “You can, and you will.” How charming, really.

Unfortunately the sweet moment is cut short by the entrance of Seth Rollins with Kane, and his two hobbits. Kane calls Mark Henry a self help guru because of his inspiring words to Roman which…hey, if the shoe fits, right? When Kane is done verbally assaulting them, Seth talks about how the hobbits have hired more security to make sure Randy is out of the arena.

Of course, this is all for Randy’s own good. Obviously if Randy was in the facility he would get the beat down of his life courtesy of Seth Rollins…and everyone his parents have on the pay roll to keep him safe. Really Seth would just stay far away until Randy was immobile.

Seth says he needs a WrestleMania tune up before he fights the viper and that tune up will consist of the main event for the evening being Kane and Seth Rollins versus Mark Henry and Roman Reigns.

Congratulations to the newest Hall of Fame Inductee, ‘The Dragon’, Tatsumi Fujinami

Brie Bella vs. Paige

AJ and Nikki are both on commentary during this match. When AJ is asked about what she’s trying to prove she says that she and Paige are women breaking the mold, and it’s okay to do so and be different and still be successful. On the other end of the spectrum, Nikki says that AJ’s spewing a big ol’ vat o’ crap and that AJ and what she is doing is taking away from the Bellas and their hard work and she silenced them before she left on injury.

Well…..those are some fighting words. Good thing they have a match at WM.

Paige ends the match by countering Brie’s pin. Paige rolls Brie up and pins her for the win.

Promo:Super Secure Hobbits

J and J security make sure that their extra hired security are getting the job done and securing all entrances. Jamie does all the talking and demands authority, while Joey is the more silent fellow. To be fair, I would give up talking too. It’s exhausting.

Gauntlet Match

First:Dean Ambrose vs. Stardust

Stardust is still entertaining in the ring, searching frantically for his precious Ivory Enterprise while Dean is just confused and wondering when on earth they’ll start the match. The ‘Cody’ chants from the crowd seem to throw Stardust off and send him into another mental breakdown. Naturally Dean uses this to take advantage and pin him for the win.

Stardust however is bitter about his loss and continues to assault him after the match.

Second:Dean Ambrose vs. R-Truth

Holy crap, Truth is actually in the ring!

R-Truth runs and and fights with Stardust so he can have his match with Dean. When they manage to get Stardust out, the match finally begins between Dean and Truth…except Stardust still felt a need to interfere. Dean used Stardust’s distraction on Truth to grab him and pin him for the win.

Third:Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper

Luke Harper proves to be more of a challenge for Dean, whether it’s from sheer size and strength or because Dean had previously faced two other opponents. In the end, Dean could not hold out any longer and Luke pinned him for the win.

Quick Promo: Super Secure Hobbits

Don’t worry everyone, these two are still doing everything they can to finally order other people around and make sure the place is safe. Be cautious everyone, there’s a snake afoot!

..Or not…snakes don’t have feet.

Fourth: Luke Harper vs. Daniel Bryan

Probably the most important takeaway from this match aside from these two going all around the ring is one playful move Daniel executed. Now the ‘surfboard’ is hardly playful, it actually seems quite painful. What made it so playful was that during the long time he had Luke in this move, Daniel seemed to be lifting him as though he was lifting weights at the gym.

Right on Daniel, you have fun with your opponents as you’re stretching them and putting them through intense pain…..Actually now this just seems rather concerning.

Daniel eventually gets Luke to submit so he could take the win.

Fifth:Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler

Saving the best for last is a phrase taken quite literally in this instance. Dolph and Daniel have an incredibly athletic match where the two of them are all over the ring. They are throwing each other around everywhere and seem to have great chemistry. There’s constant countering of each other’s moves, some moving one after the other rather seamlessly.

In the end, Dolph wins after hitting Daniel with the ‘zig zag’ and pinning him for the win.

At the end of the match, like two good competitors would do they both shake hands with one another. This does not sit well with Bad News Barrett who miraculously still has his belt.

New record? Possibly.

After berating the both of them he hits them both with the microphone before delivering the ‘bull hammer’ to both men and standing victorious. Well, someone’s a sour puss.

Quick Promo:Hobbit Security Team is Super Safe!

Don’t worry everyone, no need to be alarmed. J&J are STILL making sure that the area is secure and Randy Orton will not be present this evening. With so many precautions, there’s simply no way Randy can appear.

Tyson Kidd, Cesaro, Natalya, vs. Los Matadores, El Torito

6-Being Interspecies Tag Team Match (What???)

Shortly into the match, Natalya tags herself in on Cesaro which means she has to go against Torito.

Right….so one of the strongest, best divas in the ring right now has to go against El Torito. Actually, she doesn’t even go against him. Natalya doesn’t wrestle in this match, as the little bull does a little dance for her which infuriates Tyson and leads to him tagging himself in.

This match was an insult to Natalya. There’s no diva to fight, but they’re willing to have her wrestle the bull as opposed to one of the Matadors? No woman to fight, not good enough to fight a man supposedly, so she’ll fight a bull. Well, okay.

Oh wait excuse me, Natalya does manage at the very end to execute a move. She catches the little bull and power bombs him into the mat before pinning him for the ring.

Ten seconds of wrestling glory for Natalya, great.

Mark Henry, Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins, Kane

When Mark doesn’t make his entrance the Universe’s attention is brought backstage. An unconscious Mark Henry is laid out on the floor while Zack Ryder, Titus O’Neil and Darren Young seem to want to help…but really are just pointing at him and looking on in shock. Well, they are just awful in emergency situations.

So when Seth and Kane make their entrance not only do they bring J&J with them, but they have four extra security guards as well to keep anyone, namely a particular viper, from interfering.

At first it starts out as a sad beat down on Roman Reigns. It seems a little pathetic, and it appeared as though Roman may lose. Which of course would be horrible, if he couldn’t beat Kane and Seth how could he possibly face Brock Lesnar?

However once Roman gains leverage, it’s all over for not only Seth and Kane, but the hobbits who interfere as well. Roman continues to showcase his strength and brutality as he shamelessly takes out these four men, ending it with a hard spear to Kane to pin him for the win.

As Roman leaves he shoves the extra security aside like they’re just a bunch of pests. As Seth is bitter over his loss, Randy Orton appears out of nowhere, coming up behind Seth and attacking him with a series of punches.

As the security team floods the ring Randy takes care of every single one of them, including executing a double elevated DDT. He hits Seth with his ‘scoop slam’ and is ready to hunt him down and deliver the RKO.

Instead Jamie takes the RKO before Joey too takes an ‘RKO’ in midair. Luckily for Seth, thanks to his hobbits and extra security Seth was able to slither out of the ring and to safety.

With the exception of snubbing Natalya during the ‘interspecies’ match, the matches for the evening were good and entertaining. The build up for the ladder match is leading to a promising match that will surely be talked about well after WM happens.

Roman is showcasing his abilities more to show that he is in fact ready to take on Brock Lesnar. As for Randy and Seth, well, it’s always going to be amusing to watch brothers fight in the ring…even if one’s emancipated–it’s a whole ordeal, really.

As for Monday Night Raw, one can only imagine what type of encounter Randy and Seth will have as WM draws near. Brock Lesnar is going to make an appearance, and that will leave the universe with just a taste of what will come at WM31.

But….let’s not forget, we’re going to see Undertaker soon. So, Monday should have a charming promo of Bray fondling urns, playing with ashes, more disturbing things of that nature for sure.

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