Raw: You Got STUNG 3/23/15

Standard

The last RAW before WrestleMania! Which of course means that they need to step it up and pull out all the stops. What better way to do that then to have Sting start us off with the night? It was beautiful really, the man got quite the pop. The energy from the crowd was…dare I say this without the Rock giving me the elbow…electrifying?

Okay, enough of the dumb jokes.

Sting, after a bit of chatter, announces that the one reason he’s there is to take down Triple H, the back stabbing manipulative punk. Now, no one can ever insult Hunter without someone coming to his defense, which leads to Stephanie McMahon entering.

There’s wonderful back and forth between the two of them. She starts with “Now you know what it feels like to make it to the big time” which…um…ow Steph. Damn.

Sting calls her the spoiled brat who believed she earned everything that was actually handed to her. Stephanie retorts with saying that Sting was loyal like a dog to WCW…which means he’s stupid.

Um, Stephanie, dogs aren’t stupid.

She further goes to insult him by thoroughly expressing her disdain for his paint job and calling him a “face-painted freak”. Well, at least she remained somewhat dignified by not calling him a painted whore.

When Sting’s retort is just to ‘whoo’ and wink at her, Stephanie is absolutely appalled. She tries to deliver a cheap shot and slap him across the face but she is caught by surprise when he catches her wrist.

No one stops Stephanie McMahon from slapping a bitch!

The moment Sting catches her wrist, Triple H enters and he is ready to tear this man limb from limb for touching his wife. Stephanie plays up her injury to coax Hunter into fighting with Sting. Once he’s up on the apron the maniacal princess gives him the sledge hammer, and Sting produces his bat from the coat. Sting is taunting him and practically begging Hunter to get in the ring with him while the crowd is eating it all up.

Ultimately, Stephanie coaxes Hunter out of it, telling him to “save it for WrestleMania.”

Oh yes, do save it for WrestleMania, this is going to be a glorious match.

Dean Ambrose, R-Truth vs. Stardust, Luke Harper

Bad News Barrett is on commentary for this evening, a nice change up from R-Truth, no matter how comedic he is.

As soon as the match starts the crowd chants ‘Cody’ which makes Stardust go a little bonkers. To save his partner, Luke Harper covers his ears like an over protective mother to shield him from the chants.

Dean and Truth work well together for this match, as they throw their competitors around both inside and outside the ring. Ultimately R-Truth pins Luke Harper for the win.

After they win, BNB flees with his title so no one beats him up and takes it away again.To celebrate, R-Truth dances in the ring before urging Dean to do so after Dean says he could do that too. Dean dances (or twitches) in the ring, mimicking Truth’s moves.

So…these two seem to have a special friendship, which considering Dean’s track record with people, well, kudos on that..I guess?

Special Olympics Presentation with Renee Young. WWE announces their partnership for the 2015 Special Olympics World Games and urges you to show support!

Promo: ‘Get Hard’ Interview Snippet.

‘Get Hard’ is a movie starring Kevin Hartt and Will Ferrell, you perverts.

The interview is conducted none other than Miz with Mizdow sitting in a child’s chair beside him.

Miz asks about stunt doubles, because the attention must always be focused on him and his own issues. When Will and Kevin seem to support stunt doubles and in fact tell Mizdow that he has a hollywood look (and integrity), Miz gets upset. He tries to send Mizdow away to get water, but instead Will gets up to fetch the water like the perfect gentleman.

Basically, go find the interview on the WWE website and watch it.

Miz, Mizdow, Adam Rose, The Ascension vs. Prime Time Players, Ryback, Erick Rowan, Zack Ryder

Bill Simmons on commentary and being incredibly sassy with JBL.

Right as the match begins the crowd wants Mizdow, obviously favoring the the personal assistant–and oh my god is that Zack Ryder?! The Ascension is there too! We haven’t seen them for awhile now have we?

When Zack gets in the ring he actually gets quite the pop, even his signature ‘woo woo woo’ chant is done by the crowd.  The Ascension are out and of course they are particularly brutal, but don’t get disqualified.

Mizdow gets to wrestle for a little while until The Miz orders him to tag him in, even counting down until he does so.

This was probably a mistake, as he along with his entire team are manhandled by Ryback before getting hit with ‘shell shock’ and getting pinned for the win.

Ryback seems to be a favorite for the Andre Battle Royal, which can be inferred by him obliterating everyone tonight.

Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins and J&J Security

(This was voted in by the WWE Universe, well done!)

Randy Orton is foaming at the mouth to get to Seth Rollins, who seems all too happy to be out there. Naturally any time Seth is happy one should always be suspicious.

It’s evident he has no intent on being in the match. Joey goes out first and is brutally slammed into the mat until Orton throws him back and orders him to tag Seth in. Instead, Joey tags in Jamie who has his ankle stomped in with brute force as Seth trash talks the entire time.

As Randy gets into ‘hunting pose’, Seth slips in and tries to take a cheap shot by curb stomping him while he’s down. He misses, but slips away before Randy can get to him.

In the end, Randy hits Jamie with the ‘RKO’ and Seth slips away.

Promo:AJ Lee and Paige

AJ is incredibly suspicious as to why Nikki would let them choose amongst themselves who would face her for the Diva’s title. She feels as though it’s a trap to divide the two of them. Paige agrees, but also says that AJ would be crazy to turn down a championship match.

She did it.

Paige done goofed.

She used the ‘c’ word with AJ…and AJ does not look happy in the slightest with her frenemy’s choice word.

Well, this could be incredibly horrible.

Paige vs. Nikki Bella

Diva’s Championship Title Match

Nikki, the ever so charming Bella that she is, is not happy with the beating she took from Paige while her sister was forced to watch. So to get even, she mocks Paige by doing push ups beside the woman that’s down in pain.

There are countless near falls, but ultimately the match comes to an end due to a mistake.

When Paige and Nikki roll out of the ring, AJ goes and attacks Brie to keep her from interfering. Paige walked over to AJ to keep her from interfering from behind her, causing AJ to throw her elbow back and knock paige out.

Instead of calling the match right there, the ref who was clearly WATCHING this happen didn’t say anything. It should have been an automatic disqualification becase AJ hit a competitor and Nikki still would have retained the title.

But the referee for some odd reason did not call it. Instead he let it go and allowed Nikki to drag Paige into the ring and hit her with ‘rack attack’ before pinning her for the win and to retaining the title.

This leads to a brawl in the ring between Paige and AJ, the soon to be tag team partners at WM.

Obviously they’ll work rather well together.

In Ring Promo: #SnoopMania vs. #AxelMania

Just as Snoop Dogg is hyping up this years WM, Curtis Axel enters looking as orange as ever. He mocks snoopmania and proceeds to sing ‘bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay’ like a true rapper extraordinaire, clearly upstaging the poser he’s in the ring with.

Snoop Dogg then says that he’s missing the most important ‘mania’ of them all…

Enter Hulk Hogan!

What a pop the legend got too, this was kept quite the secret. Axel is shocked to see him, but he doesn’t back down. Hulk looks him over and then begins the verbal bitch slap.

“Well let me tell you something brother…” Then goes on to ask Snoop, who would know better than himself, what the hell Axel is smoking to think he compares to either one of them.

Axel rips his shirt off and mocks Hulk saying the iconic ‘whatcha gonna do’. Now of course this leads to him getting punched and knocked to the ground. Hulk then sacrifices Axel to Snoop Dogg, who picks him up and hurls him out the ring.

The two celebrate, Snoop ripping his shirt off and revealing a Hulk Hogan shirt. The two pose together inside the ring, and Snoop Dogg looks like a child at Disney World having the time of his life alongside this legend.

Tyson Kidd, Cesaro, Natalya vs. Los Matadores, El Torito

The Usos and Naomi are with commentary tonight. In regards to Jey’s shoulder injury he assures the universe that the Usos are always ready and they’ll be at WM

When Natalya and Torito are in the match, Tyson automatically tags himself in to keep the little bull away from his wife.

However that can only work for so long. After bodies have flown around in every direction and everyone was kicked in the head, Cesaro finally tags Natalya back in.

Natalya goes for the power bomb after Torito kicks out of her pin. Torito counters and manages to pin her for the win.

…Los Matadores won because Torito pinned Natalya for the win. Natalya was pinned by a bull.

Moving on!

Promo:Bad News Barrett and Kane

Kane walks into the locker room just as BNB is having an all too tender and loving moment with his belt. He mocks the man for finally having the title in possession before informing him that he needs to take the title to hang it up in anticipation for WM.

After the title is taken away from him, BNB is left as a pouting child all alone saying: “It’s my bloody title”.

Well, you probably could have had more time alone with your title if you actually knew how to hold onto it.

Rusev vs. Jack Swagger

Of course as soon as the match starts the “We Want Lana” chants begin, they miss his estranged girlfriend.

Rusev wins by submission, getting Jack to tap out to the ‘accolade’ fairly quickly.

This is believed to have been intentional. He won’t let go and doesn’t do so until John Cena runs out, so he did this to lure out the walking billboard. Rusev and John Cena brawl, but Rusev dominates it.

He injures Cena’s back before throwing him around like a little rag doll. He gets Cena onto the announcer’s table and puts him into the ‘accolade’ getting him to pass out on the table before being pried off by several referees.

In Ring Promo: Bray Wyatt

Bray Wyatt calls out the Under Taker. He calls the legend a liar because he hides the fact that he wants his soul set free. Bray promises that the spirits he commands will take Taker’s soul to the other side.

Oh, and that he commands both the light and the dark, all while the mysticism of the Under Taker begins with the presence of what seems to be a powerful thunder storm.

Bray promises that he will take his place among the gods as the new face of fear, ending it all with “At WrestleMania Undertaker you can finally rest in peace.”

Then he does the Under Taker’s pose….and really, he’s just poking the big dog with a sharp stick.

Congratulations to the newest, and final Hall of Fame inductee Kevin Nash aka Diesel!

Promo: Have it Your Way!

Seriously, Burger King’s Chicken Fries are back, and we learn this all thanks to Natalya and Tyson. While Natalya is behind a divider doing her make up, Tyson expresses his immense love for the returning chicken fries. Natalya of course thinks it’s towards her, so when she finally moves and sees he’s only talking about chicken fries…she’s a little upset.

Until she tries one, and it’s just so damn good, even better for her than it was for him, that she just needs a moment alone.

Now that’s love.

Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler

Special Guest referee: Dean Ambrose

Dean Ambrose is perhaps the most laid back but thoroughly entertained referee. A slap fight ensues between Dolph and Daniel, and he is giddy and laughing the entire time. When the fight goes outside the ring, he watches and waits until the last possible second to order them back into the ring.

This is of course after they’ve gone through the time keeper’s area and can barely move.

As per usual the two put on an athletic match that involved being thrown around everywhere and being super kicked into every possible corner. In the end, Dolph wins by hitting Daniel with ‘zig zag’ before pinning him for the win.

Dean helps Dolph up, only to get elbowed by him. In retaliation Dean hits him with ‘dirty deeds’ before bringing out the ladders. Just as he is about to reach the top, BNB enters the ring and rips him off.

This starts a brawl between every future competitor in the ladder match this weekend. The brawl ends with everyone, including the ladder, laid out in the ring.

Promo:Paul Heyman beckons his beast.

Seriously, he just went to make sure the champ was ready to go meet his opponent.

Main Event: Brock Lesnar meets Roman Reigns

Now Brock only meets Roman after Paul Heyman has thoroughly hyped up WrestleMaina to the best of his ability for the final time. He even confirms that he has built up this fight so much and if he hasn’t already convinced you then there’s nothing else he could do to convince you.

Except for cutting another epic, intense, energy spewing promo that will make the non-believers fully believe.

Hell, he tells us that the fight is well worth the mere charge of 9.99 one would pay for the WWE Network where one can view WM as well as endless hours of other content.

Towards the end of his amazing promo, Paul goes a little too far which has even Brock looking at him like he’s insane. He proclaims that Roman Reigns would go into Brock’s house, take his wife, take the food off his children’s plates and rename them ‘Reigns’ and take over everything Brock has….then later alludes to Brock doing the same thing because that’s how badly he will own Roman.

Well, it sounds like these men are just a bunch of kidnappers quite honestly.

Paul ends his speech with ‘You can’t and therefore you won’t”. It’s the perfect cue for Roman Reigns to enter.

When Roman is in the ring with the beast the two circle each other like predators. Tension builds as Brock holds the belt up high, only for Roman to snatch it out of his hands.

Now one would think a brawl would ensue. One would assume Brock would ‘f5’ Roman after getting speared by him. One would think suplexes and superman punches would be thrown around like dollar bills at a strip club but that doesn’t happen.

Instead they play tug of war with the belt like an Eggo Waffle commercial.

This was actually an enjoyable final RAW before WrestleMania. It’s supposed to be that way. It’s the last chance to build up all the feuds and potential matches before it’s time to hit the main stage. They managed to hit the mark for most matches. They had Paul Heyman building up this intense fight between two monsters, two killers.

Now picture this. The massive, hulking beast known as Brock Lesnar at the top of the mountain. He rips apart anyone who scales the mountain and tries to take his prize. Roman Reigns is the sole man to make it up the mountain, but what do they do instead of fight?

They lightly tap each other on the arm and both roll down the side of the mountain like pathetic rollie pollies.

It’s just incredibly peculiar that for such a strong build up, there was a pathetic send off before WrestleMania. They were spoon-fed greatness from Paul Heyman but then they proceeded to vomit everything back up.

It’s just so odd to end RAW that way, especially between two men who are out for blood.

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