SmackDown: Battle of the Hair Styles 4/9/15


Once more Michael Cole is nowhere to be found at the commentary table. The poor man was injured so brutally that, well, he may never come back! That’s not true, I lied. He’ll be back eventually, but right now the universe will settle for Tom Phillips taking his seat at the announce table.

Now that we’ve settled that, the evening starts with Daniel Bryan. He does a very fine job of recounting everything that happened last week. Quite honestly it’s a great tactic considering that half of the crew is across the pond, his summary definitely cuts down the amount of editing that needs to be done. No video package necessary!

Now the moment the beloved goat mentions Bad News Barrett, said Brit makes his grand entrance. He’s cocky about delivering a cheap shot to Daniel during his match with Sheamus.

I had no idea one could be so proud about hitting a man who’s barely registering anything around him, but okay.

Next in line to be cocky about their signature move is Sheamus. While gloating, he also expresses the fact that he rather likes BNB because the man is tall.

No I know what you’re thinking, that’s really weird. But it’s totally okay, he only likes BNB because he’s not a munchkin like Daniel or Dolph. The two are ready to deliver a European ass kicking to Daniel and decide to charge the ring.

To save his goat buddy, Dolph makes an entrance. As he charges down the ramp he thoroughly analyzes Sheamus’ new look and comes to one conclusion. The man is the lovechild of Carrot Top and a Pirate.

Last but certainly not least, one more massive athlete has to make his presence known. Big Show climbs onto the apron and expresses the fact that he is just not happy that these two men were going to beat up munchkins without him.

Munchkin killing does not sound like a good habit gentlemen. the ONLY acceptable munchkin to destroy is of the Dunkin Donut variety.

Last but certainly not least, Roman Reigns makes an entrance. Why, you may ask? Well, because apparently the only person in the entire WWE that Big Show can feud with is Roman, so the big Samoan must make an entrance to stop him from eating the munchkins.

The munchkins and their tall friend fend off the hungry giants, which leads to a six man tag match for the main event.

Tyson Kidd, Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston, Big E (New Day)

As the New Day are making their way to the ring, the ‘New Day sucks’ chants seem to take over. This new chant makes them go absolutely psychotic. New Day goes on to say that the Universe has to like them. So…like them or suffer the consequences I suppose.

Alright, I give it a month before they go absolutely mental. They’re only slightly mental at this point.

When the match actually begins there’s a new side to the competitors of New Day. For example. Kofi Kingston who was once comparable to Spiderman can be seen as more Venom-like considering his new ferocity and viciousness.

Tyson had done an impressive flip at the beginning of the match to counter Kofi. Later when Cesaro is in with Big E he performs an astounding gut wrench suplex. Later he even swings the heavyweight of the New Day.

As the signature chants for New Day start up again, Kofi becomes distracted. Near the apron he falls victim to an uppercut by Cesaro from outside the ring while the referee isn’t looking. This allows Tyson to hit Kofi with the neck breaker before pinning him for the win.

Curtis Axel vs. Neville

Curtis Axel is not happy ladies and gentlemen, and all he wants is the man who gravity forgot for a rematch.

A rematch he gets! During the match Axelmania is incredibly mouthy while the silent Neville is flipping every which way he can in the ring, even flipping Curtis around a few times like the man is a rag doll.

In the end Neville wins his Smackdown debut by hitting Curtis with the red arrow before he gets the pin.

Promo:Renee Young with Alicia, Cameron, Natalya

Renee brings up the fact that the girls manipulated Kane and possibly screwed Naomi out of her number one contendership for the Diva’s title.

Natalya tried to defend Naomi by saying Naomi had earned her spot, but Cameron wants none of it. She claims that’s a lie and Natalya basically does not care for Naomi because she’s just happy she has a chance at the number one spot.

Somehow an argument breaks out between Alicia and Natalya because Alicia doesn’t respect the veteran divas. In a twist of fate that no one ever expected, this leads to a match between the two of them.

Alicia Fox vs. Natalya

Cameron is the special guest referee. Oh how convenient it is that there’s a referee’s sports bra ready for her considering the sudden fight that broke out between the two divas. No one could have expected Cameron to be the ref!

Okay, enough of that. The match goes back and forth for a little while. Cameron is shouting the entire time which is really very distracting.

In the end Natalya wins with the sharpshooter before the pin. Then, because all attention needs to be on her, Cameron performs a DDT to both competitors before staring at herself in the mirror.

Okay. I’d stay away from that nut job.

Bray Wyatt vs. Erick Rowan

Before Erick enters the ring Bray cuts a promo. He explains that he showed Erick what it felt like to be loved, to have a family. Bray claims he fixed Erick before setting him free. Now….? Well now he just wants to destroy him.


Erick enters the ring and doesn’t waste a single second. He shows a lot of strength in the match by shoulder bumping Bray so hard that the man flies right out of the ring.

However, strength does not always beat the evil genius that is Bray Wyatt. After rolling out of the ring Bray pretends that he’s too hurt to notice Erick running behind him. He turns in an instant and hits Rowan with a devastatingly powerful forearm.

The two end up back in the ring once more. Bray plants Erick with sister Abigail before pinning him for the win.

Miz TV

Miz’s soon to be Oscar-Emmy-whatever else there is-award nominee Marine 4 debuts soon, so of course we have to watch another trailer of the movie during his segment. Just when he’s gloating about his movie, Summer Rae makes an appearance and as she enters she corrects him and reminds him that it is “our” movie.

Miz of course is having none of that. It is his movie.  He informs her that all she is in the movie is an extra. Not only did he make her career, but he also made Damien’s career as well. So, this turns into another segment of Miz being absolutely pitiful. I think he misses Mizdow and just doesn’t know how to express it aside from being a self-righteous narcissistic jerk. It probably doesn’t help that Summer had interrupted him and reminded him how he was upstaged at WrestleMania by his assistant.

Mizdow decides to bless the world with his appearance and silently heads to the ring. When he’s toe to toe with his former boss, Miz proclaims that he’s willing to forgive him on two conditions. He shakes his hand, and he says he’s sorry. Mizdow seems so reluctant and clearly doesn’t want to do it, but he does it anyway…

…Right before he punches Miz right in the money maker and kicks him out of the ring. Just before leaving he grabs Summer Rae, kisses her, then gives the most devious, knowing grin to the camera before leaving to embrace his fans.

Yay for Mizdow!

Roman Reigns, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler vs. Big Show, Sheamus, Bad News Barrett

Dolph and Sheamus start the match, and quite honestly it is now a battle of the new hair styles.

Throughout the match we see Daniel being manhandled and thrown around every which way. Dolph takes his share of beatings but Daniel seems to be the favorite considering he’s currently the IC champion. The giants have their way with the munchkins for quite some time.

Until Roman Reigns, the power house who was saved for last makes his debut. He fights against Bad News Barrett and takes out anyone else hanging on the apron. Just as BNB is about to hit him with the bull hammer, Roman spears him and pins him for the win.

At least we didn’t have to see another Roman Reigns and Big Show face off. The idea is tired. If Big Show is really that insecure around Roman then maybe the man should seek a therapist or something. His obsession with the man is unhealthy at this point. Honestly I think it’s the hair. Think about it, Show is bald, Roman has a glorious mane…his insecurities may stem from this.

Well this coming Monday we will not have a therapy session about Show’s bald-headed issues. We do however get to look forward to a Diva’s Battle Royal for the number one contendership. We’ll probably have John Cena fight another person for the US Title (my money is on Luke Harper), and Randy Orton will most likely try and murder Seth Rollins. To wrap it all up, I am sure we will have Stephanie and Triple H scolding Kane for being manipulated by half of the divas….or Kane has a mental break down because he can’t get no respect.

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