SmackDown: Tough Love from Uncle Kane (4/30/15)


Ah poor Seth Rollins. All he wants to do is hang out with his little hobbits, but instead he has to run into Kane. Who well, quite honestly, is on Seth’s bad side just because he ‘screwed’ him over on Monday. Naturally this means Kane is jealous of Seth’s rising stardom while the Big Red Monster just seems to disappear in the background.

Kane sets a match for Seth Rollins going against Dean Ambrose, whom he was supposed to fight last week on SmackDown.

Poor Seth, all he wants is demon Kane from 20 years ago. Be careful what you wish for man, I think the PussyCat Dolls did a song on that.

In Ring Promo:Roman Reigns.

Roman wishes Dean good luck in his match later with their little brother Seth. Well, isn’t that quite precious? Roman’s over the moon excited with fighting for the belt after that little punk stole his moment, which obviously means someone needs to put out the fire that’s burning inside him.

Someone who needs to prove he can still be a monster!

Roman Reigns vs. Kane

(New Hotness vs. Old and Busted)

Roman Reigns wins via count out, because Kane fled the devastating spear. The thought of losing to Roman was far too much for the demon to deal with. Well, either that or he left his demon cookies in the oven and didn’t want them to burn.

It’s the battle of two massive men. Kane desperate to prove that he’s still got it (and he does, with the devastating body slam he gives Roman on the announce table). Roman’s trying to prove that he’s the big dog he was talked up to be in the Shield. Well, he doesn’t need to prove it, but considering he’s got Payback to attend to for the title, well the man has to make sure he’s ready to go! So…it’s new hotness versus old and busted, in a way?

Promo:Renee with Seth

Kane clearly got in over his head by challenging Roman to a fight. Seth very kindly continues to mock and degrade Kane by saying he never runs away from a fight before going on to say he will beat Randy and Roman on his own without any help from anyone…

Including J&J security, whom learn of this by Seth so kindly turning over his shoulder and announcing it to them.

Well Seth, with the amount of people you have angered you’re going to need help getting to your car safely and not getting murdered.

Damien Sandow vs. Curtis Axel

The victory goes to Damien Sandow, who manages to not only win, but be thoroughly entertaining and imitate Hulk Hogan being imitated by Curtis Axel. Whoa. That’s deep.

Wow, talk about a newly invigorated Damien Sandow. New entrance, new ability to mimic people by actually using his voice and sort of re-announcing his entrance…good stuff! Don’t worry, he also announces Curtis as well…with a bit more taste and flair. Also according to Damien’s introduction, we have all learned that Curtis is pigeon-toed. It’s okay man, we all have our um….feet things. Axel doesn’t like it being announced to the universe but you know, he’ll get over it!


…Probably with therapy…

Promo:Renee with Ryback

Now why is Ryback suddenly Bray’s target?

Ryback doesn’t even know. All he knows is he’s going to devote his match against Luke Harper to Bray Wyatt.

Alright well, I’m glad he’s as clueless as the rest of us!

Ryback vs. Luke Harper

Ryback proves himself to be the winner, obviously because he was starving and wanted to get away from Luke Harper as fast as possible so the smell wouldn’t ruin his appetite.

According to Lawler, Luke Harper is the product of a conjugal visit. Well by God..I just…okay. I don’t..I mean…I’m sure there’s one product of–you know what I’m going to stop while I’m ahead. So what does that mean for Ryback? He’s the product of two people who decided to make some babies on an empty stomach?

Oh hey there Bray Wyatt!

Bray decides that no one can mess with his followers. So Bray delivers a lovely sister Abigail before commanding us all to follow the buzzards.

So. Therapy. Is that a thing we can get him into?

Tyson Kidd, Cesaro vs. New Day

Tag Team Championship rematch

As a result of disqualification, Tyson Kidd and Cesaro are the winners. However, The New Day retain their titles.

What an emotional rematch! Tyson and Cesaro have been wronged and so desperately want their titles back. The New Day need to prove that they rock and in fact don’t stuck. They are willing to do any and everything to win the titles! But uh, yeah, life’s not fair guys.

Promo: Cameron and Summer

Cameron had a little too much fun running her mouth about Brie getting her ass handed to her by Naomi on RAW. Enter Nikki who comes to the aid of her sister who’s not even there to defend herself. This results in Nikki pointing out how Cameron pales into comparison to Naomi, and eventually leading to a match between the two of them.

Nikki Bella vs. Cameron

Nikki defends her sister’s honor and beats Cameron.

Sweet Lord of the Rings someone please silence Cameron in the ring.

I mean…uh, mouthy Cameron fights the somewhat noble Nikki Bella! Well, noble in regards of her sister at least. Recently anyway….uhhh you know what this whole thing is just a really fragile situation. But hey, maybe this will teach Cameron not to run her mouth so much.

Promo: Prime Time Players

They’re so innovative. They’ve created a new concept where if you don’t want The New Day on your screen, just clap them away!

They um, they also have a bit of a breakdown because they want their shirts to be put online and finally printed. Can ya blame them? Those shirts will give them millions of dollars.

Promo: Seth, J&J and Dean.

So, Seth and his hobbits decide to corner Dean in the locker room. Seth wants to appeal to Dean and get him to back out of the match so Seth can have an easy run going to Payback.

Really? Seth should know better than to ask Dean to back out of a fight, especially one that involves pummeling Seth into the ground.

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins

Seth actually manages to get the win without someone doing it for him! Wow! He’s growing up! Well…okay he did have some help and things were rather chaotic–who cares, let’s just allow Seth to enjoy his victory before Dean gets up and kills him.

What an almost wonderful, somewhat relaxing experience this was for Dean. The man loves having every chance he can get to hurt Seth, so this was at first a real treat. Seth…well, we all know he’s less than thrilled to fight against his brothers that hate him so dearly. Luckily for him he had the support of tough Uncle Kane.

The Authority beat up Dean after his loss, but Roman dove in to save his brother. Both Roman and Dean took care of Kane together.

It’s so sweet how the WWE is just a real wholesome, good family affair. I’m sure these two families will get together on Monday and have a talk over a couple of beers and smooth things out….Or someone is going to get speared into a garage door. Who knows!

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