Why Doesn’t Joey Mercury Talk?


Ah, Joey Mercury. The man with the shiniest head that even Big Show himself drops to bended knee to worship. Joey Mercury, the better half of Jamie Noble, one half of J&J Security. He is one of Seth Rollins’ personal hobbits, whether he’s Frodo or Samwise is still left up to debate. Joey Mercury is the man that makes the ultimate sacrifice for Seth on a daily basis. He does everything in his power to ensure what’s best for business is exactly what happens.

Even if it ends up with him and Jamie getting sent all the way back to Isengard via a devastating spear or RKO.

However, it doesn’t go unnoticed that at some point Joey had just given up speaking. The man is silent, a mute for crying out loud! He never speaks, finding the task to be so exhausting. Yet on the rare occasion that he wants to talk, someone takes the opportunity away from him. But overall, Joey makes the makes the choice to be a mute all on his own accord.

But…why? Why would he suddenly stop talking?

Well, because it’s exhausting. Speaking is a lot of effort, especially if you’re in the Authority. There’s always something to talk about, whether it’s Seth being the champion, or Kane drama, or Big Show probably having a meltdown over Roman’s glorious hair. There’s always something to say, but really that’s only a minor reason as to why he doesn’t speak.

Speaking just leads to trouble. Look at Seth! All he does day in and day out is insult Kane, and what does he get for it? Fatal 4-Way matches and various near death experiences! Talking just leads to trouble, and Joey has learned that sometimes it’s better to just be quiet. Besides, Seth does enough talking for both the hobbits. They don’t even need to speak to get into trouble.

Hey, anything to not get hit with as many RKO’s.

But the real, number one reason as to why Joey doesn’t speak?

He feels inferior to Jamie Noble.

Jamie has a beautiful voice. It’s majestic, the sounds that leave his mouth are absolutely stunning. Joey could never have an accent quite as elegant or as enchanting as his partner’s. Speaking has no purpose when you’re teamed up with Jamie Noble. His voice is so charming that every other sound that follows is hardly as impressive.

Honestly, Joey is just comfortable leaving the talking to the professionals.

One thought on “Why Doesn’t Joey Mercury Talk?

  1. Moe

    you bitch. stop talking way too much bullshit.. And at the end you mofo didn’t say the real reason
    why mercury doesn’t talk..


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