SmackDown: Snorefest of the Century! (5/28/15)

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Ah, the SmackDown before Elimination Chamber. Naturally, this has to be a good night. Or…a disappointing one full of recaps.

(Tonight it was the latter, I promise I make up for the lackluster night with amazing, out of this world in a semi-decent way commentary)

Dean Ambrose starts the night and retells his lovely and fun ordeal with getting arrested. We also learn that for his one phone call instead of ordering pizza (which would have been delicious), he called his brother, Roman Reigns. Dean had Roman buy him some time until he could somehow get out of his cell and get there to sign the contract.

Fear not, children! He signed the contract, and this Sunday at Elimination Chamber he’s going to destroy Seth Rollins to begin the Age of Ambrose.

Tyson Kidd, Cesaro vs. Lucha Dragons

Tag Team Lumberjack Match

For this match, very predictably, the lumberjacks are all the other tag teams that aren’t actually participating in the match tonight but will be at Elimination Chamber. Well, I can’t imagine this going horribly wrong in any sort of bitter, jealous rival sort of way. Sin Cara and Tyson start off the match and it is not slow in the slightest.

Something notable, Cesaro throwing his victims in the air and catching them before delivering a suplex. Very cool, also very alarming if you happen to be the one being manhandled by him. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. Even when they’re not actually in the match, New Day is forced to live with the fact that they suck…according to the Universe.

Kalisto pins Tyson Kidd for the win.

Promo: Kane and Seth Rollins plus the hobbits.

Oh dear, Seth does not find the ‘Age of Ambrose’ to be entertaining in the slightest. He just wants the man locked up in jail. Funny enough so does Jamie, who uh, thinks Dean is just like his aunt. Alright, well, if she can cook and is crazy I guess Dean can cook as well since he’s got crazy down.

Seth just wants to remind Kane to focus for when they team up and destroy Dean and Roman at the end of the night. All Seth really needs to do is trust Kane.

Yeah. Great idea.

R-Truth vs. King Barrett

Well at least Truth isn’t facing the nut job that brings a bag of spiders to the ring. Seriously though, people need to search Stardust before he enters the ring.

But anyway….both of these men will be in the Elimination Chamber for the Intercontinental Title. Truth is happy for once he doesn’t need to climb a ladder, and Barrett just wants his beloved title back, his waist feels cold without it.

Truth managed to pin Barrett for the win, but was immediately brogue-kicked by Sheamus who then took out Barrett.

Okay well, at least he waited until the match was over to be a jerk.

Promo: Renee Young and Lana

Renee wants to know how Lana feels about her public break up with Rusev.

Well, Lana is obviously sad about this, she felt like he could change and be different. Being wrong about that isn’t always lovely, but she knows she is no man’s property and not a prized toy.

As for her and Dolph? They don’t have a relationship! They obviously just enjoy hugging. With their mouths.

Rusev interrupts the interview and taunts Lana about Dolph not being present….then says it doesn’t bother him. Alright, I lack the ability to read people like any socially competent individual, but even I can tell that Rusev’s full of vinegar about this Lana and Dolph situation.

With the lovely words “you dug your grave, now you’ll rot in it” Rusev departs.

…Geez he’s a jerk too. He and Sheamus should get together.

Ryback vs. Rusev

The crowd wants Lana, Rusev wants Lana, and Ryback is probably just wanting food. It’s an emotional rollercoaster during this match!The Bulgarian Brute is less than amused when he realizes Ryback isn’t easily moved and thrown about. Ryback shows his strength through the use of a standing suplex, and Rusev’s just not having a good day.

The match ends in a DQ, making Ryback the winner. Most likely due to the fact that Rusev threw his head into one of the posts….Then threw him into steel steps when the match was called.

Paige vs. Naomi

Well something tells me Paige is a little bitter about her London beat down. Ah well, eventually she’ll get over it.Naomi starts the match with taunting and Paige retaliates by attacking her like a savage beast. Naomi certainly gets her revenge when she eventually gets the upper hand, throwing Paige all around (posts seem to be her favorite).

Paige wins after hitting Naomi with rampage.

In Ring Promo:Michael Cole interviews Kevin Owens

Kevin makes sure to put Michael Cole in his place by reminding him that he’s been in the business for fifteen years and has dominated all over the world. Which leads to him dominating John Cena at Elimination Chamber–I can fully get behind this.

He has nothing to prove to John, considering he’s the senior in the business. In fact, Cena has to–and honestly should–prove himself to Owens.

After a brief recap of what Kevin did to his former best friend Sami Zayn at NXT Takeover, we can only be sure of one thing–Kevin Owens will put down Super Cena like a race horse with a broken leg.

Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns vs. Kane, Seth Rollins

It’s the best friends versus the spoiled rotten child and his angry, hate-filled uncle. Honestly this family drama is absurd. This either requires therapy, or a spot on Days of Our Lives. One of the two will work just find.

While Kane and Roman start the match, Seth enjoys being a sneaky little snake in taking Dean out at ringside so they can gain the upper hand. However once Dean and Roman gain leverage, the hobbits have to save their beloved keeper. Throughout the match Kane and Seth use cheap tactics as always, and Seth naturally taunts Dean and has to slap him around because he feels like he’s better than him.

Roman and Seth go for the jugulars as Dean is taking care of Kane at ringside.Endless counters because the brothers know each other so well, and absolute brutality because they’re bitter.

The match ends in a disqualification when the hobbits enter the ring and attack Roman as he’s going for the pin. While Dean runs in to help out Roman, he soon becomes enthralled with assaulting Seth. Kane calls out New Day who helps to assault Ambrose, which leads to a flying, massive Samoan.

Xavier Woods is delighted, Dean’s pumped up, Roman’s sprawled out but happy with his good deeds. Overall, everything seems to be good as these brothers seem more than capable at taking out everyone in their path.Unfortunately for them the dream team comes to an end when Kane and Seth regroup and manage to take out Dean.

SmackDown ends with Seth delivering a pedigree to Dean Ambrose, unfortunately, he’ll never deliver it quite as well as his father.

Overall? A disappointing send off for Elimination Chamber. Whether or not disappointment will be the same outcome for the PPV, we’ll only know by watching this Sunday. However, there’s one thing for certain. The main event will absolutely be entertaining, because Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose always deliver, especially when they’re at each other’s throats.

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