On May 31st, 2015, the WWE Universe welcomes back a beloved and brutal Pay-Per-View, the Elimination Chamber. Conveniently available on the WWE Network. Man, what a time to be alive.
During this pay-per-view we have not one, but two chamber matches, the likes of which no one has ever seen before! It’s unprecedented, it’s hip, it’s new-ish. It’s kind of like going back to the old neighborhood and realizing it’s been turned into a hipster conclave of brunch at 4 pm and drinking until 4 am.
But who shall survive? Which man will come out on top? Rise to the occasion? Or simply, just barely, be able to drag their mangled body out of the chamber?
Probably the exact opposite of who everyone expects, but it’s worth a shot to predict any who.
Triple Threat Diva’s Championship Match
Paige vs. Naomi vs. Nikki Bella
Okay, let’s see what’s going on here. The title has bounced around the main three–AJ, Paige, and now Nikki. Those three have been dominating and had control of the title for the longest. AJ’s gone, and now we have Naomi entering the fray.
It would make sense for Naomi to finally have her shot and get the championship. Naomi’s the most athletic Diva in the division. She’s been there for so long, she was in NXT with AJ Lee, yet she hasn’t had the title for herself.
Instead WWE has been playing mean girls (a dumbed down version, of course) with the entire division but only focusing on a select few. Less than a hand full, even!
While the title should go to Naomi, it’s either going to go to Paige, or Nikki will retain it, but oh how I’d love to be wrong.
Tag Team Championship Elimination Chamber Match:
New Day vs. Lucha Dragons vs. Prime Time Players vs. The Ascension vs. Los Matadores vs. Tyson Kidd, Cesaro
Wow, what a mouthful of a match.
New Day are the current champions having stolen the titles from Cesaro and Tyson Kidd. Surely, the fact dropping duo want their titles back and were great champions, but they may not get them.
Prime Time Players are back and a win would be a lovely reunion gift for the two of them. Los Matadores…well, maybe a loss here could lead for a split between the two of them? The Ascension desperately needs the titles, because they’re seen as a joke at the moment. The dominating force that the universe was meant to fear was dumbed down to awful puns and terrible comedy.
Then we have the Lucha Dragons! Imagine if they walk away with the titles? New Day would have an absolute fit.
However…now that New Day is with the Authority, as of the recent SmackDown at least, it’s unlikely that they’ll lose the titles. The Authority doesn’t want any less than champions, so I find it likely that New Day will retain.
Intercontinental Championship Elimination Chamber Match
Ryback vs. Sheamus vs. R-Truth vs. King Barrett vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev
Now this is a bit difficult. Rusev was injured during the SmackDown tapings, so quite honestly I have no idea if he’s staying in the match or not. However, considering his relationship troubles with Lana, if he’s in the match he’ll be far too distracted. Rusev’s definitely going to try and murder Dolph Ziggler, so those two will be two consumed with each other to go for the title.
R-Truth, bless his heart, may become the second punching bag of the fight. We’ve got Ryback who loves to eat so he may chomp on Truth’s bones after Barrett hits him with the bull hammer elbow. It’s unlikely that R-Truth will walk away with the title.
That brings us down to Ryback, Sheamus, and Barrett. Perhaps Barrett and Sheamus will strike a temporary alliance to get rid of Ryback before settling it amongst themselves like gentlemen.
Or settling it with a brogue kick that makes Sheamus the champion. After all, he’s been booked as quite the uh…well, brutal jerk. It makes sense for him to have the title at this point. Otherwise he’ll probably just go around kicking anyone he damn well pleases.
Bo Dallas vs. Neville
I can’t bo-lieve it! Bo’s back and he’s trying to take out our resident superhero! I for one, can’t see that happening.
Neville’s the superhero! Superheroes can’t lose! He’s been attacked by Bo several times already. Now’s his chance to get revenge and I think he’ll do just that. He defeated Bo in NXT, and he’s going to relive that memory by defeating him at Elimination Chamber.
Kevin Owens vs. John Cena
Oh this is going to be good. Super Cena and Kevin Owens, the man who has no problem destroying his best friend. Hm, I wonder if him and Seth Rollins exchange notes on how to do so.
Anyway, Cena’s the equivalent of a Mary-Sue. He’s absolutely perfect, never loses, always wins, yada yada yada. With Kevin as the antagonist it’s utterly and painfully predictable that Cena will win…but….
Kevin Owens has 15 years experience, that’s more than John Cena. Kevin Owens is the NXT champion, and he’s absolutely ruthless. He’s power-bombed Cena not once, but twice in the ring already. While this should mean that Cena will get his revenge and win at the PPV, I think it might be the dawn of a new era. An era in which Cena is finally defeated.
Well, I want that to be the case. Owens has experience over Cena, and he’s absolutely ruthless. While Cena will most likely win–I, and along with the entire world, need Kevin Owens to ocme out as the winner.
I want Kevin to win, but it’s likely going to be Cena.
WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose
Now it’s very, very possible to beat Seth Rollins. We’ve seen Dean do this before, on more than one occasion. We know it can be done but it’s a matter of will the forces that be allow it to happen?
Those being The Authority, namely uncle Kane and the two little hobbits that could.
Dean’s capable of beating Seth for the championship, but Kane’s not going to let it happen. While we would like to see Kane choke slam seth through the announce table, it won’t happen. Seth’s going to retain the title, thus giving Dean a chance to run around and torment him until no end.
…Or…the next Money In the Bank, in which Dean wins the brief case and torments Seth for the remainder of 2015.
Am I hopeful for that? Absolutely!
Will it happen? Only if I was on the writing team!
Disclaimer: I am not a prophet and am absolutely terrible at predicting what the hell is going to happen. It’s extremely likely, and almost definite, nothing I have said will happen. But what matters is that….um….well…Uh. Enjoy the show!