Ah, post-PPV Raw, that’s always fun and exciting, where all the good stuff happens! Or…people are disappointed, one or the other really, can never tell. On this particular night we start off with The Authority who looks less than amused. I can’t imagine why. Sure their son may be empty handed but, you know, things get stolen. Really, it’s not the first time Seth has lost something, they should be used to this by now.
Okay, so Dean Ambrose has a theft problem. To be fair….alright I’ve got nothing. Seth’s father Triple H beckons Dean Ambrose out several times, but instead of answering the call, Roman Reigns makes an entrance. I mean, he’s Dean’s best friend so it’s close enough. Roman informs them that Dean isn’t present, and may never come back until Money in the Bank for a ladder rematch.
Roman’s a wonderful spokesperson. A ladder match? I’m here for that. Roman points out that Dean did beat him, and the crowd gets behind him. Seth’s a loser now–beaten by Dean, rolls with his mom and dead…horrible security. He sucks!
Seth’s so insulted that he accepts the rematch. He goes absolutely ballistic as he says he needs no one–not a 7 foot piece of crap, no hobbits, not his parents–to prove how great he is and to get his belt. That tantrum was a billion-dollar princess worthy tantrum. Well done, mom has taught you well.
As revenge upon Roman Reigns and his smug self, Triple H says if he loses his match tonight, he won’t be in the MITB ladder match.
King Barrett vs. Roman Reigns
Ah, Barrett fresh off of his loss, and Roman, fresh off of his smug-filled encounter with the Authority. The question now is, can the Samoan Badass beat the King? Roman is not here to lose his chance on getting that briefcase. He has no issues in kicking Barrett repeatedly or smashing his head on any available surfaces.
Barrett of course needs to get into the MITB match as well. As the King, he needs to hold that high standard. Should he need to do so by smashing Roman’s knees with steel steps, get him in a few head locks, kick him right in the face…so be it.
The winner of this match is Roman Reigns with a deadly spear–even after being hit in the eyes by the King.
Promo:Roman Reigns, Triple H, Stephanie McMahon
Well, these two aren’t happy. So, they decide that Roman is still in the match…only if he can defeat his next opponent, Mark Henry. Hm, I sense them putting up as many obstacles as possible.
Promo:Byron Saxton, Nikki Bella
Nikki spews on about how honored and proud she is, until she’s interrupted by Paige. Paige demands a rematch, which Nikki accepts, and the match will happen later in the evening.
In Ring Promo:Ryback
Aw, Ryback is so proud to be the new Intercontinental Champion. Well, how precious! He’s ready to take on any and every challenger. Good for you buddy.
Ryback vs. The Miz
Someone fire Miz’s personal stylist or burn that weird hood he has on his head because it is just not working for him. I understand going sleeveless because it’s summer, but the scarf, hood thing you’ve got? Not feeling it sir.
Before the match can start, Big Show makes his return. Not that anyone really missed him or realized he was gone, but hey he’s back. He decides to knock Miz out cold and states that if anyone will beat Ryback for the belt, it’ll be him. After all, he is the real big guy, considering he’s a giant. Let us all take a moment though, to appreciate the fact that Ryback was fighting the urge to step up onto his tip toes.
Well, no match for the belt tonight, Ryback can rest easy with his title, perhaps take it out to dinner.
In Ring Promo:Kevin Owens
Well according to Kevin, he certainly knows how to deliver.However, even though he won his match, he couldn’t help but to feel…a little disappointed. His wife was happy and proud, but his son was so devastated that John Cena lost. Oh dear, the blind worship of Super Cena is not okay.
Down with the superhero! Is basically what Kevin says when he announces that he will defeat Cena all over again at Money in the Bank.
The walking billboard himself comes out, clearly not happy that Kevin wants to destroy him. Supposedly Cena was going to walk out and just hand Kevin his US Championship Belt because he deserves it, but his speech before hand absolutely ruined his chances. Sure John, that’s exactly what you were going to do…just hand it over…eh, I don’t know about that.
The wonderful promo, topped off by Cena, ends with Kevin running away from the almost-fight with his
title tail tucked between his legs.
In Ring Promo: New Day
New Day is hot (hot damn)! Plus at Money in the Bank, Kofi firmly believes he’s going to win! According to Big E this means we all become Mr. Money in the Bank. I don’t quite think that’s how that works man.
Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler
Oh look, Lana’s accompanying Dolph to the ring! Hm, I guess their flirtationship is going well…or whatever the hell it is they have going for them. Instead of being at ringside like she used to do with Rusev, she’s waiting on the ramp. Hm, well, I guess she and Dolph aren’t as wonderful together as she and Rusev were. Maybe next week Lana will be halfway down the ramp this time. Gotta work in stages!
Dolph pins Kofi for the win.
After he wins, all of New Day attack Dolph. Luckily for him, the Prime Time Players come to the rescue!
Prime Time Players, Dolph Ziggler vs. New Day
Well, even after a quick match and a brief beating Dolph still has some ammo left in him for another match. Darren Young started out strong with Kofi, but New Day was quick to use their cheating tactics and take control of the match. When it’s Titus’ turn inside the ring he absolutely lets loose and destroys everyone. With ease he almost wins by pinning Xavier Woods, but Kofi breaks the pin.
After a bit of a scuffle, Titus manages to pin Xavier for the win.
Oh, right, and Lana’s still on the ramp watching the match. Wow, she’s patient.
Roman Reigns vs. Mark Henry
Match number two for Roman Reigns. Hey, if you want to be a future WWE Heavyweight Champion, you gotta put in the work.The world’s strongest man huh? Just spear him through the barrier again, you’ll be fine!
Roman almost started off strong, but what would have been a Samoan drop was countered by Mark Henry. Henry then went for the eye, which of course had been hurt earlier on in the night. A cheap, but valuable tactic. This allows Mark to throw Roman around the ring like a wet rag.
Winner by a count out is Roman Reigns who manages to stay in MITB–again!
But of course, Mark Henry is a bitter man. He returns to the ring to slam Roman down on the mat before delivering a rib shattering splash. Mmkay well, that’s just rude.
Promo:Roman Reigns, Stephanie McMahon, Triple H…again!
Oh boy the couple from hell is at it again. Let me guess, third time’s the charm?
Yes, yes it is. Follow the buzzards Roman, follow the buzzards…to the dirty, rancid swamp Bray Wyatt came from.
Paige vs. Nikki
Ah, Nikki and Paige for the championship….again. Man, so…these are the only two Divas on the roster I guess.
Nikki’s off to a cocky, conceited start. Slapping Paige in the face, taunting her and doing pushups near next to the fallen challenger. Clearly the belt has gone to her head. Yes, I’m aware belts go on the waist. Nikki is absolutely bringing the fight tonight with her grappling attack on Paige that nearly had the woman tapping.
Hiding under the ring was Brie Bella, who rolled out and hid Nikki under the ring when Nikki fell out. So, Brie Bella pins Paige to retain the title for her sister.
Wow, alright then. Twin magic with a fake weave?! That’s some serious strategizing.
Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
Randy’s been gone for a little while, and during this time he’s apparently developed quite the hair fetish. Or he’s just genuinely curious on what it’s like to have a mohawk. Really, he catches Sheamus in a hold and decides to play with the top of his hair. Well, everyone’s gotta satisfy their curiosity somehow. Now was it soft, or too prickly to deal with?
Sheamus doesn’t like people playing with his hair, and he was sure to make Randy pay with a few uppercuts and uh…not much actually, as Randy dominates most of the match. Hm, if this is any sort of indication of how MITB will go, Randy’s going to own Sheamus at least.
The match ends in a DQ when Sheamus uses a chair on Randy at ringside, leaving Randy to be the winner.
Well, as much of a winner as a guy can be when he gets hit with a chair and a nasty brogue kick, and driven into the barricade. But that’s not enough for Sheamus who has to hit him with another brogue kick. Okay Sheamus, that’s just not very polite of you. I guess this is what Randy gets for touching the mohawk.
Promo: Byron Saxton and Rusev
Oh look, it’s an injured Rusev who was unable to compete! Well, he looks extremely distraught at the moment. He’s so upset because he has nothing. Not a belt, not a woman, no career…he’s a broken man. Literally too, what with his injury.
I guess that’s what happens when you’re a terrible person.
Bo Dallas vs. Neville
So, Bo is very bitter over his loss. At this point all he wants to do is hurt Neville…not very healthy of a mindset if you ask me. Bo’s hatred definitely shows. He’s particularly brutal to Neville tonight, baring giving Neville a chance to breathe between him tossing the man around and uh, shouting at him.
Neville does manage to get the upper hand, quickly putting Bo away with the red arrow.
Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns
So, third time may not actually be the charm considering Roman is half dead and he’s going up against this absolute nut job. Well, third time would be the charm for Bray who would actually be in the ladder match should he defeat Roman.
At least Roman starts out strong in an attempt to end the match early. Couple of big ol’ slaps and throwing Bray around–not half bad. However, it’s not enough, because Bray quickly gains control and has way too much fun punishing Roman. Just to make matters worse, the Authority come out to watch Roman get destroyed by Bray. I suppose they’re the last resort just in case Roman gets too close to beating Bray.
Watching Roman in this match is like a flashback to his beatdown during WrestleMania. He’s being treated like an absolute rag doll getting beaten and thrown every which way, yet still managing to kick out at just the right second.
Because of Roman’s inability to stay down, The hobbits and Kane get ready to attack with the golden child. Even with the distraction, Roman takes everyone out and still manages to spear Bray for the win. After the win, the Authority regroups to attack the fallen man.
Cue Dean Ambrose coming in to save his best friend. With belt in hand, back to back with his best friend, Dean takes out the Authority with Roman. Dean gives Seth his title back, but hits him with dirty deeds before taking it right back.
To be fair, Dean did give Seth the opportunity to get the belt back. Seth just couldn’t capitalize. Ah, I can’t wait for the tantrum Seth will throw on Thursday night’s SmackDown.