RAW: Cesaro’s Main Event Gold (7/6/15 Highlights)

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Ah, Monday Night RAW! Now this has to be an interesting episode. This is coming after the Beast in the East special, where Finn Balor became the new NXT Champion, Brock Lesnar decimated Kofi Kingston and the rest of New Day…a hectic time, really. Plus, we will find out some very crucial information. For example, does Kane plan on getting lei’ed on vacation? Let’s find out!

Highlights

Paul Heyman knows his commandments!

Apparently Seth broke the 11th one, thou shall not intentionally provoke the beast Brock Lesnar.

I think that one is just for everyone’s safety, Seth, how could you do that!? You’re going to be forced into public housing in Suplex City. That is not a good place to be.

Kane’s Hawaiian vacation and J&J’s Road Trip

…I just.

Wow.

Thank you. Thank you for this very cartoony Saturday morning experience.

Miz’s commentary during Ryback vs. Big Show

Although at one point he did take to cheering Ryback on in such a way that makes it sound like the two were in bed, if you were not staring at the screen. “Harder Ryback, harder come on!”

Interesting…

Roman and Sheamus having a pretty solid match.

Sheamus getting clocked with a superman punch right after jumping off the top turnbuckle? Priceless.

Bray’s stunt double.

The man went down the ramp during Roman’s match and took a brutal superman punch. Roman lost by count out, Sheamus won obviously, and Bray continues to be a psychotic evil genius.

The real winners here are the WWE Universe, clearly.

Randy Orton returns!

He’s absolutely on fire, delivers a nasty RKO…and plays with Sheamus’ hair. So, someone’s in a good mood!

Triple H tells Seth to call out Brock Lesnar.

Seth Rollins. Why the hell does that sound like a good idea? I don’t care if the Cerebral Assassin is your father. That’s a terrible, horrible, no good very bad idea.

Well, Suplex City will have one new resident alright, in the cemetery.

Rusev: Don’t waste your precious words, hot Summer.

Oh my stars and garters. Someone get Rusev to publish a book of pick-up lines. What a charmer!

Rusev and Summer Rae dismantling Dolph and Lana in the ring.

Wow…well. Rusev’s clearly doing just fine. It took him way too long to take off the walking boot, but he’s doing just fine! Maybe he needs to work on his motor skills but uh…his brutality is up to par.

Seth: Are you the beast everyone says you are? Or are you just Paul Heyman’s bitch?

WOW! It was nice knowing you Seth.

Don’t worry. The first thing to be destroyed was the beautiful cadillac. Which, now that I can see the Beast Brock Lesnar can destroy it? Definitely not going to purchase that vehicle. It’s not safe in the slightest.

Then the hobbits are destroyed, as they are so distraught over their vehicle they go to attack Brock….and that is such a mistake.

Seth….oh Seth. Lucky little runt Seth Rollins just barely escaped.

Prime Time Players on commentary.

Good god, Titus bringing the sass. I can listen to this all day.

Cesaro stepping up to Kevin Owens.

Forget Kevin Owens getting another shot at Cena! He stole Cesaro’s win, and Cesaro’s here to claim it once again! Oh I am so here for this. This is beautiful. Kevin will probably try to kill Swiss Miss, but you know. It happens to everyone!

The entirety of Cesaro vs. John Cena US Open Challenge

Right. Usually I’m better at pinpointing key moments, but this entire match was just magical. Spinner uppercuts, attitude adjustments off of turnbuckles, counters…everything about this was beautiful. Even though Cesaro lost, it surely proved one thing.

Cesaro’s main event material. Putting him in a match against Cena FINALLY gave the man the spotlight that he deserves. They closed out RAW (You know, with a bitter Kevin Owens) and it was great. The match brought life to the shore that was otherwise lacking and missing something.

What a night to be alive!

Especially for Seth Rollins–because after all the taunting he did to Brock Lesnar, he’s lucky he’s still alive.

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