Recently, photographs of the one and only Vince McMahon’s notes for commentary have hit the internet like wildfire–or rather, the WWE Universe like wildfire. Some people just don’t care about this, but you know there are fans who foamed at the mouth to be able to see this.
When you first begin to read the notes you think oh, okay, this is fine, definitely understandable. Know the business and enjoy yourself, I can get behind that! Of course, particular ways to portray a superstar are important as well. You don’t want to paint a scumbag like say…Seth Rollins as some sort of superhero that the world loves and bows down to.
However, there are things you clearly need to avoid. Some are rather self-explanatory, but others? Well…okay, I need to make fun of them.
Never say…the title is on the line.
That’s not creative enough! Nor is it actually on the line. What line? A yellow line in the middle of a road? The dotted white line? In between two white lines near a stop sign!? WHAT LINE IS THE TITLE ON?! Fans may take this statement far too literally!
Never say…sports entertainment, say entertainment.
This isn’t sports entertainment. These people aren’t sports entertainers, nor are they professionals, professional wrestlers, pro wrestlers, or any variation of the sort. These are just people who like to run around and get hurt, and this is just flat out entertainment. There is nothing sporty about acrobatics in the slightest. But remember, don’t say acrobatics either.
Don’t be crude.
Looking at you Jerry the King Lawler, don’t be crude, especially towards the Divas! Hm, interesting advice, fascinating really. How long has that been in effect? Because I’m pretty sure he still gets away with it, or is it only because he’s the king? Maybe they revoked this statement?
Remember…no one cares what you think.
Only fans can care about the matter. You’re not allowed to express your opinion on what’s going on, who’s involved, or anything that can be remotely similar to that.
Yet you have to be creative about all of this! You have to find a way to tell a story while minding a great deal amount of vocabulary, being incredibly entertaining, and not having much of a personality because the fans do not care for your personality. Only those in the ring! But remember, you can’t make the play-by-play announcer look bad or–
Good GOD my head is spinning. I’m dizzy. Okay, phew. Wow. I need to take a breather. I wish someone was doing the play by play on this piece right now. Save me some effort.