RAW: Divas Were Amazing That’s All That Matters! (7/13/15 Highlights)

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Ah, tonight is the night Seth Rollins signs his death certificate. I mean, uh, …a contract signing! Right, not a death certificate in the slightest. That would be horrible! Not like he’s literally taunting death and laughing in his face before a match that puts his title on the line, nope, not in the slightest.

Okay, Seth’s going to die.

Highlights

Seth was so angry he forgot how to speak.

It’s okay man, we’ve all been there. So consumed with rage that we can’t even formulate a sentence. It’s alright Seth, that just makes you all the more relatable.

Brock: I can take you to Suplex City tonight, bitch.

OHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

That’s what the crowd said. I agree.

Randy making fun of Sheamus behind his back.

Was that…two thumb’s down but having a seizure? I have no idea, it was absurd, it was so ridiculous, but it was quite comical.

Roman sneaking up on Bray.

Finally, he gets the upper hand for once and can attack first! Boy, Roman Reigns appearing from behind someone in the dark? Doesn’t sound quite as scary until you actually see it happen, even to the swamp thing.

Remember children, don’t upset the big man with the majestic mane.

Stephanie McMahon bringing Becky Lynch and Charlotte to fight alongside Paige

Oh my god yes. Thank you. My day has been made. This is absolutely wonderful.

But it gets better!

Let’s not forget the introduction of…Sasha Banks

Sasha joining Naomi and Tamina, oh my stars and garters. Ladies and gentlemen the brawl that ensued was absolutely beautiful. You see WWE? Do you hear the ‘this is awesome’ chants? This is what giving divas a chance looks like. Pure, brawl-filled brutal glory without any sort of catty behavior.

That entire Divas segment was beautiful and wonderful and now that the standard has been set I expect RAW to forever be that good for the divas.

I know, high hopes.

Cesaro’s an animal.

Performing a double german suplex to both Kevin Owens and Rusev? Good grief he’s an unstoppable force of pure muscle. Again, this triple threat match was magnificent.

If they forget about Cesaro and shove him to the side after all this, I will have a strongly worded blog post of rage that’s most likely under 600 words.

Lita returns!

Of course it’s in regards to Tough Enough…but still. It’s Lita. Standing in the ring. On my screen on Monday Night RAW, that’s fine with me because the Queen has returned. For a moment, I can forget that none of these contestants actually give a damn about being a wrestler.

Stardust returns!

Welcome back buddy, we missed ya! Digging the baby blue by the way,have fun attacking superheroes–I mean. Neville. That’ll be fun.

Actually, makes sense for Stardust to go after Neville.

Gravity…stars…all that…that’s a thing.

Paul Heyman is a Shield fangirl.

He’s dying for someone to get their hands on Seth Rollins, and that happens to be Brock Lesnar. To be fair, aside from being a fangirl, he did bring those three in for CM Punk. It’s only fair he wants this little rat to get the beating he’s long deserved.

Seth’s plans were foiled!

You probably shouldn’t announce on live, national television that you have a plan to begin with dude.

Seth: You wanna be hall of famer! [to Kane]

Alright so. This is official. Seth Rollins has officially paved the path to his death bed with golden bricks in its place, lined with red velvet ropes.

With the amount of disrespect this brat has shown, it’s clear the Authority are going to turn on him Sunday, right?

Alas, the Authority protection team has been destroyed. Seth will be alone in the ring, no man to save him or take the bumps for him, leaving Seth to have a complete temper tantrum as a result of it all. Life is hard to be the golden boy these days.

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