Welcome to Monday night RAW! The show where everything’s live, and if you screw that up the Universe will talk about it for for an entire week! This however is a very special edition of RAW; meant to entice you to watch SummerSlam this Sunday only on the WWE Network!
Man, I should have gotten a job in advertising.
The awkward Demi Lovato music + SummerSlam promo pictures.
All while The Authority is trying to hype up and explain the event. Could it be anymore awkward to watch/listen to? You’d think not, what with that song playing on repeat in the background at such a frequency it makes you want to tear your own ears out and eat them for good measure.
Stephanie announces Jon Stewart will be hosting SummerSlam.
Oh praise the gods of comedy.
Cesaro feeding Sheamus to Orton.
Hey, they each have their opponents. It’s quite nice of Cesaro to let Randy have the first go at Sheamus. Hopefully Randy can respect the hawk.
Kevin Owens put his fists up just like the Cowardly Lion.
Put ’em up! Put ’em up!!!
Seth wants a statue of himself among the legends at WWE HQ.
Oh Seth. A statue in your own likeness if you beat John Cena and hold both championships. Oh dear. Well, someone’s a smug little rat, isn’t he?
JBL hurt Dean’s feelings.
So much so that Dean moved and sat next to Saxton. That poor, delicate, junkyard dog.
Saxton doing commentary on his knees.
TAMINA HAS A MATCH.
Rusev stumbling like a drunken monkey after Dolph makes a very physical return.
That’s fantastic. Plus he used Summer as a human shield! Rusev is really the ideal standard to live up to as a human being.
Seth calls Daniel Bryan a cripple and John Cena finally comes out to talk…
Ya see that Seth? You don’t insult his wife-to-never-be’s sister’s husband. Not unless you want the champ and his newly refurbished nose to appear.
King Barrett the Cosmic King are the Lords of Darkness.
Stardust just seems absolutely pickled to be referred to as such. How precious! Barrett just looks like he’s auditioning for Zoolander 2.
Sasha Banks made Nikki tap out.
Well hot damn. Look out
Submission Sorority PCB, there’s a boss around who can make the champ tap too.
However, people were too busy chanting “we want Lesnar” to notice this lovely match.
Brock Lesnar’s homecoming includes streamers and confetti.
‘Cause that’s just the type of man he is. The beast loves to be showered with paper cuts in his hometown.
In addition to confetti. Paul Heyman serenades him.
Taker, if you will, please resolve this deafening issue. Thank you. Right in the testicles, as it should be.
Now if you’ve decided to skip all the way to the end just to see my witty and or possibly corny endings, here’s an overall summary of the night:
Every match from previous RAW/SmackDown episodes since Battleground has been repeated and exhausted beyond belief in the form of various match ups. However, we still have SmackDown to endure this Thursday, which will be putting half of the matches for SummerSlam out on display. Again. For the umpteenth time.