Monday Night Raw!
…I don’t know what’s happening anymore. On one hand, Seth’s really pissing off his parents and now the neighborhood creep and jock want his titles. Roman and Dean have been getting their asses handed to them on dirty swamp-stained oars. The Divas are all just putting each other down and screaming a bunch of stuff I don’t even understand anymore…
Anyway that’s the summary for what’s happened about the last two or so weeks. Onto tonight!
Sting holds Seth’s statue hostage.
Ha, well that’s all rather unfortunate.
Seth: Do you realize how stupid you look?!
Seth telling Sheamus how it is. Listen, if the champ tells you that you look stupid….you probably look stupid….and as he said, Sheamus looks like Ronald McDonald with a bad hair cut. Now that’s some other-wordly type of stupid.
Sheamus: OYE! Don’t bring my family into this!
Alright Sheamus, you can do no wrong for the next two months after pulling out that line.
Sasha defeats Paige!
Hey, she really did grab the hair, just as promised.
Ryback looking like he’s reading everything off of a teleprompter.
Seriously, the man looks beyond distracted. Someone could smack him upside the head and he’d still be reading word for word what he’s supposed to say.
Sting putting a ‘Sting’ mask on the Seth Rollins statue.
Makes sense. Somewhere deep down inside, Seth is a fan of Sting, we all know it. He idolizes him, goes home and puts on the face paint to match him….swings a baseball bat around in a leather trench.
Oh yeah, Seth loves Sting.
New Day trying to cheer up Seth.
Yeah that failed horribly.
The Showdown of the ages.
Or multiple showdowns. First Seth has a show down with the one and only Rated R Superstar Edge. Then of course he runs off because he looks like he’s about to cry.
Next, New Day and Edge and Christian have a showdown. Hey, it’s not a battle without a kazoo, and Big E took things to a whole other level by trying to eat Christian’s kazoo.
Mind out of the gutter, perverts.
Finally, the last showdown is between The New Day against Edge and Christian and the Dudley Boyz. You know what? Dudley Boyz aren’t musicians, but they definitely brought their A-game to the battle, leaving New Day to flee.
But, they were leaving anyways.
Everything about this reeks of awesomeness.
The Wyatt Family decimates Randy Orton.
What?! I’m a fan of the dirty swamp creatures. Especially with Braun? Man, they’re destroyers now.
Cesaro wears JBL’s hat.
Then delivers a devastating uppercut–so devastating in fact that it flies off after he lands the hit. Not a good day to be the Miz.
Charlotte spears Nikki.
Beautiful, such a beautiful damn spear. Follow that up with the figure eight–and it’s a recipe for success. See? Good things happen when you jump the popular girl with a couple of your friends.
Shoutout to the audience member that walked with the champ down the ramp.
Yeah, you’re living the dream buddy!
Xavier Woods shouting and playing trombone.
You’re absolutely right man, Big E is so strong! It’s probably why they all him ‘Big’ E! Plus, that comedic and perfect timing with the trombone?
You know this man has been practicing during his spare time, waiting for his moment to shine.
Wow, well this was not a good day to be Seth Rollins. Lost both of his matches for the evening, upset his parents, and he watched his statue get eaten by a trash truck. Yeah…the temper tantrum is understandable tonight. Maybe it’ll be better next week, on the season premiere of Monday Night Raw!
Well, I heard it’s the season premiere at least.