MTV Scream Episode 0204: It’s A Carrie Remake

Standard

Our death count is now up to two! People are returning, secrets are beginning to be uncovered. My oh my it’s quite a start to the new season, isn’t it?

Warning: Spoilers and snark ahead as per usual. Proceed at own risk, or because it’s too much effort to watch the episode.

Me thinks someone’s cousin has a crush on Emma.

By that I mean Eli definitely might have a crush on Emma. Let’s see, he applied for a job at the same coffee shop she works at. Alright, that’s normal, teenagers need jobs. But then they have a little moment, colliding into each other as they decorate for Kieran’s surprise party. The music was just right, the gaze was there.

I hope this is not a family that shares.

Tequila bunch of teenagers.

I’m not sorry about that one bit.

Ah, if only Audrey knew before hand that the tequila came from “Jake”. That’s super unfortunate. Though I guess this is like a free colon cleanse, right? I mean, it’ll get all the other alcohol out of their systems. Then they won’t be so hungover the following morning!

That’s how science works, right?

Audrey and Noah kiss!

Granted it looked like Audrey was receiving the kiss of death from her dead ex-girlfriend, turns out it was Noah.

Then Zoe joined in on the fun to kiss both of them before mashing their lips together. Oh dear, this just turned into a teenage kissing orgy very quickly.

No one believes Emma got attacked.

That’s awkward, but at least her father miraculously came to save the day! Then he admits he’s going to go away and get help for his addiction and problems.

Good, fix yo’ self!

Technically Eli believes she was attacked, but he might just be saying it to get on her good side and seem like better boyfriend material than Kieran.

Sheriff finds Stavo’s Brandon James mask.

Let me guess. Just an unhealthy obsession, right?

Noah and Zoe just isn’t happening.

What with liking Zoe but, as she coined it, also having feelings for his “gay best friend” isn’t exactly a good starting point for a relationship.

Brooke recreates Carrie.

Gets blood poured all over her: except it’s not pig’s blood, it’s her own. Plus ya know, Jake’s body was thrown into the mix making it extra chunky. That’s super awkward and traumatic. I imagine the psychologist’s office is going to have a wholesale discount.

Death Count: Eddie the Hotel Man, and Jake is still super duper dead.

Can’t wait to see about this school lockdown that happens in the next episode! That sounds safe.

MTV Scream Episode 0203: The Man in the Bathtub

Standard

I may be behind on these posts but you know who’s not behind on their job? Whoever’s killing teenagers this time around in the show! Well, I mean,  we haven’t killed the entire town yet but they’re being slow and taunting these poor kids. I can get behind that.

Warning: Spoilers ahead and general snark, as per usual. 

Audrey discover’s Jake’s body.

Well that’s gonna earn her a therapy visit as well!

 

She’s also very terrible at hiding things.

Doesn’t she realize the more aggressively she behaves towards Noah, the more suspicious she becomes? Everything she just does puts him one step closer to figuring out her involvement with Piper a year prior. Audrey seems to be terrible at keeping her cool under pressure at the moment, which makes me wonder how she did it last year.

Kieran’s an ass.

The way he behaves towards his cousin almost seems unwarranted.  He calls him crazy and brushes him off, and I can sort of get it. Now  his aunt and cousin live with him in his home after his father passed, it’s awkward and giving their reasoning, screams of freeloading. But geez man, what’s with the hostility? I’m gonna need a little more than you just saying he’s crazy.

Branson calls Brooke.

He’s incredibly good at sounding extremely creepy and being invasive. You’re blocked from every way of contacting her and you go out of your way to continue contacting her? Grown man, quit chasing after children. You creep.

Eddie got corked.

Well, that’s one tap that I don’t want to drink from.

Branson returns!

Surprisingly, Stavo makes a great pretend boyfriend to keep Branson at bay from Brooke. He stepped up when it was needed, and for that I applaud him. Not sure Brooke would really appreciate that impromptu kiss, but girl can smack him whenever he feels like.

Emma sees her drunk father beating another man at a bar.

Oh dear. Well, seems like Audrey and Emma’s mother were right in wanting to keep that man away.

Death Count: Jake and Bake is still super dead as hell, and now front desk Eddie joins him.

 

Next time, we wait to see if Zoe and Noah will perhaps get a new chance at flirting with each other. without the intervention of a very creepy teacher ruining their movie plans.

Money in the Bank: 6/19/16 (Highlights)

Standard

Tonight is the night where a new man wins the briefcase to ruin the life and soul of the current WWE World Heavyweight Champion.

I can’t wait.

Kickoff

Golden Truth vs. Breezango

Well. This is something fun. The audience gets to watch a showdown of these two groups that seem very, very into each other, following a video package of Breezango. Coincidentally, that was also a little homoerotic. Who can possibly win? The happiest of best friends of Golden Truth, or the burnt to a crisp team of Breezango that oddly enough reminds me of Zoolander ?

Winner: Golden Truth

The Dudley Boyz vs. The Lucha Dragons

This is just one of those things where WWE suddenly decided to feed the little guys to the big nasty vets. Can the Lucha Dragons possibly beat the veteran tag team with all their dizzying tricks? Who knows.

Winner: The Lucha Dragons

Money in the Bank

Enzo & Cass vs. The Vaudevillians vs. Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson vs. The New Day

Fatal 4-way for the WWE Tag Team Championship

The verbal assault is real with this match up. New Day and Enzo & Big Cass bring on the verbal smackdown ready to destroy the inner workings of their opponents. Anderson and Gallows bring on the pain, ready to obliterate everyone else.  As for the Vaudevillians? Well, they’ll look handsomely vintage, of course.

Winner: The New Day retains!

Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler

Let’s be real here. These two are going to realize they’re not so different from one another. They’ll realize they have a lot in common and form a tag team by the name of: Metal & Muscles.

Winner: Baron Corbin

Charlotte, Dana Brooke vs. Becky Lynch, Natalya

Can I be honest for a second here? Hart & Fire is a great tag team name, I dig it, I can get behind it. Now it’s just a matter of Charlotte and her protege being able to overthrow these two. I suspect a double tap-out by the end of this match, courtesy of Natalya and Becky.

Winner: Charlotte and Dana Brooke; I was super wrong on that one.

Sheamus vs. Apollo Crews

Tonight we see Sheamus once again execute not only his disdain for those built smaller than him; but for the new era people as well. Me thinks someone is feeling old and in denial of his age. Well, now it’s time for Apollo to beat the old warrior right outta WWE.

Winner: Apollo Crews

AJ Styles vs. John Cena

It’s the titans of two companies, similar to Triple H and Sting. AJ Styles carried TNA, Cena for WWE. It’s exciting, match of the year already and it hasn’t even happened yet. It’s time to see who’s the better wrestler, who’s really the man on top.

Even if he doesn’t win, I still say AJ Styles.

Winner: AJ Styles, with some help from The Club

Money in the Bank Ladder Match

Aw snap. Well, you know what you can expect from this match? Someone is definitely going to bleed. We’re going to get some great lines out of Kevin Owens and hopefully Jericho. We’ll have amazing wrestling skills and moves from everyone in the match. It’s going to be pure magic. So long as no one is injured.

Winner, and Mr. Money in the Bank: Dean Ambrose

Rusev vs. Titus O’Neil

For the United States Championship

After the previous two matches, I honestly forgot that this was happening. It’s rude, I know, but I was so caught up in all the possibilities of what will happen tonight. Now, will Rusev try to win the right way like an adult? Or will Titus be able to overcome the cheating?

Winner: Rusev retains via submission.

Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

For the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Ah man, this has been a feud two years in the making. Always derailed due to injuries from either contender, tonight is finally the night we see the beginning of their face off. Can Roman retain the belt he defeated titans to get, including Seth’s paw-paw Triple H? Or will Seth take back what he never actually lost?

Winner: Seth Rollins gets his belt back!

Bonus: Dean Ambrose cashes in his MITB contract

New WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Dean Ambrose 

 

MTV Scream Episode 0202: Dead Bodies Smell

Standard

Damn Audrey, back at it again with the death threats!

I’m so, so sorry for doing that. I’ll never use a meme parody as an introduction again. That’s a lie I’ll probably do it again next week, who knows!

Warning: Spoilers, dead bodies, lots of smart assery.

Death Count: Jake is still real dead.

Why are all these new children so creepy?

It feels like they’re just trying too hard to throw us all off and make these newcomers seem like the obvious threats. But side note, why the hell are they so creepy? They quietly appear out of nowhere, speak in vague sentences, and they show no varied range in emotion.

The sheriff’s son and Kieran’s cousin should probably get together and have their own club where you have to have a creepy disposition in order to fit in. Do their parents not tell them that they’re acting a little weird?

It’s funny to be that strange when you’re a really little kid, makes for great stories, but as a teenager?

Nope, that’s way too concerning.

Kieran’s relatives are scumbags.

Aunt Stipend is only his guardian to collect some cash: wow, solid stuff there lady. Creepy Cousin is not only creepy, and though he brings up a point that moving into Kieran’s home would be better for the two of them (based on their current conditions): free loader much?

Damn, that’s your dead uncle’s house, kid.

Side note, he must definitely have a crush or obsession with Emma, like everyone in that town does.

At least Brooke got some roses!

They were a very nice bunch, a little predictable but nice. Yet based on the way Sheriff’s boy is staring at her from the bushes (creepy), I think he may have a little crush on her (still, you’re very creepy, kid).

Emma’s father has returned!

Get out of here you deadbeat. Now you want to be here for your child? It only took one horrific accident to make you want to shape up, right?

Please, if she wasn’t nearly murdered he wouldn’t be here.

Their psych teacher is an ass.

We all know she’s recording her conversations with Emma to probably make a case study and release an entire book about it. Wow, at least be up front about your awful capitalization on her trauma.

“See how I finished the job for you Audrey?”

Alright. Well, person that knows her identity as an accomplice isn’t just someone out to spill the beans: but also a psychotic killer.

Unless, they’re not the same person, and they felt like they were simply doing Audrey a solid and gutting up loose ends.

 

Either way, everything that’s happening is one big confusing mess and I can’t wait until we figure out what the hell is going on here.

MTV Scream Episode 0201: The Good Die Really, Really Soon

Standard

It feels good to be back in the MTV Scream saddle. On one hand–I loved the first season, it was fun, delightful, and a pretty awful experience for just about every character. What’s not to love about that? This time however, it’s different. It’s season two, no holds barred, the hero of the first season can die, no one is safe! Which brings me to my next point:

You yourself may not be safe from spoilers in this post. Proceed with caution, and depending on who your favorite character is: proceed with a teddy bear and your favorite ice cream flavor.

Let us begin!

Will the parents of the two prankster children please stand up and publicly shame yourselves?

What is wrong with humans these days? First of all, those two teenagers have no right to be angry at Audrey in the slightest. To think that it’s even remotely okay to prank a survivor of an incredibly terrifying murder spree by making her relive the experience all over again: that’s the sign of two of the dumbest children I’ve ever had the experience of learning about.  That dumb boy is lucky Audrey didn’t stab him repeatedly and that he’s even alive.

The nerve of those two children is what really gets under my skin. Am I the only one that thinks they legitimately don’t have a right to be mad considering how stupid it was of them to do such a thing? If you’re that dumb, maybe you do need a little stab in the side to knock some sense into you.

I don’t get Kieran and Emma.

Kieran’s the stoic guy who doesn’t show feelings: otherwise known as looking absolutely emotionless / dead inside even though he has tons of feelings apparently.

Alright then Edward Cullen.

Emma is somewhat similar, according to Brooke. She hides her true feelings but actually shows them as opposed to having a blank look all the time.

So why don’t I get them?

I just don’t understand this couple. I don’t feel as though I can be fully invested in them as a great couple that had a real connection mostly because we barely saw any of that between them in season one. Now they’re broken up and it’s a Ross/Rachel sort of thing?

Eh…I’m not getting any of that. I just don’t buy it.

Who Got Got: Jake Fitzgerald

Poor Jake. Jake got got, hard.

His death was so drawn out as well, it was such a tease to the audience. Just when you think he’s going to save himself, get out of there, warn everyone–he dies. He dies alone, never having told Brooke to her face that he loved her.

It’s heartbreaking, and comes right at a time when he could have had his character developemtn progress even more. Rest in peace, Jake and Bake.

Speaking of Jake…

I have a theory.

At the end of season one Jake was Brooke’s hero, he actually became her knight in shining armor. We saw character development that was precious and gave us hope for the following season.

Yet now he’s the first to go.

Knowing that Audrey was an accomplice to Piper and had her hand in the crisis of a year prior–what if Jake was in on it too? He too had several chances to live last year. He could have been a part of the plan as well. Desperately in love with Brooke but unable to get her attention away from the creepy pedophile of a teacher. He gets to play the hero, the blame is put on Branson after everyone learns of how bad of a man he is, and Jake gets to leave with the girl.

So once things start getting complicated for Audrey, Jake has to be the one to go to make sure he doesn’t snitch.

…Or something like that, I do think that he was in on it to win Brooke over.

Speaking of accomplices…

Noah’s podcast is clearly a way for him to cope with previous events and to work through his troubles. He has a murder board for crying out loud, where he seems to still be piecing together the mystery and trying to figure out who the other accomplice was.

Let’s think of it this way. Noah figures out that Audrey was involved–his best friend, involved in the murders that took Riley away from him just as he was actually going places with a girl! Well, that’ll piss anyone off. So perhaps he’s torturing Audrey now, wanting her to confess, wanting just a little bit of revenge for what she had done (after all, we have seen him get revenge on Jake’s car). So he tortures her with a dash of cyber bullying in order to hurt Audrey just a little bit.

 

All in all, we had death, some new characters introduced, and the promise of really, really dumb teenagers. To be frank, I can’t wait to find out what this season holds. But more importantly–anything can happen so long as Noah is alive and well.

He’s my favorite. I’m biased.