WWE Battleground 2016 Results (7/24/16)

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Kickoff

The Usos vs. Breezango

Essentially, this match is a set of twins not of the breast variety, against a pair of Zoolander devotees.

Result: The Usos get got and Breezango wins!

Battleground

Charlotte, Dana Brooke vs. Sasha Banks, Mystery Partner

It’s finally revealed! Can Charlotte and Dana overcome Sasha and her mystery partner, now revealed to be Bayley?

Result: Charlotte and Dana Brooke get got because Charlotte tapped out to Sasha Banks. Bayley and Sasha Banks win!

The New Day vs. The Wyatt Family

It’s possible that Bray Wyatt’s hold over Xavier Woods will be what starts the downfall of the longest reigning WWE World Tag Team Champions. That would be horrifying to see the Wyatt family destroy the beacon of positivity within the WWE.

Result: The New Day gets got, The Wyatt Family wins.

Rusev vs. Zack Ryder

WWE United States Championship

I feel the need to point out that Lana’s dressed as though the wedding will happen the second the match is over. I suppose that’s fine, so long as there’s refreshments and stuff. Or tissues, in case Rusev loses.

Result: Zack Ryder gets got, Rusev retains.

Bonus: Mojo Rawley comes out to save his bro from a post-match beat down.

Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn

No matter what the outcome is, these two ex best friends are going to fight forever. Kevin got one over on him last time, but can Sami redeem himself this time around?

Result: Kevin Owens gets got, and Sami Zayn wins

Natalya vs. Becky Lynch

Time for Becky to stand up for herself against yet another friend that turned their back on her. It’s a cruel, cruel world WWE. It destroys friendships every chance it gets.

Result: Becky Lynch gets got, Natalya takes the win

Darren Young vs. The Miz

Intercontinental Championship

Darren Young may have Bob Backlund on his side, but The Miz has Maryse. She’s made him damn near unstoppable since she decided to represent her husband in WWE. Then again Darren’s got newfound confidence in the form of an old white guy that likes to shout!

Result: The Miz gets got via count out, but retains his title.

John Cena, Enzo Amore & Big Cass vs. The Club

After this The Club will be split between two brands and will have the ability to expand and draw more members. So even if they do lose, are they really the losers here?

Result: The Club gets got, John Cena, Enzo Amore & Big Cass win

Highlight Reel

Result: It was hilarious.

Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Roman Reigns

WWE World Heavyweight Championship

It’s the Shield triple threat match that’s been decades and centuries in the making. Hot off of a suspension, Roman has a fresh start to prove why he was a three time champion. Seth’s got arrogance on his side to carry him through the match, and Dean is wildly unpredictable.

Result: Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns get got, Dean Ambrose retains!

The WWE World Heavyweight Championship is now on SmackDown, and it’s the beginning of a new era!

 

 

Toxic Environment Women Face in the Professional Wrestling Fandom (part 2, final)

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Continuing on the theme of pointing out the horrific behavior of some male smarks within the WWE–today I discuss the difference between being an intellectual fan and being a whining brat. These observations mostly come from Twitter interactions with or without my inclusion, primarily during Monday Night RAW or any given PPV.

The difference lies in whether or not you’re a man or woman. If you happen to be a male and that’s blatantly obvious, then you’re simply a smark. If you complain about the show nonstop, gripe about your favorite not being at the top, proclaim that another talent is being buried, then you’re a smart fan. You must know exactly what you’re talking about and clearly have a better understanding than most of those that watch WWE today.

Funny enough, most people proudly wear a smark badge, taking pride in predicting a finish or knowing the trajectory of a wrestler.

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However if you’re a female, that’s seen completely differently. When you do any of the previously mentioned things, you’re usually whining or complaining. The reasons being that you’re upset because the one you find most attractive won’t be seen as much. Or you’re mad because you love them so much and that’s the only reason you want them to be the best there is. Not for talent, because women don’t look for that, it’s only based on their looks.

If a male says Dean Ambrose is being buried, it’s because he actually is getting buried. Yet if a woman were to say it, she’s only saying it because she wants him to be at the top all the time. Why? Because she’s apparently in love with him.

First of all, I don’t think you know what the word “buried” means, but that’s for another day.

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Male smarks rarely if ever get challenged by other males when in discussion. Their intelligence is never called to question nor insulted. Yet when a female does it there’s a constant need for proof and factual information. If possible, a link to a video or interview, and timestamp included down to the last possible second.

Then if there’s a disagreement and no resolution to be made? The female fan is often reduced to her looks, she’s called fat, ugly, or they’ll switch it up. Sometimes instead she’ll be a bitch (because she has an intelligent argument) or a whore (what?) and more often than not the harassment only continues to escalate from there. Reaching unsafe, very real threats that make women not want to talk about wrestling and make this environment feel toxic.

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Yet when two males reach a disagreement, what happens? A quick “whatever bro”, a block, maybe the conversation just ends abruptly.

Male smarks hold an elite standing in the WWE fan community. What they say is gospel, and they are all knowing as though wrestling was made only for them. Women are reduced to being labeled as those that only watch because the males are attractive. Reduced to the ones that don’t actually understand the programming or booking, because they’re women and only watch for looks.

God forbid you, a woman, makes an extremely valid point against a male smark. Their argument changes, and they try to twist and turn it around so that you’re actually the one that misunderstood from the very beginning. Their arguments change so much even Donald Trump is astounded by the sheer bullshit they can pull from behind.

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Male Wrestling Fans Telling Women What Representation They Need Is Counterproductive (Part 1)

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I probably should preface this in some sort of way to avoid backlash of a bunch of male super fans having their feelings hurt. But, ya know, you don’t need to be coddled anymore. All I will say is that this pertains to WWE in particular, and does not cross into other promotions.

There’s a difference as a male fan between being a fan of women’s wrestling and wanting to support it, versus what will later be discussed. Being excited about women’s wrestling, wanting better matches for the division, that’s great! Thank you, I want that too.

This is of course the opposite of what’s more often observed: acting like a snob and indicating what needs to be done and telling other women what sort of representation they need in the promotion. Trust us, as female fans, we know exactly what kind of representation we want and don’t need to be told what we need.

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Please don’t tell us you’re so tired of seeing  the same matches over and over again whether they came from NXT or the main roster. I’d rather take an eight minute match of Charlotte vs. Natalya that’s been on NXT before versus a two minute Bella Twins match of the past where weaves were ripped out and screams were heard before the bell rang signifying the end of the “match”.

Men telling women what they need in the division and what should represent them is the same as going to someone of a culture that is not of your own and telling them the appropriate way to represent their culture. It’s a joke, it’s laughable, it screams of pure privilege and reeks of arrogance mixed with ignorance.

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Please don’t tell me that Charlotte’s not a strong part of the division, how she’s a poor representation to begin with, or how she can’t do anything and she’s not behaving as a heel. She’s playing the role of a villain, you aren’t meant to like her.

Don’t patronize us by saying when you chant for others during her match that it’s because she’s a heel. We all know that’s not the reason why: it’s because you’re being disrespectful and feel the need to hijack the show for your own absurd smark agenda. None of us believe that, especially since you don’t exhibit the same behavior towards other heels in the company like Seth Rollins, Chris Jericho, or Kevin Owens.

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You speak over her because you don’t care: because she’s a woman, or because she’s not Sasha Banks. I would say to take your pick, but we all know that both are the reasons why.

Don’t cry for Sasha Banks during every single women’s match, then toss her to the side when you finally get her on screen. Some male wrestling fans often reflect the behavior of a spoiled child.

You finally get them the shiny new toy they’ve been crying over for weeks and after they hold it with their dirty little paws for only a moment–they toss it to the side and ask for a newer model.

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Male smarks throw their fists in the air proclaiming to the WWE “my great overlord make us care about women’s wrestling!”

Why should they make you care? Their job is to incite interest, whether or not they do that is separate from you wanting to care. You show your care by watching the match for the wrestling and entertainment aspects and giving your respect to the performer. Not by chanting over them to hijack the show, to asking for another performer because you’re not seeing the woman you want to see.

It seems that even if WWE were to follow up their women’s revolution with something amazing, male fans would still find reasons to cry or would make up their own.

If it’s not one thing, it’s another. They stick their noses in the air, look down upon these female fans and proclaim: “this division is no good to you, here is what you need”.

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Do you know what I need? I need male wrestling fans to value my opinion. I need them to hold an educated conversation with me. If they don’t agree to end it on amicable terms rather than call me a bitch or say I’m stupid, because they don’t have an educated response. I need for male wrestling fans to understand they’re not always going to be correct on a subject. I need male wrestling fans to understand they will never know true women’s representation and what that should be because more often than not, they’ve never experienced what it feels like to be a woman, much less as one in a male dominated community.

I need male wrestling fans to dig deep, pry their heads out of their asses, and understand that no matter how many hours of indy women’s wrestling you watch and proclaim you’re a feminist, your argument goes out the window the second you insult my intelligence and scoff at the match on your television screen, only because it’s not who you want.

Oh, and the next time you tell me I only watch wrestling to look at the men? I’ll be happy to remind you that sports entertainment’s foundation is practically built on the male gaze and appealing to your interest in women. After all, you’re part of the reason why more models than athletes found their way into the division for some time. Or do you not recall your famous mud wrasslin’ matches?

Stay tuned for part 2: which will continue with the male fan vs female fan dynamic in the WWE Universe.

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Panda’s Predictions: Battleground (7/24/16)

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WWE Battleground 2016 is upon us, and it is time to guess who will be the ones to get got, and who will be the ones to rise to the top and leave the match victorious. This is the first ever Panda’s Predictions (it’s a work in progress, but I’m feeling the title so far), and things are going to be interesting to predict considering the WWE Draft that just took place.

Kickoff Match:

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The Usos vs. Breezango

This was just recently added to the card as a spur of the moment match. On one side, you have a set of twins (not breasts) that know how to work perfectly with each other. However, they haven’t really faced their opponents this much and that’s where it gets interesting for them.

Breezango isn’t just a team of two very pretty men: they’re two very pretty men who have been doing quite well and clearly model themselves after the Zoolander films.

Prediction: The Usos get got and Breezango wins

Battleground 2016

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Natalya vs. Becky Lynch

This is just sad, isn’t it?! Everyone turns on Becky, and I still have no idea why Natalya’s so mad or suddenly being the bad girl…but watching them brawl is pretty cool and I can get behind it. Somehow I feel like Becky may finally overcome the bully that Natalya has become.

Prediction: Natalya gets got and Becky Lynch wins

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Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel with special guest: Randy Orton

Okay, this is supposed to hype up Randy’s SummerSlam match with Brock Lesnar. Fine, I get that. I’m just baffled that they’d still have the match considering that Brock failed his UFC drug tests both the night before and the day of. Setting a poor example for the locker room when you suspend some but not all just because the man is a cash cow and you’ve spent far too much money on him. But what do I know, right?

Prediction: Jericho says something funny.

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Rusev vs. Zack Ryder

For the United States Championship

Is anyone else rooting so hard for Zack Ryder right now? On one hand I can’t help but to feel that they want to keep Rusev as this big indestructible powerhouse. On the other hand, Zack’s the ultimate underdog right now and I want him to win! Maybe he’ll gain the win and send Rusev on a tantrum the likes of which even Kevin Owens and Seth Rollins can’t compete with…right?

Prediction: Rusev gets got and Zack Ryder is the new champion

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The Miz vs. Darren Young

For the Intercontinental Championship

In this instance I love The Miz so, so much. He’s the perfect ,arrogant A-list actor and with Maryse at his side he’s only gotten more entertaining. Then we have Darren who is also starting as the underdog in this match, much like Zack before him.A part of me wants The Miz to carry the belt and continue the hilarity, but…

Prediction: The Miz gets got, Darren Young is the new champion.

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Charlotte, Dana Brooke vs. Sasha Banks, Mystery Partner

Okay, so the mystery partner has to be Bayley. Charlotte will be astonished beyond belief, Dana will be terrified, and together Bayley and Sasha will dominate the match! Right? Please let my hopes and dreams come true, I don’t have many.

Prediction: Bayley is Sasha’s partner, Charlotte and Dana get got. Sasha and Bayley win.

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The New Day vs. The Wyatt Family

There are many levels of concern here, mainly for Xavier Woods. Bray looks like he has this creepy sort of hold developing on this poor young lad, and I don’t know if he can hold off any longer! Sure, they escaped the Compound alive–but they barely managed to do that! Could this be the beginning of a newer, stronger family?

Prediction: The New Day gets got, Wyatt Family wins.

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Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn

I think we all need to come to the conclusion that no matter what happens, they’re going to fight forever.They’ve become a dynamic duo that just can’t stop beating the life out of one another, which would be concerning if this wasn’t professional wrestling. Anyway, I don’t know what to say about this match, it could go anywhere. Hell, it could end in a DQ and we’ll never know where that can take us next.

Prediction: Kevin Owens loses his mind and gets got, Sami Zayn wins.

 

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John Cena, Enzo Amore & Big Cass, vs. The Club

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Sorry, couldn’t resist.

A win would be great for Enzo and Big Cass, right? They’re the hot new tag team on the main roster, people would love it if they won. But…people would also love it (or hate it, I can’t tell with crowds these days) if The Club got a win. Now that The Club is split into two rosters, it’s the perfect time for the team to dominate both sides.

Prediction: John Cena,Enzo Amore & Big Cass get got. The Club wins.

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Dean Ambrose vs. Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

For the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Well damn, we’re finally getting the triple threat we’ve been dying to see since The Shield disbanded. Here’s hoping that there isn’t some freak accident or something that keeps this from happening at Battleground. It would be the equivalent of the universe saying it’s just not meant to be.

We’ve got Roman, coming fresh off of a suspension that may leave him angry and ready to kill just about anyone because of Seth’s constant teasing. Seth’s arrogant and believes the title belongs to him, and Dean…well he’s the wildcard whose proven he can get through anything.

Prediction: Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns get got. Dean Ambrose retains.

That’s all for the prediction post, now we wait until Battleground on July 24th to find out who wins and who gets got.