MTV Scream Episode 0204: It’s A Carrie Remake

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Our death count is now up to two! People are returning, secrets are beginning to be uncovered. My oh my it’s quite a start to the new season, isn’t it?

Warning: Spoilers and snark ahead as per usual. Proceed at own risk, or because it’s too much effort to watch the episode.

Me thinks someone’s cousin has a crush on Emma.

By that I mean Eli definitely might have a crush on Emma. Let’s see, he applied for a job at the same coffee shop she works at. Alright, that’s normal, teenagers need jobs. But then they have a little moment, colliding into each other as they decorate for Kieran’s surprise party. The music was just right, the gaze was there.

I hope this is not a family that shares.

Tequila bunch of teenagers.

I’m not sorry about that one bit.

Ah, if only Audrey knew before hand that the tequila came from “Jake”. That’s super unfortunate. Though I guess this is like a free colon cleanse, right? I mean, it’ll get all the other alcohol out of their systems. Then they won’t be so hungover the following morning!

That’s how science works, right?

Audrey and Noah kiss!

Granted it looked like Audrey was receiving the kiss of death from her dead ex-girlfriend, turns out it was Noah.

Then Zoe joined in on the fun to kiss both of them before mashing their lips together. Oh dear, this just turned into a teenage kissing orgy very quickly.

No one believes Emma got attacked.

That’s awkward, but at least her father miraculously came to save the day! Then he admits he’s going to go away and get help for his addiction and problems.

Good, fix yo’ self!

Technically Eli believes she was attacked, but he might just be saying it to get on her good side and seem like better boyfriend material than Kieran.

Sheriff finds Stavo’s Brandon James mask.

Let me guess. Just an unhealthy obsession, right?

Noah and Zoe just isn’t happening.

What with liking Zoe but, as she coined it, also having feelings for his “gay best friend” isn’t exactly a good starting point for a relationship.

Brooke recreates Carrie.

Gets blood poured all over her: except it’s not pig’s blood, it’s her own. Plus ya know, Jake’s body was thrown into the mix making it extra chunky. That’s super awkward and traumatic. I imagine the psychologist’s office is going to have a wholesale discount.

Death Count: Eddie the Hotel Man, and Jake is still super duper dead.

Can’t wait to see about this school lockdown that happens in the next episode! That sounds safe.

MTV Scream Episode 0203: The Man in the Bathtub

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I may be behind on these posts but you know who’s not behind on their job? Whoever’s killing teenagers this time around in the show! Well, I mean,  we haven’t killed the entire town yet but they’re being slow and taunting these poor kids. I can get behind that.

Warning: Spoilers ahead and general snark, as per usual. 

Audrey discover’s Jake’s body.

Well that’s gonna earn her a therapy visit as well!

 

She’s also very terrible at hiding things.

Doesn’t she realize the more aggressively she behaves towards Noah, the more suspicious she becomes? Everything she just does puts him one step closer to figuring out her involvement with Piper a year prior. Audrey seems to be terrible at keeping her cool under pressure at the moment, which makes me wonder how she did it last year.

Kieran’s an ass.

The way he behaves towards his cousin almost seems unwarranted.  He calls him crazy and brushes him off, and I can sort of get it. Now  his aunt and cousin live with him in his home after his father passed, it’s awkward and giving their reasoning, screams of freeloading. But geez man, what’s with the hostility? I’m gonna need a little more than you just saying he’s crazy.

Branson calls Brooke.

He’s incredibly good at sounding extremely creepy and being invasive. You’re blocked from every way of contacting her and you go out of your way to continue contacting her? Grown man, quit chasing after children. You creep.

Eddie got corked.

Well, that’s one tap that I don’t want to drink from.

Branson returns!

Surprisingly, Stavo makes a great pretend boyfriend to keep Branson at bay from Brooke. He stepped up when it was needed, and for that I applaud him. Not sure Brooke would really appreciate that impromptu kiss, but girl can smack him whenever he feels like.

Emma sees her drunk father beating another man at a bar.

Oh dear. Well, seems like Audrey and Emma’s mother were right in wanting to keep that man away.

Death Count: Jake and Bake is still super dead as hell, and now front desk Eddie joins him.

 

Next time, we wait to see if Zoe and Noah will perhaps get a new chance at flirting with each other. without the intervention of a very creepy teacher ruining their movie plans.

MTV Scream Episode 0202: Dead Bodies Smell

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Damn Audrey, back at it again with the death threats!

I’m so, so sorry for doing that. I’ll never use a meme parody as an introduction again. That’s a lie I’ll probably do it again next week, who knows!

Warning: Spoilers, dead bodies, lots of smart assery.

Death Count: Jake is still real dead.

Why are all these new children so creepy?

It feels like they’re just trying too hard to throw us all off and make these newcomers seem like the obvious threats. But side note, why the hell are they so creepy? They quietly appear out of nowhere, speak in vague sentences, and they show no varied range in emotion.

The sheriff’s son and Kieran’s cousin should probably get together and have their own club where you have to have a creepy disposition in order to fit in. Do their parents not tell them that they’re acting a little weird?

It’s funny to be that strange when you’re a really little kid, makes for great stories, but as a teenager?

Nope, that’s way too concerning.

Kieran’s relatives are scumbags.

Aunt Stipend is only his guardian to collect some cash: wow, solid stuff there lady. Creepy Cousin is not only creepy, and though he brings up a point that moving into Kieran’s home would be better for the two of them (based on their current conditions): free loader much?

Damn, that’s your dead uncle’s house, kid.

Side note, he must definitely have a crush or obsession with Emma, like everyone in that town does.

At least Brooke got some roses!

They were a very nice bunch, a little predictable but nice. Yet based on the way Sheriff’s boy is staring at her from the bushes (creepy), I think he may have a little crush on her (still, you’re very creepy, kid).

Emma’s father has returned!

Get out of here you deadbeat. Now you want to be here for your child? It only took one horrific accident to make you want to shape up, right?

Please, if she wasn’t nearly murdered he wouldn’t be here.

Their psych teacher is an ass.

We all know she’s recording her conversations with Emma to probably make a case study and release an entire book about it. Wow, at least be up front about your awful capitalization on her trauma.

“See how I finished the job for you Audrey?”

Alright. Well, person that knows her identity as an accomplice isn’t just someone out to spill the beans: but also a psychotic killer.

Unless, they’re not the same person, and they felt like they were simply doing Audrey a solid and gutting up loose ends.

 

Either way, everything that’s happening is one big confusing mess and I can’t wait until we figure out what the hell is going on here.

MTV Scream Episode 0201: The Good Die Really, Really Soon

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It feels good to be back in the MTV Scream saddle. On one hand–I loved the first season, it was fun, delightful, and a pretty awful experience for just about every character. What’s not to love about that? This time however, it’s different. It’s season two, no holds barred, the hero of the first season can die, no one is safe! Which brings me to my next point:

You yourself may not be safe from spoilers in this post. Proceed with caution, and depending on who your favorite character is: proceed with a teddy bear and your favorite ice cream flavor.

Let us begin!

Will the parents of the two prankster children please stand up and publicly shame yourselves?

What is wrong with humans these days? First of all, those two teenagers have no right to be angry at Audrey in the slightest. To think that it’s even remotely okay to prank a survivor of an incredibly terrifying murder spree by making her relive the experience all over again: that’s the sign of two of the dumbest children I’ve ever had the experience of learning about.  That dumb boy is lucky Audrey didn’t stab him repeatedly and that he’s even alive.

The nerve of those two children is what really gets under my skin. Am I the only one that thinks they legitimately don’t have a right to be mad considering how stupid it was of them to do such a thing? If you’re that dumb, maybe you do need a little stab in the side to knock some sense into you.

I don’t get Kieran and Emma.

Kieran’s the stoic guy who doesn’t show feelings: otherwise known as looking absolutely emotionless / dead inside even though he has tons of feelings apparently.

Alright then Edward Cullen.

Emma is somewhat similar, according to Brooke. She hides her true feelings but actually shows them as opposed to having a blank look all the time.

So why don’t I get them?

I just don’t understand this couple. I don’t feel as though I can be fully invested in them as a great couple that had a real connection mostly because we barely saw any of that between them in season one. Now they’re broken up and it’s a Ross/Rachel sort of thing?

Eh…I’m not getting any of that. I just don’t buy it.

Who Got Got: Jake Fitzgerald

Poor Jake. Jake got got, hard.

His death was so drawn out as well, it was such a tease to the audience. Just when you think he’s going to save himself, get out of there, warn everyone–he dies. He dies alone, never having told Brooke to her face that he loved her.

It’s heartbreaking, and comes right at a time when he could have had his character developemtn progress even more. Rest in peace, Jake and Bake.

Speaking of Jake…

I have a theory.

At the end of season one Jake was Brooke’s hero, he actually became her knight in shining armor. We saw character development that was precious and gave us hope for the following season.

Yet now he’s the first to go.

Knowing that Audrey was an accomplice to Piper and had her hand in the crisis of a year prior–what if Jake was in on it too? He too had several chances to live last year. He could have been a part of the plan as well. Desperately in love with Brooke but unable to get her attention away from the creepy pedophile of a teacher. He gets to play the hero, the blame is put on Branson after everyone learns of how bad of a man he is, and Jake gets to leave with the girl.

So once things start getting complicated for Audrey, Jake has to be the one to go to make sure he doesn’t snitch.

…Or something like that, I do think that he was in on it to win Brooke over.

Speaking of accomplices…

Noah’s podcast is clearly a way for him to cope with previous events and to work through his troubles. He has a murder board for crying out loud, where he seems to still be piecing together the mystery and trying to figure out who the other accomplice was.

Let’s think of it this way. Noah figures out that Audrey was involved–his best friend, involved in the murders that took Riley away from him just as he was actually going places with a girl! Well, that’ll piss anyone off. So perhaps he’s torturing Audrey now, wanting her to confess, wanting just a little bit of revenge for what she had done (after all, we have seen him get revenge on Jake’s car). So he tortures her with a dash of cyber bullying in order to hurt Audrey just a little bit.

 

All in all, we had death, some new characters introduced, and the promise of really, really dumb teenagers. To be frank, I can’t wait to find out what this season holds. But more importantly–anything can happen so long as Noah is alive and well.

He’s my favorite. I’m biased.

The Good Bits: Bates Motel(s4ep3)

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Death Check: Emma’s mother is still pretty dead.

RIP Norman’s belt, you served your purpose.

Normero wedding.

That’s the ship name, right? Normero, as the kids say?

Either way, the Normero wedding went off without a hitch. Norma looked beyond bothered to be there, which is hilarious considering getting married was originally her idea.

Secondly, she wore black to her wedding.

All. Black. 

At that point it’s not even a wedding anymore that’s a straight up funeral. I’m assuming she was mourning her ability to sleep with everyone she wanted without being branded with a scarlet letter.

However, Romero gave her a huge ring. He was all dolled up, didn’t wear all black, he was clearly into this fake marriage far more than Norma was. Honestly, he stole the show. Someone gives this man an Emmy.

Norma fearful of ruining her third (even though it’s fake) marriage.

Aw, poor Norma. Even though they didn’t marry for love she’s afraid of destroying the marriage. Poor thing. Well, I’d be afraid of that too considering her past and the fact that one of her children is a psychopath.

Besides, maybe Romero will ruin it. After all, he’s the one with bank teller “friend” he occasionally sleeps with that seems scorned by his marriage.

Norma and Romero are both screw ups, how perfect for each other.

Norman has a new friend!

Julian seems like a wonderful influence, but he needs to be careful with that pot pie in front of Norman. Be sensitive to Norman’s feelings, my goodness!

The pit is filled!

But alas, one single earring remains. A forever haunting reminder of the murder that took place at the hands of Norman Bates.

Or as he likes to believe, at the hands of his mother.

Dylan wants to leave the weed business.

That’s nice. Doubt the money is as great but you know, whatever. Emma’s already got her new lung so I guess money doesn’t matter anymore.

Chick Hogan is back.

With a vengeance! For Caleb, of course. Yet he can’t find him, and Dylan claims he has no idea where the man went. Well, I can’t imagine that will sit well with Chick. Hmmm, it’s not like Dylan has family nearby or a girlfriend in the hospital or anything…

Norman’s at it again!

Not with the murder thing, almost but not quite. That orderly restrained him pretty well. I’m genuinely impressed his head didn’t end up shattered against the wall.

Anyway, Norman’s back at making Norma look like the monster. First he berates her when she visits him, and now he tells his doctor that she’s insane and killing people. Yeah, that’s great! Child of the year!

Geez, someone should have put him up for adoption. Kid is more trouble than he’s worth!

Normero did a thing together.

Not only did they have dinner, but the episode ends with the two sampling each other’s saliva to build immunity.

So….Romero’s going to die, isn’t he? The powers that be won’t allow this semi-happy marriage to bloom.

Another successful episode in which Norman shows how perfectly manipulative and psychotic he is. Hopefully next week we get a nice little murder or two!

The Good Bits: Bates Motel(s4ep2)

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Spoilers ahead, as per usual!

We’re only in the beginning of the season and the fecal matter has hit the fan at a high speed.

I love it.

Death Check: Yep, Emma’s mom is still dead. She dead real good.

Norman Bates is a flight risk.

Really, he is. For a kid that ran away all the time, this man has a hard time coming to terms with the fact that his mother locked him in the room. For the sole purpose of keeping him in one place! Apparently he’s forgotten that he has a history of fleeing! Honestly Norman, I expected better of you.

If I can’t expect a sociopath to be understanding, then who can I turn to!?

For someone who keeps blacking out, he’s awfully suspicious of his mother.

He’s the one that’s blacking out and having visions. As though suddenly stopping and staring at your reflection in the mirror is a normal thing. It is, if you’re in That’s So Raven, but considering the genre of this program, the network, and hell the title alone? Yeah…not so normal at all.

Although the idea of normal is rather subjective, and we all have these differing ideas because of how we were socialized growing up. For all I know you may think it’s completely normal to envision your mother murdering and disposing of bodies. Whatever floats your normal boat!

Romero has a secret money stash.

He took great  care of his stash too. Under the floorboards, a tried and true classic, but it was wrapped in plastic. No bug will be eating his hard earned and or swiped cash, that’s for sure!

Though more importantly, Romero clearly has a heart of gold. He goes behind Norma’s back to secure her son a spot in the institution AND says he’s going to marry her. Honestly, what a sweetheart!

Norman flips the tables on Norma.

It’s  so disconcerting how easily he does this. He changes it around so that Norma’s the one held hostage in the home while he leaves freely to do what he must. He’s completely transformed from the naive boy from season one, and I feel a little bad for this pitiful young man.

…Then again he’s on a killer murder spree right now so….maybe not too bad.

Dylan gets the dad speech.

Ah, classic dad speech. Want the best for your daughter and you don’t want her to be held back by the pot-selling kid with the screwed up brother. What’s so touching about this is that Emma’s father tells Dylan he’s too good to be selling pot, he doesn’t deserve a life like that. Clearly Dylan has needed to hear that, as I doubt Norma spends any time praising him.

Perhaps this will lead to him and Emma leaving town. Running away together to start their lives anew and get away from Norman before he turns around and spills their insides on the motel floor.

Stay tuned where next Monday Norma learns that when you marry someone you have to live together!

The Good Bits: Bates Motel(s4 ep1)

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Ah, another season, another bunch of dead people and mother issues. Gosh, I love the smell of death in the morning. It’s ripe, very potent, and really does of a fine job of keeping you awake. On that high note, to keep you awake at night questioning your own relationship with your mother we have a new season of Bates Motel.

Warning: Spoilers and B++ humor, proceed with caution.

Beautiful opening scene…

It’s Romero out on a boat, which is a dream many have and cannot afford. Imagine being all alone on a boat? The privacy, the scenery, it’s beautiful. Except for the fact that he’s disposing of a particular dead body, which isn’t that beautiful.

Unless you’re into that sort of thing.

The takeaway here is that this scene looks like a crossover between Jaws and Titanic. Oh, and that even surrounded by water, Romero still can’t take a second to clean the blood off of his hands. His hygienic practices are disgusting.

Norma’s so damn rude.

Honestly, her manners are atrocious. Poor Dylan is on the phone trying to have a conversation with the disgusting county hospital that found Norman, and she won’t shut up! Talking and asking questions while Dylan is doing exactly that is incredibly rude. Geez Norma, have some respect for your son!

That County Hospital sends chills down my spine.

Not because of its poor light quality either. The courteous staff at the hospital is giving me traumatic flashbacks of the administration staff at my university. Plus, I hear the hospital is underfunded and overcrowded.

Hello, story of every CUNY school ever!

Norma and Romero, not sitting in a tree doing anything wildly inappropriate you perverts.

Although, she does think he’s her own personal vigilante. However when he proves to be useless in both marrying her for insurance money and getting Norman checked out of the hospital early, she turns to her assets evolution gave her.

Breast one, breast two, and a sultry begging voice.

Unfortunately none of those things work when the doctor you’re hitting on is gay. Have no fear, all you need to do to get what you want is blast them with a retelling of part of your life story and pair that with some waterworks.

Life tips from Norma Bates, great!

Emma’s Mom has got it going on.

No she doesn’t. No one likes her. No one wants her there. It’s pitiful really. I can’t imagine why no one would want the mother that abandoned her sick daughter to be around when she’s getting a lung transplant. Man, this is heavy.

Or at least, she had it going on.

Yeah she’s dead. She’s got nothing going for her but strangulation marks on her neck and a deadly scarf. Ah, it’s really unfortunate when your daughter’s best friend kills you.

How much of a strain do you think that puts on their friendship?

To top it all off: Norman Bates hates to be trapped in a room, but loves a good pastel blue robe.

Oh, and he’s the little spoon.