SmackDown: Taking Souls & Diggin’ Holes (Highlights 11/15/16)

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The 900th episode of SmackDown live is brought to you by Mauro Ranallo, who promises that it will be L-I-T. Given that I trust this man, I’m going to assume that he’s correct and it’s going to be a great night.

Maryse wins the title!

Okay maybe she didn’t win and The Miz is actually holding it….but she won for her husband. Maryse is the MVP of SmackDown and she’s the best wife in the world for helping her husband. I look forward to her turning on him and holding the championship herself.

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Natalya be Tubthumping.

Honestly she’s a great coach, speaking such wise words of Chumbawamba wisdom to Alexa Bliss. Team SmackDown is extremely lucky.

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Nikki vs. Carmella

It is VICIOUS between the two of them. There’s so much feeling and emotion there and I’m actually interested in this story because it’s not some garbage they threw together last second for Total Divas. It’s also allowing them to be vicious and “go hard” just like the guys do when feuds are continuous like this. It’s different, and I like it.

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RAW Invades SmackDown

WHAT?! It was AWESOME. Nia Jax made a clean sweep tossing around the entire women’s SmackDown team before the ladies managed to regain control. Plus Naomi did a beautiful splash off of the top rope. Ugh, fantastic.I’d love to see more of this. These two matches/segments didn’t feel exclusively female like WWE’s been doing for years, they felt like two matches/segments that would apply to any gender.

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“Taking souls and diggin’ holes.”

God damn it, Undertaker is so cool.

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SmackDown: Highlights (10/11/16)

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Ya know, Dolph Ziggler was the first one to start the show this evening. I must say, his walk to the ring looks like a sad walk of shame. Just no happiness at all, his eyes look dead as he gazes upon the crowd that chants “you deserve it”. Eventually he livens up, but still, that walk to the ring made me think he was going to announce an injury.

The Miz and Maryse mourn the death of the IC Championship.

This is incredibly ridiculous and absurd. It’s outrageous, it’s such an extreme over exaggeration and yet: The Miz is absolutely correct. He made it relevant again, he made it something to die for. Now Dolph has tainted the prestigiousness of the belt, and I think it’s wonderful Miz and Maryse want to honor what it once was.

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What the fuck are they even wearing?

I don’t know what happened to spark this fashion change, but The Usos are just…man, they’ve really become completely different people. I mean, look at those outfits. They just…I mean…we don’t even get face paint anymore! I think we have a couple of rappers instead. Before you know it they’re going to have a mixtape and a feud with Taylor Swift.

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This is everything. From the sheer, childlike wonder and happiness of James, to referee Dean Ambrose making an appearance. Every moment of this was beyond ridiculous, a wild ride to remember of AJ placing James on a pedestal, and Dean rubbing AJ’s body down at the start of the match.

Oh, you think I’m joking?

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This freaking tweet.

I’m dead.

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Overall, SmackDown was pretty entertaining. The segment with James, Dean, and AJ really stole the show. Quite frankly I think that should have closed it out instead of more Wyatt and Orton. It seemed to steal the show more than the self proclaimed show stealer Dolph Ziggler did.

SmackDown: Highlights (9/20/16)

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Following up a pretty okay Monday Night RAW, it’s SmackDown’s turn to shine and impress the world. Luckily for them, they don’t have to prepare for a pay per view this Sunday–which could mean they might take it easy and put less effort in being entertaining.

Becky Lynch Destroys

I’m not talking about the destruction by physical means here. Her explaining how she wasn’t born a champion but fought her way to the top was gold and wonderfully inspirational. Top that off with a charming threat of ripping Alexa’s head off and you basically have a recipe for complete success; and possibly a homicide charge.

Bonus: Daniel Bryan sounded like an exhausted teacher with rowdy students the entire time.

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Rhyno & Heath Slater

I never realized that this tag team would amuse me so much, and I’m delighted by the surprise! Heath came up with the most amazing chant in favor of his man beast Rhyno–and we saw Rhyno’s love of cheese and crackers once again take center stage. It was such an incredible moment to be a part of.

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The Fight for the #ICTitle

If you didn’t watch the match I suggest going back to check it out. It’s got everything you could want, pin falls, lying, cheating, unfortunately no thefts (unless you want to get symbolic with it). Plus we get Maryse: the best valet in the business right now. Oh, and if you’re into this: mopey Dolph needing to prove himself. Not my cup of tea, but some really adore the underdog look on him.

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Those were my entertaining highlights for SmackDown. Next week we’ve got a one on one title match between AJ Styles and Dean Ambrose. Hmmm, a title change before No Mercy? Possibly!

Payback: Highlights (5/1/16)

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Holy crap, it’s May. Isn’t that insane? Feels like just yesterday it was WrestleMania and Brock Lesnar half-assed what could have been match of the year.

Ah, sweet memories.

Anywho… the buildup has been a little odd, hasn’t it? Shane has been running the program even though he lost to the Undertaker, so that’s peculiar and makes no sense, but okay! Ryback and Kalisto haven’t had much of a buildup at all, Bret Hart will be in Natalya’s corner tonight but he doesn’t want to be there. Man, is that a horrible start to May or a great start?

Kickoff Match

Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler

Bet you thought Kalisto and Ryback were going to be on the pre-show, right? Ha! Loser…

No it’s fine, me too. They changed it up on me last second and I write these things 5 minutes in advance. It’s really throwing me for a loop having to write it on the spot. Honestly, I feel frazzled. Regardless, Dolph’s kind of showing some desperation lately with his matches. He’s getting a little too anxious, losing his cool when he goes against Baron, signs of a man being fearful of loss rather than a man willing to do any and everything. Baron’s keeping his cool. As a lone wolf he doesn’t stress out–not until things go absolutely wrong at the end and he has to punish someone for his own wrongdoings. Ah, I love people.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Kalisto vs. Ryback

United States Championship

David versus Goliath part two, at least for these two. Was there ever a canon sequel for that story? If not, consider this now canon and part of the biblical universe. Why they’re fighting again, I’m not sure but perhaps there’s one viewer that actually knows this very well. Kalisto might get destroyed for real this time considering the giant sour cream and onion chip on Ryback’s shoulder. But….that little guy is feisty! Who knows what insane, death defying stunt he’ll pull.Plus, Ryback’s on the pre-show again. Maybe the rage will give him extra strength.

Winner:  Kalisto retains the championship, and surprisingly has good in-ring chemistry with Ryback.

Payback

Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs. The Vaudevillains

#1 Contendership for the WWE Tag Team Titles

This is….this is absolutely magical. Smacktalker Skywalker and his own personal Chewbacca are going to take on the carnival rejects from that one, really, really grumpy town out in the middle of nowhere. This surely would have been a great match.

Unfortunately, Enzo hit the mad incredibly hard while attempting to slide out of the ring, and the match ended. As of this writing, Enzo has been diagnosed with a concussion and other tests have come out negative. Here’s hoping to a speedy and healthy recovery.

 Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn

Best friends turned bitter rivals. Ah, I love the smell of two former friends beating the crap out of each other. It smells like personal, vengeance, and probably a bit of blood. Kevin Owens plays the perpetual victim, and everyone’s cheering for our precious Sami Zayn to knock some sense into him.

Winner: Kevin Owens kicks Sami Zayn into a new galaxy

The Miz vs. Cesaro

Intercontinental Championship

The Miz has really stepped his game in recent weeks, but you know what they say. Behind every man is a great, wonderful, powerful woman that’s really the one to make sure you get what you deserve and or want. Can Cesaro, the man that’s probably going to be cast for a WWE style Transporter knock off movie, take the belt from him? Well, one can certainly hope so!

Winner: The Miz retains both the title and a great relationship with his wife.

Dean Ambrose vs. Chris Jericho

Do it for the potted plant, Ambrose.

It’s about time Ambrose got some revenge on Chris Jericho for screwing up his match with Roman against the Wyatt Family all those eons ago. C’mon, baby, it’s only right! Someone has to stop Jericho and his mad streak of terrorizing superstars. He’s already wearing scarves to highlight his madness, how far is Jericho going to go?!

Winner: Dean Ambrose! Now Jericho can sit in the corner shedding tears of blood.

Natalya vs. Charlotte

WWE Women’s Championship

Well this will be fun. Ric Flair is under investigation for possibly being drunk at an airport, and Bret Hart really doesn’t want to be there. So, the two men that aren’t even in the match are clearly having the time of their lives. As for the women, well, Charlotte’s been reigning supreme for quite some time. Yet this time around, perhaps it’s time for the real Queen Natalya’s reign to begin.

Winner: Charlotte retains after WWE recreates the Montreal Screwjob. Its successor will now be called the Chicago Screwjob.

#RAWDecision

You know who doesn’t care? The live audience in the arena. Then again, they don’t care about anything, they like hijacking the show.

The takeaway here is that Shane and Stephanie are both in charge of RAW.

Okay maybe another important takeaway here is that Vince said he wants blood to be shed. Okay, where’s his father of the year award? Time for Titus to pass it down to Vince.

Roman Reigns vs. AJ Styles

WWE World Heavyweight Championship.

On this day in WWE history, smarks cried at the possibility of Roman Reigns beating AJ Styles. Why? No one knows. There’s one theory out there about wrestling fans becoming hipsters that go out of their way to detest home-grown wrestlers….but that individual harbors too much common sense to deal with said people. Said people don’t realize that even booing him still help. Any reaction is better than no reaction, that’s for sure.

As for AJ, the fans are going to be behind him for the most part. However, they may be so focused on hating Roman that they’ll forget to chant for AJ. Let’s not forget Anderson, Gallows, and the Usos who have clearly taken sides in this showdown. Will Styles’ old buddies return to help him, or are they secretly plotting against him?

Winner: AJ Styles wins by count out, BUT Roman Reigns retains the title.

Bonus Surprise: Shane McMahon has some words to say. Match restarts with no count outs.

Winner again: AJ Styles, because apparently a low-blow happened….but Reigns is still champion!

Bonus Surprise 2: Stephanie McMahon now has some words. The match restarts, no count out and now no disqualifications. Oh dear, that one upsmanship will get these two killed.

Winner for the 3rd time: Roman Reigns retains his championship.

My what a night full of incredible matches. All that’s left is the fallout to be encountered on RAW. The rematches that will take place, the set ups for Extreme Rules, and how Stephanie and Shane can possibly run the show together.