Seeing Monday Night Raw: LIVE! (3/20/17)

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Yes that’s right, I in fact saw Monday Night Raw, live, at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York on March 20, 2017.

So let’s get down to it: what was it like?

First of all: it’s kind of amazing. When you finally get through security and spend twenty to thirty minutes looking for your seat because every single usher tells you to go to the next staircase: you finally land in your section. I myself had floor seats, section f5. Just about ten or eleven rows back from the barricade, a little before the WrestleMania sign.

The seats were okay. To be frank it was hard to see any of the action over anyone’s heads. To top it all off, the screen showing the fight was blocked by the lights and was basically far too vertical to watch comfortably. In addition to that people decided they were going to stand on their stupid chairs to get the perfect picture. Yes, thank you assholes who needed to do that; because everyone behind you is clearly seven feet tall and can see over you.

And you can’t teach that. Sorry. Moving on!

It felt like a mediocre episode of RAW. I anticipated crazy twists and turns because it’s two weeks to WrestleMania but I didn’t get any of that. I was also hoping I’d see Seth Rollins (even though people swore he was in the crowd at one point before retreating). However, I got to see my queen Stephanie McMahon live; as well as Triple H, Mick Foley, The Undertaker, and Chris Jericho. The Undertaker’s great, but there’s just something about seeing Chris Jericho live that really feels magical and makes me think “holy shit, am I really here”?

By the way, I mostly went because I really, really wanted to see Cesaro (he’s my favorite wrestler if you somehow haven’t gotten that) and his match ended far too quick for my liking. So…very disappointed.

Let’s talk about the chants.

Yes, there was a scandal recently, and of course Brooklyn had to start their charm. Before the show even began they shouted “We want Paige!” to the tune of “New Day Rocks”. Every single time she or Xavier Woods was on the screen they screamed. They also requested the presence of Brad Maddox, and typically CM Punk. Which still, to this day, is extremely pathetic and makes no sense.

CM Punk is not coming back, and if he is it’s going to be a Bret Hart situation twenty or so years from now where it’s just for a paycheck. Then he’ll probably critique a really great young talent horribly.

Then the sections began to fight. Above me the sides were chanting “That side sucks” at each other. My section retorted with “We got floor seats!”, which prompted them to say “floor seats suck!” in return.

It was super juvenile. During a match no less. Great, but yeah, go women’s wrestling right?

Also the children are probably the worst little smarks I’ve ever seen. Yes, I frequently come in contact with smarks that make me sigh heavily and ever regret joining social media platforms and dabbling into the wrestling fandom but I digress. The child behind me was saying just about every single match sucked, said Roman Reigns couldn’t wrestle (really kid?), and other shitty things I typically see adults say on twitter like Nia being fat or Alicia Fox having a busted face. Way to go, preteen. Already an asshole.

Oh, and on an unrelated note: A Bayley fan sat in front of me. Adorable little girl, really sobbed to hell when Bayley lost.

I laughed, I know it’s cruel but….yeah I cackled.

Something I thought was VERY interesting was the reception to Roman. It was very John Cena like, half the arena loved him, half hated him. At some points, the crowd unanimously booed. However, when Roman geared up for that spear and went for his classic “ooaahhh”, every single person belted it out with him in unison; something I frequently confused with boos while watching at home.

So you can’t ever say that Roman doesn’t connect with the fans.

I also didn’t have an experience with persistent males trying to strike up a conversation with me or ask for my number, unlike the last time I went to a WWE show. I’m not sure if it was because I went with a male, or because my exhausted face screamed “look at me and I will ruin your life”; but it was great.

The show was okay, the atmosphere felt like the stupid part of Twitter coming to life…but, it was nice. I just really need to see SmackDown live or stick to house shows.

 

The Raw Bits: (Highlights 11/14/16)

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Right off the bat RAW started out by giving me extreme secondhand embarrassment. The moment Mick started dancing and partaking in his best imitation of Enzo Amore, I just…I felt like an embarrassed grandkid. Kudos to you Mick ,but um, I’ll be here hiding in mild embarrassment. Then it got worse when Stephanie McMahon unveiled her soccer mom inner self….gosh. Too much to handle.

Damn it, wrestling is so stupid and ridiculous, I love it so much.

Roman’s a great partner.

Sure, Kevin Owens wouldn’t help during the match; and yeah, he tagged himself in just as Roman was finally about to execute his finisher and take the win for them. However, even though Kevin was the legal man Roman did the right thing. He knocked out their opponent and dragged Kevin’s body on top of Sheamus in order to secure the win. Honestly, that’s a great, and considerate teammate being so selfless and supportive.

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The New Day is ready for cuffing season.

They show their readiness with a stunning interpretation of cuffing season, using a New Day sock and unicorn horn. They didn’t even remember to wrap the horn first, sigh. So irresponsible.

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Closing Segment RAW Vs. SmackDown

From Kevin cupping Chris Jericho’s sugar tit, to AJ Styles and his soccer mom hair making it on the List, all the way to James Ellsworth being dubbed Chince McMahon. I just….this entire segment was complete gold and too hilarious for words. Raw vs. SmackDown was perfect and I can’t wait for this match at Survivor Series.

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Stephanie McMahon loves Mortal Kombat

“Finish him!”–Such orders sound so fitting coming from Stephanie.

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The Raw Bits: (Highlights 10/31/16)

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Happy Halloween! To scare the fecal matter out of you, the show started off immediately with Goldberg’s entrance. So yes, if you are not paying any attention as you have just turned on your television, you may want to hover above a toilet or at least sit on a towel.

Rusev is confused.

Rusev is mixing porn with reality, and it’s mildly concerning. All he can talk about is Goldberg’s jackhammer and his spear, and really…..I mean, come on Rusev. If you want to experience it so bad, just take the man out to dinner. A steak, some wine, maybe split a dessert. You guys could have a great time.

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Ezno & Big Cass’ costumes are everything.

Ya got Enzo Lightyear and his buddy Big Woody (giggity) ready to take on Luke Gallows for this trick or street fight. Enzo is going to hit him to infinity and beyond, and Big Woody will watch with delight while he deals with the snake in his boot. Is that a euphemism for penis? I don’t know in this context, WWE has been awfully sexual these days….but either way it works.

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“You should be down on your knees thanking us.” –Chris Jericho 2016

In which Jericho wants Mick Foley on his knees in front of him, probably saying “Thank you Sir, may I have another?”. Alright WWE just say you’re sponsored by PornHub at this point.

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That sass off between Roman and Jericho.

If only they still had “stupid idiot” costumes. Roman could finally fulfill Jericho’s fantasy of being inside of him.

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Well that wraps it up for Monday Night Raw highlights by moi! I’d put more, but, I work with children and three hours is far too long for a program. Good grief. The night ended with a teaser of a Shield reunion with Seth making the save for Roman Reigns. Basically, fangirl and fanboy hearts and genitals everywhere exploded at the sight.

 

The Raw Bits: Grandpa Mick’s Warnings (Highlights 10/24/16)

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RAW starts out with us learning that someone has stolen the List of Jericho. Someone had the audacity to steal his most prized possession, hell…this seems like it’s borderline kidnapping. Something tells me the list might meet an untimely end like Dean’s old friend Mitch the plant.

Seth Rollins, god complex.

He has a god complex, right? I mean, he says he’s going to make sure Kevin Owens won’t be fit enough to walk around with the title ‘The Man’. I mean, this guy really, truly believes he’s all that, a bag of chips, and a tall glass of Dr. Pepper. Sigh, this is what happens when the Authority just feeds into his ego and treats him like the spoiled brat he is…

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Shame on Sheamus!

Finally, someone (The New Day) is finally shaming Sheamus! Thank goodness, that man is a mess, a former shell of himself. Quite frankly, he’s just a giant bully with an awful hairdo. The man needs to be shamed for a little while, humble the guy, let him get his shit together. I will never respect the hawk.

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Mick Foley still has unresolved feelings about the Cell.

I think he has a few souvenirs from HIAC, maybe that’s why. This segment takes me back to his little chat with Seth and Dean-warning them that the match changes who you are. You might come out a shell of your former self. Hell, you may leave with less limbs than you entered with.

However, Charlotte really stole the show coming into her own as the evil Queen. She brought the fire in the match between her and Sasha. Bringing up her tendency to get injured easily? Oh dear, she’s going to make this match a brutal one.

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RAW was okay, I mean, it was missing a very crucial part. It should have had Mick talking to the male competitors for HIAC this coming Sunday. He spoke to Sasha and Charlotte, so he should’ve extended his warnings! A nice locker room talk, where he’s wrapped the superstars in warm blankets and makes them hot cocoa in order to soothe their worries during the explanation of the soon to be devastating ordeal. I just feel like that really would have sold the idea of how scary and life changing HIAC is.

 

 

Mother Abandons Her Son: The Seth Rollins Story

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Seth Rollins is commonly known as the man, yet to the Authority he was known as the Golden Boy. He was the one that would lead them to greatness, as WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Seth was a force to be reckoned with. As a matter of fact, Seth was a petulant child, and a spoiled rotten brat who had it all.

Seth had the pride of his father. Sure, Triple H didn’t publicly voice how proud he was of Seth all the time. He didn’t make a big show of things whenever he had the chance, and he certainly didn’t try to show how proud he was through constant hugs or praises. Triple H was typically the stereotypical father figure, a man who oozed stoic, silent pride for their son. Where Seth really had the connection was with his mother, the queen herself, Stephanie McMahon.

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Stephanie often sang Seth’s praises, and they always seemed to have the closest bond. Even during the brand split, she was his first pick—not once showing a hint of leaving her child on a church doorstep in favor of someone better. 

We all expected this turn to happen. Triple H always chose a new son to claim as his own, from Randy Orton, to Seth Rollins, now down to Kevin Owens. What few expected, and many (including Seth) were dreading, was the mother’s abandonment of her child. Stephanie gave up on Seth, something he never expected in all his time in being with The Authority.

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He was clearly reeling with this loss. He noted that he was the best she ever had. Whether that’s his ego speaking or the cold hard truth the fact of the matter is this: he’s upset. Seth Rollins had it all, and lost it faster than he could blink.

Now all Seth can experience is the feeling of being alone. He abandoned his former brothers, his adoptive brother Randy turned on him as well. The hobbits of J&J Security, Uncle Kane, weird ,creepy not-actually-his-uncle-but-kind-of-his-uncle Big Show—everyone abandoned him. Seth had to deal with the feeling of being completely and utterly alone.

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He has to face the world by himself, but can he do it?! He’s had someone to fall back on his entire career. Seth’s always been in a group, somehow, somewhere, someone always had his back. He has to prove himself worthy of being called “The Man” and being able to do everything on his own—even if he doesn’t necessarily have to. There’s always an option for help, and sometimes you find friends where you least expect it.

For example, Seth could possibly have the help of good ol’ Uncle Mick. Sure, they got off to a rocky start. Seth clearly has an awful attitude problem and has never had disciplinary action taken against him.  Regardless of that, if Mick can get through Seth, get through the feelings of the child that’s been abandoned and lost people close to him so many times before:then there can be hope for him. Alone in the world, it’s up to Seth Rollins to mend his life, build new bridges, and give his parents the ultimate middle finger.

The Raw Bits: Highlights (9/19/16)

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Monday Night Raw, after a scandalous finish last week which included good ol’ Uncle Mick having absolutely none of his spoiled nephew Seth Rollins’ shit. What on earth can happen next?!

The Battle Takes to the Announce Table!

Ah, Seth Rollins versus was a pretty good match! It got even better when the fight ended in a double count out and the brawl hit the top of the ramp. Then who could forget, Seth Rollins taking to the announce table as a makeshift jumping pad? It was a great moment for Seth. I’m sure Rusev will be just fine after he eventually wakes up. He can take a nice hot bath and watch Lana’s new movie she co-starred in with Edge, a handsome Canadian man, who is not Rusev. Eh, it’s fine, not like he has jealousy issues!

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Mother vs. Son

It was vicious, it was brutal, their threats went straight for the jugular. Seth turned his back on his mother Stephanie, having the nerve to threaten her in her own office. unfortunately for him his mother was having none of it. Stephanie’s retort which claimed that his father (Triple H, obviously) left him and abandoned him for a better son, looked like it destroyed Seth.

The family is officially broken, and Seth has transitioned from angsty teenager, to bitter young adult seeking revenge. In the words of Stephanie:

“Do I think Kevin Owens has REPLACED Seth Rollins as the man? Yes. I. Do.”

Fucking. Brutal.

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IT versus Uncle Mick

Jericho is honestly best friend goals. He jumps to Kevin Owens’ defense to save him from the evil clutches and vindictive behavior that they associated with the great Mick Foley. It’s so incredibly admirable. Yet in his defense, this turned into a battle of cheap pops and fashion do’s and don’ts.

In short, Jericho is very trendy in Luxembourg and Mick steals catch phrases! csws9ruvmae6k2j

Seth Freaking Ninja Rollins

Boy…you’ve got 9 lives, and you just used one to save Roman Reigns. Go sit in the corner and think about what you did for everyone who still misses The Shield.

 

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Overall: Raw was pretty good. Didn’t feel too special going into Clash of Champions this Sunday, but we’ll see what happens at the PPV!

Brass Ring Bullshit

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Remember when Vince McMahon was on the Stone Cold Podcast? Well in summary, he slammed most of his entire roster, save for his knight in shining armor John Cena who can do no wrong. Honorable mentions included Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, and Seth Rollins, men he coined as reaching for that brass ring. As though they’re the only superstars that are trying at the moment.

This post is in no way an attempt to disrespect the work of these four men. Though I will admit, I shamelessly indulge in Super Cena remarks when an overdone concept is put out yet again. Come on, anything involving Cena is formulaic at this point. Plus who am I to ignore Rollins’ childish tantrums in the ring? It’s just too easy.

No, this is pointing out one of Mick Foley’s recent Facebook posts, “Push Cesaro”.

This post goes out to the man that Vince publicly deemed of simply not connecting with the Universe, for lack of charisma or for the fact that he’s Swiss.

Uh…?

That’s wrong.

Have they seen anything he’s done in Chikara, for example? How the crowd sings his theme song? What about the first ever steel cage match with Brodie Lee who for some astounding reason looks incredibly familiar and I just can’t quite put my finger on it…

Do you want proof of his work within WWE aside from these last few months? Okay then, what about his matches with William Regal, Adrian Neville, Sami Zayn all in NXT? Pretty sure fans enjoyed what he was doing.

Am I a fan of Cesaro? Yes, who isn’t? This isn’t a post to glorify him just because I like him, but because what Vince has said is wrong.The man has quite clearly connected with the Universe (even if he does proclaim he delivers rather than connects). You know a man has connected when people take the initiative upon themselves to praise him when WWE does not. The Cesaro Section is a perfect example of that. A phenomenon taking arenas by storm.

Yet this resembles another man that managed to connect on his own–and several men before him. The most recent example coming before Cesaro would be Damien Sandow. The Universe praised him for his comedic stylings when paired with the Miz. They were devastated when he lost at WrestleMania to Big Show.

Yet when he came out on his own? Renouncing Mizdow and just being himself? It was pure Sandow magic. It was what the Universe wanted, and they cheered for it every step of the way. Yet what happens? Once again, the man is booked as an impersonator. Not that he’s bad at doing so, he isn’t in the slightest….it just went back to what people didn’t want to see of him and now the only time we see Sandow is on the back of a milk carton.

Cesaro is on his way to becoming a classic example of that. He was on fire on RAW and SmackDown with the matches he was in against John Cena, against Kevin Owens, paired with Randy Orton, Dean Ambrose, and Roman Reigns. Cesaro had managed to regain that momentum once again all on his own by doing exactly what he does best–delivering. Yet it seems that now after he’s more than delivered, more than connected with the universe, that proverbial ‘brass ring’ is being yanked right out of his hands.

As far as we see, Cesaro isn’t the one that’s hindering his abilities to deliver nor connect with the Universe. It’s the lack of adequate booking. Why, after the man has been on an absolute glorious rampage of fantastic matches would you have him lose to Big Show over and over again? Didn’t he beat him at WrestleMania in the inaugural Andre the Giant Battle Royal? Yet one knock out punch and he’s down for the count…

Huh. I didn’t realize Big Show suddenly required more attention than Cesaro. I’m glad they decided to do it now while Cesaro has momentum, and not the other months where Big Show’s presence has been there simply because they didn’t know where to put him. Maybe those ‘please retire’ chants FINALLY got to them.

Or what about that time they had Cesaro act as a simple placeholder in his match with Rusev while Dolph Ziglger and Summer Rae exchange pleasantries. Why would anyone do that? How can we go from a man putting on show-stealing matches with John Cena–to being completely ignored while the camera is focused on ringside.

I just don’t get it.

Well wait a minute, maybe…I just…you know? There may be something I do understand.

The ‘Brass Ring’ is brass-bullshit

Was that bad? Yeah it wasn’t one of my finest lines I’ll give ya that.

There’s no brass ring club, there’s no ‘do your best and reach for the stars and it’ll come to you’. It seems at this point it’s a man that’s lost in the past and is desperately clinging to that. It makes sense, doesn’t it? John Cena’s still the top dog and isn’t moving from that spot so long as he’s alive. Steve Austin is on the cover of WWE2K16 rather than anyone on the current roster. Daniel Bryan’s even publicly pointed out that there’s a reliance on old talent and the mentality is still that they’re better than the current talent. That shouldn’t be the case at all, if you’re trying to build a successful brand.

To maintain success in a changing era, you have to grow with your viewers, change your ideals. That means leaving the attitude era behind and focusing on what’s in front of you.

In short: Cesaro’s getting screwed out of super stardom because of backwards thinking and a refusal to leave the past behind. He’s not the only superstar for this to happen to, and he probably won’t be the last one either. Why he couldn’t have continued his feud with Kevin Owens is beyond me, as it was entertaining and those two put on great matches.

But what do I know right? I’m just some loser sitting behind a keyboard who pays to watch these programs and buy shirts that support these professional wrestlers….even if it’s from places like What a Maneuver, because WWE claims that these stars can’t connect with the crowd and no one supports them yet they don’t even make shirts for people to support them.

As for Cesaro, the man should finally get the push he’s long-deserved because every time he steps into the ring he delivers. I respect that he always puts on an amazing match even when it seems no one in charge believes he does.

FACT!