SmackDown: Taking Souls & Diggin’ Holes (Highlights 11/15/16)

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The 900th episode of SmackDown live is brought to you by Mauro Ranallo, who promises that it will be L-I-T. Given that I trust this man, I’m going to assume that he’s correct and it’s going to be a great night.

Maryse wins the title!

Okay maybe she didn’t win and The Miz is actually holding it….but she won for her husband. Maryse is the MVP of SmackDown and she’s the best wife in the world for helping her husband. I look forward to her turning on him and holding the championship herself.

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Natalya be Tubthumping.

Honestly she’s a great coach, speaking such wise words of Chumbawamba wisdom to Alexa Bliss. Team SmackDown is extremely lucky.

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Nikki vs. Carmella

It is VICIOUS between the two of them. There’s so much feeling and emotion there and I’m actually interested in this story because it’s not some garbage they threw together last second for Total Divas. It’s also allowing them to be vicious and “go hard” just like the guys do when feuds are continuous like this. It’s different, and I like it.

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RAW Invades SmackDown

WHAT?! It was AWESOME. Nia Jax made a clean sweep tossing around the entire women’s SmackDown team before the ladies managed to regain control. Plus Naomi did a beautiful splash off of the top rope. Ugh, fantastic.I’d love to see more of this. These two matches/segments didn’t feel exclusively female like WWE’s been doing for years, they felt like two matches/segments that would apply to any gender.

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“Taking souls and diggin’ holes.”

God damn it, Undertaker is so cool.

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SmackDown: Fearless Lock (Highlights 10/25/16)

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I’ll be honest with you here, SmackDown started and I wasn’t entirely ready  for it. All I heard was Dean going on about something with a search warrant, then Ellsworth came in  with several shades of grateful and gosh darn precious. It seems that while Dean loved being ringside and offering a distraction during James’ matches, he doesn’t want Mr. No Chin to be there for his and end up doing the same.

The Fuck, Randall?

I have no idea why Randy RKO’ed Kane, his supposed tag team partner. I have a feeling he might be a little bit mad about Kane kidnapping his father all those years ago. Seriously man, get over it already.

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To be frank, I was very bored with this episode of SmackDown. It wasn’t holding my interest for very long, then again, I work with kids and I’m pretty god damn exhausted by the time SmackDown airs. I will give credit where credit is deserved: 1) Nikki Bella’s new submission finisher (Fearless Lock) looks pretty god damn awesome. Number 2) James Ellsworth has incredible facial expressions.

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WWE SmackDown: Backlash 2016

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Backlash: SmackDown Brand (9/11/16)

Today we watch the very first SmackDown exclusive pay-per-view, Backlash. Tonight is the first chance for a brand exclusive PPV to shine. Will SmackDown impress viewers, fans and skeptics alike? Or will it lose in the battle of going toe to toe with the Raw brand?

Kickoff

Apollo Crews vs. Baron Corbin

Everyone wants to be the new face that runs the place! According to Baron, Apollo’s get a spelling bee to focus on and shouldn’t even bother being on SmackDown because he’s a nobody. Apollo isn’t sweating it at all, he knows he can spell and can shine.

Winner: Apollo Crews gets got, Baron Corbin wins!

Backlash

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Becky Lynch vs. Natalya vs. Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Nikki Bella vs. Carmella

Six pack elimination match for the WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship

It’s time to choose the first ever SmackDown brand Women’s champion. There’s plenty of worthy contenders here, all vying for the opportunity to be the female face that runs the place.

Winner: Becky Lynch is the first SmackDown Women’s Champion

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The Usos vs. The Hype Bros

Winners face Heath Slater and Rhyno for the Tag Team Championships.

The Usos get a chance to fight for the tag titles due to American Alpha being out of commission, how unfortunate for them! Now it’s time for The Usos to make the most out of the second opportunity….but, the Hype Bros might be too much to handle.

Winners: Hype Bros get got, The Usos win!

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The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

For the InterContinental Championship

The Miz has a chance to prove himself against Dolph Ziggler, a man who constantly feels the need to prove himself and like he’s never done enough. Really, Dolph’s stuck in his own head with what everyone says about him, whereas Miz seems to be fully confident and aware of his abilities.

Winner: The Miz retains, and Dolph Ziggler gets got

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Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Unfortunately for the WWE Universe, Randy Orton was deemed unable to compete due to injury because Bray Wyatt had jumped him. in reality, the utterly careless Brock Lesnar is the reason for Randy not being cleared to compete. I say we put Brock on an island by himself away from humanity.

Winner: Bray Wyatt, via disqualification.

Don’t worry, we have a great substitute.

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Bray Wyatt vs. Kane

No disqualification

Well, it’s different than assuming a member of the Wyatt family would emerge from the swamp and destroy him. However, I’ll gladly take this nice little surprise!

Example Surprise: Randy Orton entering the ring to hit Bray with an RKO.

Winner: Bray Wyatt gets got with a quick trip to ViperVille. Kane wins!

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The Usos vs. Rhyno , Heath Slater

SmackDown Tag Team Championships

The Usos have taken full advantage of their second chance, and only have Rhyno and Heath Slater in their way. However, Heath desperately needs that above ground pool for his family. With all fifty of his kids watching, hopefully he can pull out the win.

Winners: The Usos get got. Rhyno and Heath Slater are the inaugural SmackDown Tag Team Champions. Now Heath can get that damn pool.

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Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles

For the WWE World Championship

This has been quite the heartbreaking feud if either of them plan on having any, or more children. Testicles have been crushed, we’ve learned that AJ doesn’t believe in participation trophies and likes to take tokens from his victims as a reminder of his victories. Serial killer-ish? Yes, which is surprising considering he’s not the man often referred to as the lunatic fringe. Now it’s time for Dean to prove himself against the face that runs the place.

Winner: Dean Ambrose gets got with a low blow, AJ Styles is the new champion!

Something tells me Dean might lose his damn mind on Tuesday, live on SmackDown!

 

 

Toxic Environment Women Face in the Professional Wrestling Fandom (part 2, final)

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Continuing on the theme of pointing out the horrific behavior of some male smarks within the WWE–today I discuss the difference between being an intellectual fan and being a whining brat. These observations mostly come from Twitter interactions with or without my inclusion, primarily during Monday Night RAW or any given PPV.

The difference lies in whether or not you’re a man or woman. If you happen to be a male and that’s blatantly obvious, then you’re simply a smark. If you complain about the show nonstop, gripe about your favorite not being at the top, proclaim that another talent is being buried, then you’re a smart fan. You must know exactly what you’re talking about and clearly have a better understanding than most of those that watch WWE today.

Funny enough, most people proudly wear a smark badge, taking pride in predicting a finish or knowing the trajectory of a wrestler.

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However if you’re a female, that’s seen completely differently. When you do any of the previously mentioned things, you’re usually whining or complaining. The reasons being that you’re upset because the one you find most attractive won’t be seen as much. Or you’re mad because you love them so much and that’s the only reason you want them to be the best there is. Not for talent, because women don’t look for that, it’s only based on their looks.

If a male says Dean Ambrose is being buried, it’s because he actually is getting buried. Yet if a woman were to say it, she’s only saying it because she wants him to be at the top all the time. Why? Because she’s apparently in love with him.

First of all, I don’t think you know what the word “buried” means, but that’s for another day.

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Male smarks rarely if ever get challenged by other males when in discussion. Their intelligence is never called to question nor insulted. Yet when a female does it there’s a constant need for proof and factual information. If possible, a link to a video or interview, and timestamp included down to the last possible second.

Then if there’s a disagreement and no resolution to be made? The female fan is often reduced to her looks, she’s called fat, ugly, or they’ll switch it up. Sometimes instead she’ll be a bitch (because she has an intelligent argument) or a whore (what?) and more often than not the harassment only continues to escalate from there. Reaching unsafe, very real threats that make women not want to talk about wrestling and make this environment feel toxic.

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Yet when two males reach a disagreement, what happens? A quick “whatever bro”, a block, maybe the conversation just ends abruptly.

Male smarks hold an elite standing in the WWE fan community. What they say is gospel, and they are all knowing as though wrestling was made only for them. Women are reduced to being labeled as those that only watch because the males are attractive. Reduced to the ones that don’t actually understand the programming or booking, because they’re women and only watch for looks.

God forbid you, a woman, makes an extremely valid point against a male smark. Their argument changes, and they try to twist and turn it around so that you’re actually the one that misunderstood from the very beginning. Their arguments change so much even Donald Trump is astounded by the sheer bullshit they can pull from behind.

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The IWC: Too Much Power…

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The IWC (Internet Wrestling Community) is quite good at starting movements. From the rise of Daniel Bryan to the Diva’s Revolution. However, do these movements actually work? Does the IWC have too much power? Shall their power be used for good, or for pure unadulterated evil?

Originally posted on Smark N Mark. To read the full article, please click here.

How Tumblr Killed Wrestling

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Ah Tumblr, sacred Tumblr….sacred to hell, at least.

It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that Tumblr’s a dangerous place to be. There’s porn, bronies that destroy a children’s cartoon, random photography blogs #aesthetic, people who are far too PC (politically correct) to be allowed to interact with people as they are incredibly hostile and half of the time incorrect–and then you have the fandoms.

Fandoms are scary.

Fandoms should be a wonderful place for people of shared interests to congregate. To share their artwork, their stories, their opinions. Yet in every fandom there’s a small, volatile cluster…

It seems as though Tumblr has utterly bent the wrestling fandom over and shoved a kendo stick wrapped in barbed wire right up the ass. Tumblr and wrestling don’t go well together. In fact, I like to believe that Tumblr killed the wrestling fandom.

Well that’s unfair to say. Tumblr didn’t kill the wrestling fandom, the people within the fandom have ruined it.

For example, there’s no such thing as sharing an opinion or having a favorite. Is Nikki Bella your favorite? Well then ,prepare to go to war with Paige fans who will probably tell you to kill yourself at some point because how dare you not bow down to the “queen”? Hmm? Not saying that some Nikki Bella fans are perfect either. They have their share of hardcore methods of defense that should surely have some people pressing charges against them.

Oh, ya like Dean Ambrose do yah? Well then you better love Renee Young or else the death threats you’ll receive will make you shed tears at a rate you never knew you had. Oh, and Dean must be included in every single pay-per-view otherwise he’s getting buried! Before you know it he’ll get the Daniel Bryan treatment. Forever the Underdog to the universe (even when he isn’t)–everyone else is shunned for the glory of Ambrose.

No, that is not a good thing.

This fandom spouts hate and nonsense about anyone who isn’t their favorite. If their favorite isn’t in the title picture then they’re getting “jobbed” and clearly aren’t getting the proper treatment. Half the times, people don’t even understand what’s going on. Do they really understand what jobbing means?

Dean Ambrose is not a jobber if he’s headlined multiple PPV’s. You know who’s gotten the jobber treatment? Zack Ryder. Remember him? Anyone? The man who’s brought out and you automatically know he’s going to get crushed–that’s a jobber.

How can I forget Roman Reigns? It was okay to love him and find him to be amazing when he lost to Batista at the Royal Rumble of 2014. He was the underdog, the universe frowned upon his loss and thought it to be unfair. Yet once he gets the push the universe wanted for him, it’s suddenly the second coming of John Cena. Roman isn’t cool anymore, the new fad is to hate on him for getting treatment based on his worth ethic, in-ring ability, etc etc. Does that make sense to anyone? No? Glad I’m not the only one who finds it absurd to hate on Roman.

Sheesh, “I liked Roman before he became mainstream!” seems like an accurate statement for this.

Or let’s take a look at Alberto Del Rio’s return to WWE at Hell in a Cell! Some people aren’t too keen on his return given the circumstances he left over.

…Left over?

He did not leave the company. He was fired for standing up against a racist. That’s not leaving a company, and quite frankly I don’t blame the man for acting the way he did. Do people just not understand how racism feels?  Or are they choosing to glaze over the entire situation and instead just pretend it was Del Rio’s fault because they may not favor him as they do another individual?

Yes, WWE has its faults, there’s no surprise at all. But WWE can’t be blamed for everything. There’s a method to the madness, things happen for a reason. It’s formulaic and people who proclaim themselves as long-term die-hard fans should at least have some sense of this.

Instead Tumblr is used for people to vent about how their favorites are treated poorly, when in reality, about 70% of the time their favorites are simply in a FREAKING STORYLINE BECAUSE IT’S SCRIPTED ENTERTAINMENT THAT’S MEANT TO BE ENJOYED.

Whoa, excuse me, lost my cool there.

If your favorite has been featured in major feuds, headlines PPV’s, and is actually on television….you’re fine. There’s no need to tell fans of other superstars/divas to kill themselves. There’s no need to loosely throw around the term ‘jobber’ or ‘buried’–because most of the time they’re incredibly wrong and those terms are used in the wrong way.

In summary, Tumblr makes being a part of the wrestling community feel dangerous, hostile, and downright horrible.

Note: This does not apply to EVERYONE. It’s simply a generalized post based on observations. If you feel this applies to you, then that’s unfortunate, but this doesn’t target people in particular. It’s simply a generalization. 

Hell in a Cell: (10/25/15/)

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Oh boy! Hell in a Cell! The pay-per-view that was put together what seems to be by a couple of drunken monkeys! The underwhelming build-up, the repetition, the predictability…all a solid formula for WWE these days. Well, let’s see how the night goes, shall we?

Kickoff

Cesaro, Dolph Ziggler, Neville vs. King Barrett, Sheamus, Rusev

“Oh friend! Football friend! Friend!”

Sorry, that’s just a bit of Inbetweeners magic for ya, considering how Barrett seems to be wanting to create a new group of friends for himself lately. So we have the Celtic Warrior with devastating hair issues, Rusev the Whore, and King Barrett….a very social man these days. They’ll be going against the used up playboy Dolph Ziggler, Neville the token PPV high-flyer, and Cesaro…the forgotten one. You gotta love WWE booking logic, right?

Winners: Cesaro, Neville, and Dolph Ziggler….after Cesaro hammed it up, and it was great.

Hell in a Cell

U.S. Open Challenge

John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio!

Ah, once again John Cena makes history! This time it’s with an open challenge on a pay-per-view…against a mystery opponent no less! Well, now his opponent isn’t a mystery, but before he walked out to that ramp no one knew! The question now is…will Cena win? Or will he disappear until December or January with the title?

Did I scream a bit and flail like a child when Alberto Del Rio came out? Yes. Yes I did. In my defense, Zeb Colter came out first and I wanted to stab myself in the eyes if Jack Swagger decided to take the title…but this is Alberto Del Rio, and I’m very much okay with him taking the title.

Winner: Your new United States Champion, Alberto Del Rio! Buh-bye Cena.

Honestly….that match paled in comparison to every open challenge held on RAW.

Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns

Ah, the two cell virgins are going at it!

That phrasing sounds strange, doesn’t it?

These two both have a personal bone to pick with one another. Roman’s is obviously because Bray has taken to ruining his life since Money in the Bank. Bray…? Not sure, he just does what he pleases. Takes pictures of people’s children, cuts the eyes out of them, has his two side bitches beat people up for him…it’s just the way of Bray. So who wins between the psycho swamp thing and the man with a devastatingly bad temper?

Winner: Roman Reigns wins! Maybe now Bray can stop hoarding pictures of him and cutting the mouth out of them. That’s weird.

Tag Team Championship Match

The New Day vs. The Dudley Boyz

Save the tables versus get the tables! Either way, both teams clearly have issues with tables and other useful furniture of the sort. Unfortunately for the New Day, their musician and mouthpiece that never shuts up Xavier Woods has been put out of commission by those dastardly Dudley Boyz. Now that the mouthpiece is gone, can the Dudleyz get one over on New Day without the distraction of Mr. Woods?

Winners: The New Day. Looks like the trombone is the true lucky  charm.

Diva’s Championship

Charlotte vs. Nikki Bella

Thank god no one’s allowed at ringside. Hate to sit through them repeating the same type of finish for the hundredth time now. In this match we have Nikki, who has no idea whether or not she’s a good guy or a bad guy. At least Charlotte knows who she identifies as. All that’s left is to sit through the match and wait for the inevitable ‘we want Sasha’ chants.

Winner: Charlotte retains the championship, after she and Nikki nearly murdered each other.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Kane vs. Seth Rollins

There’s no way I should have to specify between Corporate Kane and Demon Kane. Kane is freaking Kane, damn it. We all know he’s simply playing mind games with Seth–the specifications are SO unnecessary, especially since either way you cut it “both” versions of Kane are screwed up in the head.

Really screwed up. Question is whose head is more screwed up? Seth’s? Because he’s still rocking the ratchet blonde patch? Oh, and he has this narcissistic, eccentric, spoiled rotten personality that would could rival Tony Stark? Or Kane…

I mean. Kane’s head damage is rather self-explanatory.

Winner: Seth Rollins retains the title, and Kane looks like a pathetic old man getting beat up by  the kid bully of the neighborhood.

Intercontinental Championship

Kevin Owens vs. Ryback

Ah, well this is a real treat. The happiest man in the WWE with all his self-help books and positivity bullshit. He’ll be going against Kevin Owens–the ever so charming bully that has no problem beating someone into a pulp. Good times to be had by all, yeah?

Fine, maybe not for Ryback. It’s a bad night to be him.

Winner: Kevin Owens retains the title after a match that will surely lead to Ryback finding more self-help books.

The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

Oh dear. How many times have these two gone at it?

I have no clue, I can’t count that high….but I just hope this is the last of it. It feels like every match with Brock is Taker’s last, because Brock is just so stiff, and well, flat out murderous too. This is just so exhausting! We get it, Brock beat the streak and Taker’s mad.

Just finish it!

We all know Brock will bleed all too quickly. Taker’s going to look like he’s tired for the rest of the match after the first five minutes go by…we know how it goes these days.

Winner: Brock Lesnar, ruining the lives of long-time fans everywhere. Proof that the streak’s end can never actually be redeemed.

Bonus Bit: The Wyatt Family decides to make their grand entrance once again and congratulate him on a job well done. By beating him savagely and kidnapping the man who used to kidnap everyone!

This pay-per-view was brought to you by WWE and Vince McMahon himself, a solid ‘fuck you’ to viewers everywhere.