Seeing Monday Night Raw: LIVE! (3/20/17)

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Yes that’s right, I in fact saw Monday Night Raw, live, at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York on March 20, 2017.

So let’s get down to it: what was it like?

First of all: it’s kind of amazing. When you finally get through security and spend twenty to thirty minutes looking for your seat because every single usher tells you to go to the next staircase: you finally land in your section. I myself had floor seats, section f5. Just about ten or eleven rows back from the barricade, a little before the WrestleMania sign.

The seats were okay. To be frank it was hard to see any of the action over anyone’s heads. To top it all off, the screen showing the fight was blocked by the lights and was basically far too vertical to watch comfortably. In addition to that people decided they were going to stand on their stupid chairs to get the perfect picture. Yes, thank you assholes who needed to do that; because everyone behind you is clearly seven feet tall and can see over you.

And you can’t teach that. Sorry. Moving on!

It felt like a mediocre episode of RAW. I anticipated crazy twists and turns because it’s two weeks to WrestleMania but I didn’t get any of that. I was also hoping I’d see Seth Rollins (even though people swore he was in the crowd at one point before retreating). However, I got to see my queen Stephanie McMahon live; as well as Triple H, Mick Foley, The Undertaker, and Chris Jericho. The Undertaker’s great, but there’s just something about seeing Chris Jericho live that really feels magical and makes me think “holy shit, am I really here”?

By the way, I mostly went because I really, really wanted to see Cesaro (he’s my favorite wrestler if you somehow haven’t gotten that) and his match ended far too quick for my liking. So…very disappointed.

Let’s talk about the chants.

Yes, there was a scandal recently, and of course Brooklyn had to start their charm. Before the show even began they shouted “We want Paige!” to the tune of “New Day Rocks”. Every single time she or Xavier Woods was on the screen they screamed. They also requested the presence of Brad Maddox, and typically CM Punk. Which still, to this day, is extremely pathetic and makes no sense.

CM Punk is not coming back, and if he is it’s going to be a Bret Hart situation twenty or so years from now where it’s just for a paycheck. Then he’ll probably critique a really great young talent horribly.

Then the sections began to fight. Above me the sides were chanting “That side sucks” at each other. My section retorted with “We got floor seats!”, which prompted them to say “floor seats suck!” in return.

It was super juvenile. During a match no less. Great, but yeah, go women’s wrestling right?

Also the children are probably the worst little smarks I’ve ever seen. Yes, I frequently come in contact with smarks that make me sigh heavily and ever regret joining social media platforms and dabbling into the wrestling fandom but I digress. The child behind me was saying just about every single match sucked, said Roman Reigns couldn’t wrestle (really kid?), and other shitty things I typically see adults say on twitter like Nia being fat or Alicia Fox having a busted face. Way to go, preteen. Already an asshole.

Oh, and on an unrelated note: A Bayley fan sat in front of me. Adorable little girl, really sobbed to hell when Bayley lost.

I laughed, I know it’s cruel but….yeah I cackled.

Something I thought was VERY interesting was the reception to Roman. It was very John Cena like, half the arena loved him, half hated him. At some points, the crowd unanimously booed. However, when Roman geared up for that spear and went for his classic “ooaahhh”, every single person belted it out with him in unison; something I frequently confused with boos while watching at home.

So you can’t ever say that Roman doesn’t connect with the fans.

I also didn’t have an experience with persistent males trying to strike up a conversation with me or ask for my number, unlike the last time I went to a WWE show. I’m not sure if it was because I went with a male, or because my exhausted face screamed “look at me and I will ruin your life”; but it was great.

The show was okay, the atmosphere felt like the stupid part of Twitter coming to life…but, it was nice. I just really need to see SmackDown live or stick to house shows.

 

The Raw Bits: (Highlights 11/14/16)

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Right off the bat RAW started out by giving me extreme secondhand embarrassment. The moment Mick started dancing and partaking in his best imitation of Enzo Amore, I just…I felt like an embarrassed grandkid. Kudos to you Mick ,but um, I’ll be here hiding in mild embarrassment. Then it got worse when Stephanie McMahon unveiled her soccer mom inner self….gosh. Too much to handle.

Damn it, wrestling is so stupid and ridiculous, I love it so much.

Roman’s a great partner.

Sure, Kevin Owens wouldn’t help during the match; and yeah, he tagged himself in just as Roman was finally about to execute his finisher and take the win for them. However, even though Kevin was the legal man Roman did the right thing. He knocked out their opponent and dragged Kevin’s body on top of Sheamus in order to secure the win. Honestly, that’s a great, and considerate teammate being so selfless and supportive.

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The New Day is ready for cuffing season.

They show their readiness with a stunning interpretation of cuffing season, using a New Day sock and unicorn horn. They didn’t even remember to wrap the horn first, sigh. So irresponsible.

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Closing Segment RAW Vs. SmackDown

From Kevin cupping Chris Jericho’s sugar tit, to AJ Styles and his soccer mom hair making it on the List, all the way to James Ellsworth being dubbed Chince McMahon. I just….this entire segment was complete gold and too hilarious for words. Raw vs. SmackDown was perfect and I can’t wait for this match at Survivor Series.

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Stephanie McMahon loves Mortal Kombat

“Finish him!”–Such orders sound so fitting coming from Stephanie.

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Mother Abandons Her Son: The Seth Rollins Story

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Seth Rollins is commonly known as the man, yet to the Authority he was known as the Golden Boy. He was the one that would lead them to greatness, as WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Seth was a force to be reckoned with. As a matter of fact, Seth was a petulant child, and a spoiled rotten brat who had it all.

Seth had the pride of his father. Sure, Triple H didn’t publicly voice how proud he was of Seth all the time. He didn’t make a big show of things whenever he had the chance, and he certainly didn’t try to show how proud he was through constant hugs or praises. Triple H was typically the stereotypical father figure, a man who oozed stoic, silent pride for their son. Where Seth really had the connection was with his mother, the queen herself, Stephanie McMahon.

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Stephanie often sang Seth’s praises, and they always seemed to have the closest bond. Even during the brand split, she was his first pick—not once showing a hint of leaving her child on a church doorstep in favor of someone better. 

We all expected this turn to happen. Triple H always chose a new son to claim as his own, from Randy Orton, to Seth Rollins, now down to Kevin Owens. What few expected, and many (including Seth) were dreading, was the mother’s abandonment of her child. Stephanie gave up on Seth, something he never expected in all his time in being with The Authority.

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He was clearly reeling with this loss. He noted that he was the best she ever had. Whether that’s his ego speaking or the cold hard truth the fact of the matter is this: he’s upset. Seth Rollins had it all, and lost it faster than he could blink.

Now all Seth can experience is the feeling of being alone. He abandoned his former brothers, his adoptive brother Randy turned on him as well. The hobbits of J&J Security, Uncle Kane, weird ,creepy not-actually-his-uncle-but-kind-of-his-uncle Big Show—everyone abandoned him. Seth had to deal with the feeling of being completely and utterly alone.

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He has to face the world by himself, but can he do it?! He’s had someone to fall back on his entire career. Seth’s always been in a group, somehow, somewhere, someone always had his back. He has to prove himself worthy of being called “The Man” and being able to do everything on his own—even if he doesn’t necessarily have to. There’s always an option for help, and sometimes you find friends where you least expect it.

For example, Seth could possibly have the help of good ol’ Uncle Mick. Sure, they got off to a rocky start. Seth clearly has an awful attitude problem and has never had disciplinary action taken against him.  Regardless of that, if Mick can get through Seth, get through the feelings of the child that’s been abandoned and lost people close to him so many times before:then there can be hope for him. Alone in the world, it’s up to Seth Rollins to mend his life, build new bridges, and give his parents the ultimate middle finger.

The Raw Bits: Highlights (10/10/16)

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Monday Night Raw started with the crowd welcoming WWE Women’s Champion Sasha Banks to the ring. Chants of “you deserve it” filled the arena, and quite frankly I’m not sure how I feel about that. It seems like every time the crowd chants those words, they turn on the performer within a month, seeming to be bored and over with their new champ anyway.

Rusev interrupts the Queen

Rusev and Lana interrupted the great queen Charlotte’s entrance as she made her way to the ring to accept Sasha’s challenge for a Hell in a Cell match. First of all: how dare you? Second of all yes give me more of this, this segment was great and Charlotte did a damn good job of making sure they knew to never steal the spotlight from the queen. Third: Women’s Hell in a Cell Match: YES!!!

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Sheamus has no idea who he is

Sheamus has an identity crisis, it’s very clear with the fact that he came out during Cesaro’s entrance. Sure, one could see this as Sheamus establishing dominance and asserting the idea that he’s better than Cesaro. However, I think it’s more that Sheamus just has no idea who he is anymore. He wants to believe that he’s as great and beloved as Cesaro. A noble goal to try and accomplish, but he’s no Swiss Superman.

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Chris Jericho’s PayDay #Sponsored

We just need to take a moment to appreciate how good of a guy R-Truth is. He heard Jericho’s dilemma and offered him the candy bar. Sure, it wasn’t what Jericho was talking about but damn it, that was so nice of Truth! In the end Jericho didn’t get his candy bar, but hopefully he’s getting a great pay day.

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All things Jericho.

I realized that most of the rest of this post would just be about Chris Jericho, because he’s been killing it this evening.So, I’ll finish it up this way. Chris Jericho in the ring with Kevin, Foley, and Stephanie: fantastic. Chris Jericho backstage with Kevin Owens and Tom Phillips: hilarious. Chris Jericho with Stephanie discussing the power of friendship: incredible. I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m finding Jericho to be pretty damn entertaining. It’s a bit ridiculous, I feel like I have to put him on my lit for being too much.

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The beginning of RAW was pretty good,but as per usual I started to lose interest midway through hour two. I can’t help it, the program is just so damn long and I have the attention span of a goldfish.

The Raw Bits: Highlights (9/19/16)

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Monday Night Raw, after a scandalous finish last week which included good ol’ Uncle Mick having absolutely none of his spoiled nephew Seth Rollins’ shit. What on earth can happen next?!

The Battle Takes to the Announce Table!

Ah, Seth Rollins versus was a pretty good match! It got even better when the fight ended in a double count out and the brawl hit the top of the ramp. Then who could forget, Seth Rollins taking to the announce table as a makeshift jumping pad? It was a great moment for Seth. I’m sure Rusev will be just fine after he eventually wakes up. He can take a nice hot bath and watch Lana’s new movie she co-starred in with Edge, a handsome Canadian man, who is not Rusev. Eh, it’s fine, not like he has jealousy issues!

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Mother vs. Son

It was vicious, it was brutal, their threats went straight for the jugular. Seth turned his back on his mother Stephanie, having the nerve to threaten her in her own office. unfortunately for him his mother was having none of it. Stephanie’s retort which claimed that his father (Triple H, obviously) left him and abandoned him for a better son, looked like it destroyed Seth.

The family is officially broken, and Seth has transitioned from angsty teenager, to bitter young adult seeking revenge. In the words of Stephanie:

“Do I think Kevin Owens has REPLACED Seth Rollins as the man? Yes. I. Do.”

Fucking. Brutal.

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IT versus Uncle Mick

Jericho is honestly best friend goals. He jumps to Kevin Owens’ defense to save him from the evil clutches and vindictive behavior that they associated with the great Mick Foley. It’s so incredibly admirable. Yet in his defense, this turned into a battle of cheap pops and fashion do’s and don’ts.

In short, Jericho is very trendy in Luxembourg and Mick steals catch phrases! csws9ruvmae6k2j

Seth Freaking Ninja Rollins

Boy…you’ve got 9 lives, and you just used one to save Roman Reigns. Go sit in the corner and think about what you did for everyone who still misses The Shield.

 

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Overall: Raw was pretty good. Didn’t feel too special going into Clash of Champions this Sunday, but we’ll see what happens at the PPV!

RAW: Braun Strowman Destroyed 2/3 of the Shield (8/31/15 Highlights)

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Man, what a time to be a wrestling fan right? RAW hadn’t even started, and Monday had already been quite an eventful day. Hell, the weekend was especially eventful. It’s quite amazing what goes around like wildfire on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram, isn’t it?

Well then, enough of that! Onto the show.

Highlights

Stephanie McMahon agrees with Sting.

Seth Rollins is not half the man his father her husband, Triple H is. Uh oh, I sense a family dispute.

Summer Rae sneaking into Dolph’s locker room.

Well then. Someone needs to contact Jerry Springer, he has to come back. At least this time it’s not for the Bella twins.

Dolph Ziggler gives a whole new meaning to RAW..

That was not PG at all.

Kevin: Cole! Cole! Watch this you little jerk!

Yeah you little jerk, you watch Kevin miss hitting Cesaro, damn it!

This Lana/Dolph/Summer/Rusev thing is stupid.

IT’S STUPID.

It’s bullshit!

Oh no, Summer saw Dolph naked because she snuck up on him like a creepy pervert. Yet instead of being mad at Summer for doing that and invading his privacy, she’s mad at Dolph like if he turned on some music and got down to business with Summer.

IT’S STUPID.

Braun Strowman destroys Dean and Roman.

That was….painful to watch. Hell, him speaking before the match was enough to creepy me out. But now I’m going to have nightmares and I have sympathy pains.

The man is quite effective.

Seth claims he’s the man now.

Seth basically said of Triple H (as the youth of today would put it) “He ain’t shit now.”

Yeah that’s good Seth, rip off the hand that feeds you. Solid work.

New Day proclaims the Dudley Boyz are a menace to furniture.

You know what? They’re right. They destroy these works of art, crafted for hours by people just trying to earn money to feed their families. People who are proud of their hard work…people who have to see those damn Dudleys destroy everything they’ve made.

New Day bubble wrapped a table.

Someone give them a sitcom deal please.

Bubba screams ‘New Day sucks’ while running across the ring.

What a beautiful time to be alive.

Well, this episode of RAW was…something alright. It wasn’t as entertaining as last week that’s for sure. Things really picked up when the Dudley Boyz faced The New Day–but that was at the end of the night!

I dread what happens on SmackDown.

RAW: The Road to SummerSlam (8/17/15 Highlights)

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Welcome to Monday night RAW! The show where everything’s live, and if you screw that up the Universe will talk about it for for an entire week! This however is a very special edition of RAW; meant to entice you to watch SummerSlam this Sunday only on the WWE Network!

Man, I should have gotten a job in advertising.

Highlights

The awkward Demi Lovato music + SummerSlam promo pictures.

All while The Authority is trying to hype up and explain the event. Could it be anymore awkward to watch/listen to? You’d think not, what with that song playing on repeat in the background at such a frequency it makes you want to tear your own ears out and eat them for good measure.

Stephanie announces Jon Stewart will be hosting SummerSlam.

Oh praise the gods of comedy.

Cesaro feeding Sheamus to Orton.

Hey, they each have their opponents. It’s quite nice of Cesaro to let Randy have the first go at Sheamus. Hopefully Randy can respect the hawk.

Kevin Owens put his fists up just like the Cowardly Lion.

Put ’em up! Put ’em up!!!

Seth wants a statue of himself among the legends at WWE  HQ.

Oh Seth. A statue in your own likeness if you beat John Cena and hold both championships. Oh dear. Well, someone’s a smug little rat, isn’t he?

JBL hurt Dean’s feelings.

So much so that Dean moved and sat next to Saxton. That poor, delicate, junkyard dog.

Saxton doing commentary on his knees.

….Mmkay then.

TAMINA HAS A MATCH.

FINALLY!

Rusev stumbling like a drunken monkey after Dolph makes a very physical return.

That’s fantastic. Plus he used Summer as a human shield! Rusev is really the ideal standard to live up to as a human being.

Seth calls Daniel Bryan a cripple and John Cena finally comes out to talk…

Ya see that Seth? You don’t insult his wife-to-never-be’s sister’s husband. Not unless you want the champ and his newly refurbished nose to appear.

Stardust and King Barrett the Cosmic King are the Lords of Darkness.

Stardust just seems absolutely pickled to be referred to as such. How precious! Barrett just looks like he’s auditioning for Zoolander 2.

Sasha Banks made Nikki tap out.

Well hot damn. Look out Submission Sorority PCB, there’s a boss around who can make the champ tap too.

However, people were too busy chanting “we want Lesnar” to notice this lovely match.

Brock Lesnar’s homecoming includes streamers and confetti.

‘Cause that’s just the type of man he is. The beast loves to be showered with paper cuts in his hometown.

In addition to confetti. Paul Heyman serenades him.

Taker, if you will, please resolve this deafening issue. Thank you. Right in the testicles, as it should be.

Now if you’ve decided to skip all the way to the end just to see my witty and or possibly corny endings, here’s an overall summary of the night:

Every match from previous RAW/SmackDown episodes since Battleground has been repeated and exhausted beyond belief in the form of various match ups. However, we still have SmackDown to endure this Thursday, which will be putting half of the matches for SummerSlam out on display. Again. For the umpteenth time.

Solid work.