SmackDown: Taking Souls & Diggin’ Holes (Highlights 11/15/16)

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The 900th episode of SmackDown live is brought to you by Mauro Ranallo, who promises that it will be L-I-T. Given that I trust this man, I’m going to assume that he’s correct and it’s going to be a great night.

Maryse wins the title!

Okay maybe she didn’t win and The Miz is actually holding it….but she won for her husband. Maryse is the MVP of SmackDown and she’s the best wife in the world for helping her husband. I look forward to her turning on him and holding the championship herself.

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Natalya be Tubthumping.

Honestly she’s a great coach, speaking such wise words of Chumbawamba wisdom to Alexa Bliss. Team SmackDown is extremely lucky.

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Nikki vs. Carmella

It is VICIOUS between the two of them. There’s so much feeling and emotion there and I’m actually interested in this story because it’s not some garbage they threw together last second for Total Divas. It’s also allowing them to be vicious and “go hard” just like the guys do when feuds are continuous like this. It’s different, and I like it.

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RAW Invades SmackDown

WHAT?! It was AWESOME. Nia Jax made a clean sweep tossing around the entire women’s SmackDown team before the ladies managed to regain control. Plus Naomi did a beautiful splash off of the top rope. Ugh, fantastic.I’d love to see more of this. These two matches/segments didn’t feel exclusively female like WWE’s been doing for years, they felt like two matches/segments that would apply to any gender.

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“Taking souls and diggin’ holes.”

God damn it, Undertaker is so cool.

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SmackDown: Highlights (9/20/16)

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Following up a pretty okay Monday Night RAW, it’s SmackDown’s turn to shine and impress the world. Luckily for them, they don’t have to prepare for a pay per view this Sunday–which could mean they might take it easy and put less effort in being entertaining.

Becky Lynch Destroys

I’m not talking about the destruction by physical means here. Her explaining how she wasn’t born a champion but fought her way to the top was gold and wonderfully inspirational. Top that off with a charming threat of ripping Alexa’s head off and you basically have a recipe for complete success; and possibly a homicide charge.

Bonus: Daniel Bryan sounded like an exhausted teacher with rowdy students the entire time.

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Rhyno & Heath Slater

I never realized that this tag team would amuse me so much, and I’m delighted by the surprise! Heath came up with the most amazing chant in favor of his man beast Rhyno–and we saw Rhyno’s love of cheese and crackers once again take center stage. It was such an incredible moment to be a part of.

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The Fight for the #ICTitle

If you didn’t watch the match I suggest going back to check it out. It’s got everything you could want, pin falls, lying, cheating, unfortunately no thefts (unless you want to get symbolic with it). Plus we get Maryse: the best valet in the business right now. Oh, and if you’re into this: mopey Dolph needing to prove himself. Not my cup of tea, but some really adore the underdog look on him.

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Those were my entertaining highlights for SmackDown. Next week we’ve got a one on one title match between AJ Styles and Dean Ambrose. Hmmm, a title change before No Mercy? Possibly!

SmackDown: Highlights (9/13/16)

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Below are a few moments I found to be incredibly entertaining of from SmackDown from September 13, 2016.

When Shit Got Too Real

Things got too real between AJ Styles, Dean Ambrose, and John Cena in the opening segment of SmackDown. John Cena called out Dean, referencing the Stone Cold Podcast and going for the typical “you have no balls” insult. Dean called Cena the part timer who can’t keep up anymore but looks great on a cereal box. AJ of course relished in the fighting and managed to celebrate before it all went down.

The MVP of this segment was definitely Dean and John going toe to toe with the mic, and I never realized how desperately I needed that feud until this moment.

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AJ’s Hunt For a Partner

Not a life partner, no, but for a tag partner!  It’s incredibly entertaining and also very pitiful on his behalf. Poor guy, no one wants to work with him. it must be hard being the champ that runs the camp.

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Curt Hawkins…um…

Honestly, this was bit was sponsored by PornHub, wasn’t it? Or is he just trying to check on his own set up and make sure everything’s okay? Oh, or maybe fire farts?!

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The Miz Beats Up James Ellsworth

The Miz did the right thing! He made sure to secure himself a main event spot AND torment Daniel Bryan by utterly destroying the internet darling James Ellsworth. The poor guy never stood a chance against the A-Lister, but gosh he looked so happy to be there before Miz ruined him.

The Miz was killing it….and James!

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The show ends with Dean Ambrose nailing John Cena with dirty deeds, and now I can’t wait to see what goes down next week on SmackDown live.

 

WWE SmackDown: Backlash 2016

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Backlash: SmackDown Brand (9/11/16)

Today we watch the very first SmackDown exclusive pay-per-view, Backlash. Tonight is the first chance for a brand exclusive PPV to shine. Will SmackDown impress viewers, fans and skeptics alike? Or will it lose in the battle of going toe to toe with the Raw brand?

Kickoff

Apollo Crews vs. Baron Corbin

Everyone wants to be the new face that runs the place! According to Baron, Apollo’s get a spelling bee to focus on and shouldn’t even bother being on SmackDown because he’s a nobody. Apollo isn’t sweating it at all, he knows he can spell and can shine.

Winner: Apollo Crews gets got, Baron Corbin wins!

Backlash

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Becky Lynch vs. Natalya vs. Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Nikki Bella vs. Carmella

Six pack elimination match for the WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship

It’s time to choose the first ever SmackDown brand Women’s champion. There’s plenty of worthy contenders here, all vying for the opportunity to be the female face that runs the place.

Winner: Becky Lynch is the first SmackDown Women’s Champion

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The Usos vs. The Hype Bros

Winners face Heath Slater and Rhyno for the Tag Team Championships.

The Usos get a chance to fight for the tag titles due to American Alpha being out of commission, how unfortunate for them! Now it’s time for The Usos to make the most out of the second opportunity….but, the Hype Bros might be too much to handle.

Winners: Hype Bros get got, The Usos win!

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The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

For the InterContinental Championship

The Miz has a chance to prove himself against Dolph Ziggler, a man who constantly feels the need to prove himself and like he’s never done enough. Really, Dolph’s stuck in his own head with what everyone says about him, whereas Miz seems to be fully confident and aware of his abilities.

Winner: The Miz retains, and Dolph Ziggler gets got

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Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Unfortunately for the WWE Universe, Randy Orton was deemed unable to compete due to injury because Bray Wyatt had jumped him. in reality, the utterly careless Brock Lesnar is the reason for Randy not being cleared to compete. I say we put Brock on an island by himself away from humanity.

Winner: Bray Wyatt, via disqualification.

Don’t worry, we have a great substitute.

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Bray Wyatt vs. Kane

No disqualification

Well, it’s different than assuming a member of the Wyatt family would emerge from the swamp and destroy him. However, I’ll gladly take this nice little surprise!

Example Surprise: Randy Orton entering the ring to hit Bray with an RKO.

Winner: Bray Wyatt gets got with a quick trip to ViperVille. Kane wins!

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The Usos vs. Rhyno , Heath Slater

SmackDown Tag Team Championships

The Usos have taken full advantage of their second chance, and only have Rhyno and Heath Slater in their way. However, Heath desperately needs that above ground pool for his family. With all fifty of his kids watching, hopefully he can pull out the win.

Winners: The Usos get got. Rhyno and Heath Slater are the inaugural SmackDown Tag Team Champions. Now Heath can get that damn pool.

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Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles

For the WWE World Championship

This has been quite the heartbreaking feud if either of them plan on having any, or more children. Testicles have been crushed, we’ve learned that AJ doesn’t believe in participation trophies and likes to take tokens from his victims as a reminder of his victories. Serial killer-ish? Yes, which is surprising considering he’s not the man often referred to as the lunatic fringe. Now it’s time for Dean to prove himself against the face that runs the place.

Winner: Dean Ambrose gets got with a low blow, AJ Styles is the new champion!

Something tells me Dean might lose his damn mind on Tuesday, live on SmackDown!

 

 

Panda’s Predictions: Battleground (7/24/16)

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WWE Battleground 2016 is upon us, and it is time to guess who will be the ones to get got, and who will be the ones to rise to the top and leave the match victorious. This is the first ever Panda’s Predictions (it’s a work in progress, but I’m feeling the title so far), and things are going to be interesting to predict considering the WWE Draft that just took place.

Kickoff Match:

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The Usos vs. Breezango

This was just recently added to the card as a spur of the moment match. On one side, you have a set of twins (not breasts) that know how to work perfectly with each other. However, they haven’t really faced their opponents this much and that’s where it gets interesting for them.

Breezango isn’t just a team of two very pretty men: they’re two very pretty men who have been doing quite well and clearly model themselves after the Zoolander films.

Prediction: The Usos get got and Breezango wins

Battleground 2016

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Natalya vs. Becky Lynch

This is just sad, isn’t it?! Everyone turns on Becky, and I still have no idea why Natalya’s so mad or suddenly being the bad girl…but watching them brawl is pretty cool and I can get behind it. Somehow I feel like Becky may finally overcome the bully that Natalya has become.

Prediction: Natalya gets got and Becky Lynch wins

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Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel with special guest: Randy Orton

Okay, this is supposed to hype up Randy’s SummerSlam match with Brock Lesnar. Fine, I get that. I’m just baffled that they’d still have the match considering that Brock failed his UFC drug tests both the night before and the day of. Setting a poor example for the locker room when you suspend some but not all just because the man is a cash cow and you’ve spent far too much money on him. But what do I know, right?

Prediction: Jericho says something funny.

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Rusev vs. Zack Ryder

For the United States Championship

Is anyone else rooting so hard for Zack Ryder right now? On one hand I can’t help but to feel that they want to keep Rusev as this big indestructible powerhouse. On the other hand, Zack’s the ultimate underdog right now and I want him to win! Maybe he’ll gain the win and send Rusev on a tantrum the likes of which even Kevin Owens and Seth Rollins can’t compete with…right?

Prediction: Rusev gets got and Zack Ryder is the new champion

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The Miz vs. Darren Young

For the Intercontinental Championship

In this instance I love The Miz so, so much. He’s the perfect ,arrogant A-list actor and with Maryse at his side he’s only gotten more entertaining. Then we have Darren who is also starting as the underdog in this match, much like Zack before him.A part of me wants The Miz to carry the belt and continue the hilarity, but…

Prediction: The Miz gets got, Darren Young is the new champion.

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Charlotte, Dana Brooke vs. Sasha Banks, Mystery Partner

Okay, so the mystery partner has to be Bayley. Charlotte will be astonished beyond belief, Dana will be terrified, and together Bayley and Sasha will dominate the match! Right? Please let my hopes and dreams come true, I don’t have many.

Prediction: Bayley is Sasha’s partner, Charlotte and Dana get got. Sasha and Bayley win.

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The New Day vs. The Wyatt Family

There are many levels of concern here, mainly for Xavier Woods. Bray looks like he has this creepy sort of hold developing on this poor young lad, and I don’t know if he can hold off any longer! Sure, they escaped the Compound alive–but they barely managed to do that! Could this be the beginning of a newer, stronger family?

Prediction: The New Day gets got, Wyatt Family wins.

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Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn

I think we all need to come to the conclusion that no matter what happens, they’re going to fight forever.They’ve become a dynamic duo that just can’t stop beating the life out of one another, which would be concerning if this wasn’t professional wrestling. Anyway, I don’t know what to say about this match, it could go anywhere. Hell, it could end in a DQ and we’ll never know where that can take us next.

Prediction: Kevin Owens loses his mind and gets got, Sami Zayn wins.

 

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John Cena, Enzo Amore & Big Cass, vs. The Club

#BeatUpJohnCena

Sorry, couldn’t resist.

A win would be great for Enzo and Big Cass, right? They’re the hot new tag team on the main roster, people would love it if they won. But…people would also love it (or hate it, I can’t tell with crowds these days) if The Club got a win. Now that The Club is split into two rosters, it’s the perfect time for the team to dominate both sides.

Prediction: John Cena,Enzo Amore & Big Cass get got. The Club wins.

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Dean Ambrose vs. Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

For the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Well damn, we’re finally getting the triple threat we’ve been dying to see since The Shield disbanded. Here’s hoping that there isn’t some freak accident or something that keeps this from happening at Battleground. It would be the equivalent of the universe saying it’s just not meant to be.

We’ve got Roman, coming fresh off of a suspension that may leave him angry and ready to kill just about anyone because of Seth’s constant teasing. Seth’s arrogant and believes the title belongs to him, and Dean…well he’s the wildcard whose proven he can get through anything.

Prediction: Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns get got. Dean Ambrose retains.

That’s all for the prediction post, now we wait until Battleground on July 24th to find out who wins and who gets got.

 

Extreme Rules: 5/22/16 (Highlights)

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Does this really need an introduction? I mean…I don’t have nearly as much to talk smack about as I usually do. This has been quite enjoyable. Aw man, talking about professional wrestling isn’t fun unless I try really hard to make fun of it. Now I get why all those smarks talk about Roman so much.

Kick Off

Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin

No Disqualification

A no disqualification match could favor Dolph Ziggler! After all, compared to Corbin he’s quite the little guy. Sure, he won against Corbin at a previously PPV, but he just barely managed to pull that out.Corbin on the other hand has his size, his devastating anger issues on his side in addition to the no disqualification. Corbin may try to attempt to squash Ziggler like a bug. Which, would be super unfortunate. I can’t imagine how difficult pink hair and rocker studs are to get out from the sole of one’s boot.

Winner: Baron Corbin, thanks to a solid nutter butter (that’s a low blow for anyone that’s not hip to the lingo)

Extreme Rules

The Usos vs. Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson

The Usos, a part of the stable The Bloodline will be facing 2/3 of The Club. It’s amazing how feuds spread through the groups, isn’t it? It starts with one friend and suddenly all parties are trying to kill one another for the enjoyment of others.

The Usos simply don’t care what other people think of them anymore, they’re looking out for themselves and for their cousin Roman. They couldn’t care less about the crowd or whether or not they’re the good guys. They’re just trying to do what they can to not get murdered. As for Gallows and Anderson? Well they’re just here to fuck some shit up in WWE. Nice, I can get behind that.

Winners: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson. Side note: that finisher looks painful.

Rusev vs. Kalisto

For the United States Championship

Alright, I’m running out of material here. There’s only so many David and Goliath jokes I can make. What do you expect me to say here? Kalisto, while so small, is channeling the Hulk with his green and purple t-shirt? Or that Rusev sounds more American by the day and it would actually be fitting for him to have the belt at this point? Or perhaps that Lana must miss Ziggler considering she’s wearing outfits that she wore with him? Is she longing for him? Yes, maybe, I don’t know!

Winner: Rusev, and Kalisto’s spine definitely lost tonight.

The New Day vs. The Vaudevillains

For the Tag Team Championships

The New Day out to break a few hoes and plow them into the ground. As for the Vaudevillains, I’m sure they’d rather be home reading a boring thesaurus and lifting weights, but they have a few unicorns to take care of first.

Winners: The New Day, and that ain’t booty.

Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. The Miz vs. Cesaro

For the Intercontinental Championship.

Basically, Sami and Kevin are going to murder each other in the ring with committing actual murderer. Possibly just reach the brink of death. Miz will undoubtedly rely on his wife’s impeccable timing to save his life. Cesaro is most likely going to uppercut them all as far away from New Jersey as possible.

Winner: The Miz! I expect more monologues to come from this.

Dean Ambrose vs. Chris Jericho

Asylum Match

It’s kind of odd to find out what angers Dean. he’s not mad about Jericho screwing them over against the Wyatt family at Night of Champions. Yet when it comes to murdering his botanical best friend, Dean’s all ready to have a violent steel cage match. Interesting, yet noble and very selfless in his attempt to redeem his best friend Mitch. Meanwhile, Jericho’s ego is clouding his judgement, as he’s become a mass murderer of props. Yet when asked for comments, all he could say was “drink it in, man”.

Winner: Dean Ambrose, and the cleanup crew.

Natalya vs. Charlotte

Submission match for the Women’s Championship

Ah, finally, Ric Flair is banned from ringside. It’s about time daddy’s little girl stood on her own two feet before brutalizing her opponent and putting them in a figure four leg lock. Without Ric, that leaves the WWE Universe wondering–can Charlotte keep the belt without her father’s help? After all, Natalya’s a veteran! She’s been around for quite some time and the skills under her belt are vast.

Winner: Charlotte retains, and my heart dies.

Roman Reigns vs. AJ Styles

Extreme Rules Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Well, this is going to be absolutely brutal. These two have issues, and there are not enough tissues in the world to help them. It’s safe to say they hate each other, and I’m not sure that the belt even matters. But rather, the more important part seems to be hurting the other in the process, and the belt is just a nice side order that comes with it.

As expected: Anderson, Gallows, and The Usos come down to ensure their team captains have the best chance of winning.

Winner: Roman Reigns retains with a mid-air spear. 

Bonus Surprise: Seth Rollins appears after Roman’s victory and hits him with the pedigree! Oh how I have missed you!

Payback: Highlights (5/1/16)

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Holy crap, it’s May. Isn’t that insane? Feels like just yesterday it was WrestleMania and Brock Lesnar half-assed what could have been match of the year.

Ah, sweet memories.

Anywho… the buildup has been a little odd, hasn’t it? Shane has been running the program even though he lost to the Undertaker, so that’s peculiar and makes no sense, but okay! Ryback and Kalisto haven’t had much of a buildup at all, Bret Hart will be in Natalya’s corner tonight but he doesn’t want to be there. Man, is that a horrible start to May or a great start?

Kickoff Match

Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler

Bet you thought Kalisto and Ryback were going to be on the pre-show, right? Ha! Loser…

No it’s fine, me too. They changed it up on me last second and I write these things 5 minutes in advance. It’s really throwing me for a loop having to write it on the spot. Honestly, I feel frazzled. Regardless, Dolph’s kind of showing some desperation lately with his matches. He’s getting a little too anxious, losing his cool when he goes against Baron, signs of a man being fearful of loss rather than a man willing to do any and everything. Baron’s keeping his cool. As a lone wolf he doesn’t stress out–not until things go absolutely wrong at the end and he has to punish someone for his own wrongdoings. Ah, I love people.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Kalisto vs. Ryback

United States Championship

David versus Goliath part two, at least for these two. Was there ever a canon sequel for that story? If not, consider this now canon and part of the biblical universe. Why they’re fighting again, I’m not sure but perhaps there’s one viewer that actually knows this very well. Kalisto might get destroyed for real this time considering the giant sour cream and onion chip on Ryback’s shoulder. But….that little guy is feisty! Who knows what insane, death defying stunt he’ll pull.Plus, Ryback’s on the pre-show again. Maybe the rage will give him extra strength.

Winner:  Kalisto retains the championship, and surprisingly has good in-ring chemistry with Ryback.

Payback

Enzo Amore and Big Cass vs. The Vaudevillains

#1 Contendership for the WWE Tag Team Titles

This is….this is absolutely magical. Smacktalker Skywalker and his own personal Chewbacca are going to take on the carnival rejects from that one, really, really grumpy town out in the middle of nowhere. This surely would have been a great match.

Unfortunately, Enzo hit the mad incredibly hard while attempting to slide out of the ring, and the match ended. As of this writing, Enzo has been diagnosed with a concussion and other tests have come out negative. Here’s hoping to a speedy and healthy recovery.

 Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn

Best friends turned bitter rivals. Ah, I love the smell of two former friends beating the crap out of each other. It smells like personal, vengeance, and probably a bit of blood. Kevin Owens plays the perpetual victim, and everyone’s cheering for our precious Sami Zayn to knock some sense into him.

Winner: Kevin Owens kicks Sami Zayn into a new galaxy

The Miz vs. Cesaro

Intercontinental Championship

The Miz has really stepped his game in recent weeks, but you know what they say. Behind every man is a great, wonderful, powerful woman that’s really the one to make sure you get what you deserve and or want. Can Cesaro, the man that’s probably going to be cast for a WWE style Transporter knock off movie, take the belt from him? Well, one can certainly hope so!

Winner: The Miz retains both the title and a great relationship with his wife.

Dean Ambrose vs. Chris Jericho

Do it for the potted plant, Ambrose.

It’s about time Ambrose got some revenge on Chris Jericho for screwing up his match with Roman against the Wyatt Family all those eons ago. C’mon, baby, it’s only right! Someone has to stop Jericho and his mad streak of terrorizing superstars. He’s already wearing scarves to highlight his madness, how far is Jericho going to go?!

Winner: Dean Ambrose! Now Jericho can sit in the corner shedding tears of blood.

Natalya vs. Charlotte

WWE Women’s Championship

Well this will be fun. Ric Flair is under investigation for possibly being drunk at an airport, and Bret Hart really doesn’t want to be there. So, the two men that aren’t even in the match are clearly having the time of their lives. As for the women, well, Charlotte’s been reigning supreme for quite some time. Yet this time around, perhaps it’s time for the real Queen Natalya’s reign to begin.

Winner: Charlotte retains after WWE recreates the Montreal Screwjob. Its successor will now be called the Chicago Screwjob.

#RAWDecision

You know who doesn’t care? The live audience in the arena. Then again, they don’t care about anything, they like hijacking the show.

The takeaway here is that Shane and Stephanie are both in charge of RAW.

Okay maybe another important takeaway here is that Vince said he wants blood to be shed. Okay, where’s his father of the year award? Time for Titus to pass it down to Vince.

Roman Reigns vs. AJ Styles

WWE World Heavyweight Championship.

On this day in WWE history, smarks cried at the possibility of Roman Reigns beating AJ Styles. Why? No one knows. There’s one theory out there about wrestling fans becoming hipsters that go out of their way to detest home-grown wrestlers….but that individual harbors too much common sense to deal with said people. Said people don’t realize that even booing him still help. Any reaction is better than no reaction, that’s for sure.

As for AJ, the fans are going to be behind him for the most part. However, they may be so focused on hating Roman that they’ll forget to chant for AJ. Let’s not forget Anderson, Gallows, and the Usos who have clearly taken sides in this showdown. Will Styles’ old buddies return to help him, or are they secretly plotting against him?

Winner: AJ Styles wins by count out, BUT Roman Reigns retains the title.

Bonus Surprise: Shane McMahon has some words to say. Match restarts with no count outs.

Winner again: AJ Styles, because apparently a low-blow happened….but Reigns is still champion!

Bonus Surprise 2: Stephanie McMahon now has some words. The match restarts, no count out and now no disqualifications. Oh dear, that one upsmanship will get these two killed.

Winner for the 3rd time: Roman Reigns retains his championship.

My what a night full of incredible matches. All that’s left is the fallout to be encountered on RAW. The rematches that will take place, the set ups for Extreme Rules, and how Stephanie and Shane can possibly run the show together.