Kickoff
The Usos vs. Breezango
Essentially, this match is a set of twins not of the breast variety, against a pair of Zoolander devotees.
Result: The Usos get got and Breezango wins!
Battleground
Charlotte, Dana Brooke vs. Sasha Banks, Mystery Partner
It’s finally revealed! Can Charlotte and Dana overcome Sasha and her mystery partner, now revealed to be Bayley?
Result: Charlotte and Dana Brooke get got because Charlotte tapped out to Sasha Banks. Bayley and Sasha Banks win!
The New Day vs. The Wyatt Family
It’s possible that Bray Wyatt’s hold over Xavier Woods will be what starts the downfall of the longest reigning WWE World Tag Team Champions. That would be horrifying to see the Wyatt family destroy the beacon of positivity within the WWE.
Result: The New Day gets got, The Wyatt Family wins.
Rusev vs. Zack Ryder
WWE United States Championship
I feel the need to point out that Lana’s dressed as though the wedding will happen the second the match is over. I suppose that’s fine, so long as there’s refreshments and stuff. Or tissues, in case Rusev loses.
Result: Zack Ryder gets got, Rusev retains.
Bonus: Mojo Rawley comes out to save his bro from a post-match beat down.
Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn
No matter what the outcome is, these two ex best friends are going to fight forever. Kevin got one over on him last time, but can Sami redeem himself this time around?
Result: Kevin Owens gets got, and Sami Zayn wins
Natalya vs. Becky Lynch
Time for Becky to stand up for herself against yet another friend that turned their back on her. It’s a cruel, cruel world WWE. It destroys friendships every chance it gets.
Result: Becky Lynch gets got, Natalya takes the win
Darren Young vs. The Miz
Intercontinental Championship
Darren Young may have Bob Backlund on his side, but The Miz has Maryse. She’s made him damn near unstoppable since she decided to represent her husband in WWE. Then again Darren’s got newfound confidence in the form of an old white guy that likes to shout!
Result: The Miz gets got via count out, but retains his title.
John Cena, Enzo Amore & Big Cass vs. The Club
After this The Club will be split between two brands and will have the ability to expand and draw more members. So even if they do lose, are they really the losers here?
Result: The Club gets got, John Cena, Enzo Amore & Big Cass win
Highlight Reel
Result: It was hilarious.
Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Roman Reigns
WWE World Heavyweight Championship
It’s the Shield triple threat match that’s been decades and centuries in the making. Hot off of a suspension, Roman has a fresh start to prove why he was a three time champion. Seth’s got arrogance on his side to carry him through the match, and Dean is wildly unpredictable.
Result: Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns get got, Dean Ambrose retains!
The WWE World Heavyweight Championship is now on SmackDown, and it’s the beginning of a new era!
Dear Internet 
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